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WIBU to remove my DD from an eating disorder unit?

(58 Posts)
triper Sat 25-Feb-17 23:08:31

DD is 16 and in an eating disorder unit.

They think she should stay. However, she never joins in on group therapy (they have it twice a day) she has social anxiety. She is really good at talking during her 1-1 therapy, but really hates talking in a group. She says it's to the point that people laugh at her for not talking. I feel like this atmosphere will surely crush her self esteem even more?

Thanks.

ChasedByBees Sat 25-Feb-17 23:11:16

I would leave her there. Could you speak with the supervisors about addressing the social anxiety and also ensuring the laughing stops (if it's real rather than perceived)?

EveOnline2016 Sat 25-Feb-17 23:13:24

Do you think she is telling the truth about people laughing at her and hoping it a reason for you to take her home.

SecretNutellaFix Sat 25-Feb-17 23:15:38

Leave her there- she has access to counselling?

triper Sat 25-Feb-17 23:16:08

I don't think so. On meetings with her team, they have said it can happen when children arrive at the clinic and don't join in "and it normally encourages them to participate". I really didn't like that at all shock

I also tried to speak to them about the social anxiety and they said it's something almost everyone that comes through the clinic has, "so they're all the same" it just sounded like that meant it wasn't really that important.

triper Sat 25-Feb-17 23:17:07

Yes she has access to counselling, that's part of it. However, it is heavily focused on group therapy.

TheBatPig Sat 25-Feb-17 23:18:06

Does she have typical or a-typical eating disorder? My experience shows different kinds need different treatment. Sometimes discharge is dependent upon compliance with the therapy programme, regardless of weight gain or eating habits. Some people sure won't get along with group therapy or activities but do well with one to ones. I have been to family therapy for this illness and have to say it was basic, presumptive and accusatory, so I can well understand why patients themselves are reluctant to engage.

RortyCrankle Sat 25-Feb-17 23:18:25

I am very sorry that your daughter is having to deal with such a difficult thing at such a young age. I cannot advise you as I have no experience or expertise and hope someone who has will respond to your thread.

I just wonder if your DS leaves the eating disorder unit, how would she receive the help she needs? Do you think the 1:1 therapy is helping her at all?

Best wishes to you and your DS

MajesticWhine Sat 25-Feb-17 23:18:45

Ideally this should be a joint decision between you, DD and the people caring for her. What does she want?

Haffdonga Sat 25-Feb-17 23:19:10

Places in eating disorder units are very difficult to get and only given to the most seriously ill patients. They would not be advising her to stay unless they believed it's in her best interests. The group work is not the only part of the therapy that she will lose if she leaves. Yousay she's benefiting from the 1 to 1?

I'd suggest you try and support her to stay. It must be very hard for you both flowers

applefalls Sat 25-Feb-17 23:20:04

I'm so very sorry you are going through this.

I agree with PP that, if you can bear it, leaving her there is probably the best course of action.

When my DSD was ill, she told us all sorts of things that were happening (being stolen from, bullied, excluded) that she later admitted were fabricated because she was terrified/furious that she wasn't allowed to exercise or skip meals and she was still in the grip of this awful disease.

I'm afraid it can be the case; are you able to talk to the counsellors and get another perspective?

Are there family days where you can attend? I was astonished how popular DSD was with other patients and staff. She had great rapport and clearly got on well with everyone when we'd been imagining her alone and left out.

flowers strength and hugs

Frazzled74 Sat 25-Feb-17 23:20:54

I think it sounds like they are trying to let you know that they are used to looking after people like your daughter. It must be hard for you, but I would leave her there.

BeBeatrix Sat 25-Feb-17 23:21:18

There are lots of good centres for treating eating disorders.

If you're currently paying for her to go private, or can afford to, then I wouldn't hesitate to move her, given there's an option for equally safe treatment elsewhere.

If not, I'd talk to her psychiatrist and keyworker, and give them another chance to tackle it before withdrawing her. You know better than most people how hard it is to care for ED patients at home.

