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To feel used?

(5 Posts)
disconnecteddrifter Sun 26-Feb-17 10:43:19

How do you deal with feeling used? Some of my friends have recently made me feel rubbish and I am not sure whether to speak to them about it and appear needy and get fobbed off with excuses, or mentally cut them off.
For example: one friend is going through a really hard time. Her dad is terminally ill and she struggles with depression. I have her three year old dd whenever she needs to see her dad or go out to relax/get away from things. She was really upset last week and made a joke(?) that most of her friends are busy and she was grateful she could rely on me. She was feeling sad and wanted to do something fun. I suggested we do something fun together and she declined due to lack of money. Then she asks me to have her dd for the weekend as she's off to a city break with another friend. This is the third instance. She's a good friend in other ways.
Aibu to feel upset? Part of me thinks I am as she can choose who and what she spends her time and money on but another part of me feels used and rejected. Should I just suck it up and see how it comes out in the wash, should I speak to her and risk it being misconstrued or am I not understanding enough?

Awwlookatmybabyspider Sun 26-Feb-17 11:08:17

YANBU. You're a great friend, too great in fact. You can say no to things, you know. People take advantage very quickly if not and I feel this is happening here. Of course its absolutely fine to mind her dd while she goes to see her dad ect, but. There's no way I'd be minding my friends child, whilst she's away with another friend living it up having a whale of a time. Kindness is one thing. Being a doormat is another

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 Sun 26-Feb-17 11:10:19

Sorry I have plans that week end - should cover it. . Just stop being so available. . Put your life as a priority instead of hers from now on.

disconnecteddrifter Sun 26-Feb-17 11:14:25

Thank you for your responses. It's hard to see clearly when emotions get in the way. I'm going to speak to her and tell her how I feel.

Trollspoopglitter Sun 26-Feb-17 11:17:34

I think you need to follow the example of her other friends - be busy when she wants you to childmind but be available when she wants to do something fun.

Obviously, you're the only one of her friends who is willing to have her child and instead of appreciating you, she's taking full advantage.

She's compartmentalised you into the "babysitting" category instead of the "fun friend" category. Question is, does she reciprocate and take your kids? If no, does she being chocolate & wine and gushes appreciation? Or does she now just expects it as a given?

If latter, yup - she's taking advantage. Stop being reliably available all the time and she will begin appreciating the times you do help again.

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