Neglectedbythesun Sat 25-Feb-17 23:33:05

The treatment for social anxiety is to challenge the avoiding behaviour. Meet with the team to get a plan in place to help her challenge it? Make sure they know what she's thinking. Removing her might just fuel the anxiety.

notangelinajolie Sat 25-Feb-17 23:48:37

No, she needs to stay. They are the professionals and they know what they are doing, it sounds like your daughter is playing on your emotions. Be strong - she is in the right place.

musicposy Sat 25-Feb-17 23:50:30

Leave her there. Lots of things about these places are challenging for the sufferer, but they really do know what they are doing.
I've been where your DD is and lots of it was uncomfortable and I'd have avoided the group stuff if I possibly could have. They are right - lots of people would rather avoid group therapy but it's a huge part of it. Let them work with her to overcome this. No harm in letting them know how she's feeling, but this will be a common problem to them.

I too hated it. It saved my life.

khajiit13 Sat 25-Feb-17 23:53:00

I'm sure it's very hard for her. But to get to this stage you must know it's quite serious and while I'd rather not judge your daughters honesty without knowing her, it isn't uncommon for children/teenagers to say all they can to be removed from an ED unit. Typically they're smart individuals and try to push your buttons. I'd consider that:

MrsTwix Sat 25-Feb-17 23:53:38

I don't think removing her will help her get better.

triper Sat 25-Feb-17 23:56:26

Yes I suppose you're right. I just hating seeing her like it sad

Also, she has to sit in the GCSE classes? They don't offer further education, so she just sits there going over stuff she already learnt in English and maths. I don't get this. She is year 12.

There are bits that I really don't think are helpful, like that for example.

sfurness Sat 25-Feb-17 23:56:54

Again, I am very sorry for the difficult times that both you and your daughter are going through.

I am not sure how long your daughter has been in the unit. Sometimes engaging with group therapy can take a while and it is a process. Perhaps she is on the first part of her journey. One thing I know from experiences of a similar kind is that being in a professionally run establishment that are aware of the risks with her condition is an opportunity. This should make it a safe place, and I hope this can give you some comfort. I am sure you have been on a journey to reach this point in her recovery. Good luck on the rest of the journey. I am aware of how hard it is. xxxx

yummumto3girls Sun 26-Feb-17 00:02:14

Hi OP, I am so very sorry that your DD is in a unit. My DD has been told she will be admitted if she does not turn things around in the next few weeks,I am petrified! Sorry to hijack but has she found it helpful? What is your experience? Do you have a choice about whether she stays? I really hope she gets better soon it is all just such a worry.

triper Sun 26-Feb-17 00:06:51

Not sure how old your daughter is but I think it depends. She is the oldest there and struggles with that. Like I said before they are trying to get on with their secondary school education and that keeps their mind off things, DD doesn't get to do her a levels so is always sitting around thinking about her situation (this makes it worse). However, she meets with her therapist everyday. This helps her massively as they get on very well. That's one thing that really is going to help her get better.

I think it does help. It's the amount of advice and help they get through a 24 hr period that makes it so helpful. It's daily, not just a monthly thing where you struggle to get an appointment, etc.

Good luck to your daughter. flowers

Unfortunately, DD was transferred there after her 3rd stay in hospital.

VimFuego101 Sun 26-Feb-17 00:10:21

Would they let her do a levels via distance learning?

yummumto3girls Sun 26-Feb-17 00:16:40

Thank you, my DD is 12. We are seriously lacking decent guidance and she needs counselling, CAMHS only focus on family therapy but we are finding that unhelpful as she is happy and compliant in meetings but refuses to eat when we get home! I really hope it works for you both this time. flowers

Gwenhwyfar Sun 26-Feb-17 00:17:33

If she can't do A levels through distant learning as suggested by Vim, maybe she could do an Open University course to keep herself busy. You don't need to have an A level for them.

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