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Was neighbour's reaction out of order?

(203 Posts)
RuledByAToddler Sat 25-Feb-17 20:46:28

I've name changed because this is quite outing, also sorry for the long post in advance but I want to prevent drip feeding.

Thursday my 13 year old sisters came round in the morning as they were meeting a friend who lives by me and then they were planning to go into town but Doris put a stop to that so they all ended up stuck at mine with no power for hours.
Fast forward a few hours and wind is beginning to ebb away so sister 1 and friend go off to park opposite my flat, 20 minutes later my doorbell rings so sister 2 shouts down the stairs (upstairs flat) that door is open as she thought it was sister 1. Turned out to be neighbour's 19 year old son instead. She told him one moment whilst she got me, I quickly throw some clothes on as I've just got out of shower due to power finally coming back on, when I step out my bedroom and he has already let himself in and come up the stairs so is stood waiting outside my bedroom door.
He then told me how my sister and friend have been playing knock-a-door run on both his doorbell and his bedroom window (he lives in downstairs flat) and he's not taking it. Immediately I apologise, explain I was unaware but now I am I will have them straight in and not to let them back out and I will deal with them both. Neighbour's son repeats himself about what the girls have been doing and his voice is raising to the point he is shouting in my face, I stay calm and repeat that I understand his frustration and I'm sorry for their actions and I will deal with them, he then carries on shouting in my face again how they have been ringing his doorbell and knocking on window then storms down stairs and shouts back that he's calling the HA next time.
By this point I was furious at the way he had barged into my home, spoken to me and then threatened me with HA as he stormed away. I immediately though shout the girls in, tell them off and don't let them back out for the rest of the day. I later get a call from DM after girls have gone home and she sends me a video of girls pissing about earlier, there was also footage from neighbour's son kicking the bin shed gate in on them both when he was coming round to my home.

Today I went around to neighbour's to deal with situation as her and I have always got along very well and I didn't want there to be any issues. I asked that her son come speak to me too, at first he refused but then reluctantly came out. I told them how I was sorry for sister's actions and she had been dealt with accordingly, but I then told them how I wanted an apology for his actions as he was aggressive, threatening and even showed violent behaviour by kicking gate with girls behind it. They did not seem to think he did anything wrong, AIBU by thinking his reaction was very wrong, especially as it was the first time he had come to me about the situation and it's not as though he had already asked me to deal with it and I'd ignored him?
Please do tell me if I am because right now I'm so angry I can't see past my own point of view

LadyPW Sat 25-Feb-17 20:49:08

even showed violent behaviour by kicking gate with girls behind it
If kids had been winding me up repeatedly like that I'd probably have overreacted at them too. I'd leave it. Your sister started it, not him.

OurBlanche Sat 25-Feb-17 20:52:55

Please do tell me if I am because right now I'm so angry I can't see past my own point of view Which was probably his mindset when he came, invited, into your house expecting you to do something!

Make sure your kids don't do it again - I mean who places Knock Down Ginger so close to home!!??

RuledByAToddler Sat 25-Feb-17 20:54:27

I'm not denying what they had done, it must have been going on about 10 minutes from what their video footage shows so I get he was cross, but he knew they were hiding behind the gate and kicked it at them (this is a 6 foot wooden gate) so from the video footage it actually looked like he was trying to kick it at them and not just kicking it in frustration. I am so with him that they were being arseholes but surely he should have given me a chance to deal with things before he acted violently towards them and also got aggressive with myself?

Patriciathestripper1 Sat 25-Feb-17 20:56:41

Do you know how annoying knock and run is?
You should be glad he didn't belt her one never mind kicking a gate.
There would have been no problems but for your annoying sister.
Suck it up. You are well in the wrong.

RuledByAToddler Sat 25-Feb-17 20:57:44

OurBlanche the difference is I'm not acting in a violent or threatening manner with my anger whereas he very much was, and became aggressive and shouting again today when I went around to talk, whilst I actually had 2 year old DS with me this time, my neighbour just kind of shrugged and said he gets passionate with his anger, like that's an excuse for an adult to start shouting in the face of another person

Londonsburningahhhh Sat 25-Feb-17 20:59:45

Make a complaint he has no right to enter your home or to use threatening behaviour towards the girls. I would be straight on the phone to the HA and sending them the video. Out of order if you had a man there would he behave the same way🤔

BlackMirror Sat 25-Feb-17 21:00:06


kali110 Sat 25-Feb-17 21:01:29

He shouldn't have shouted but no he doesn't owe you or the kids an apology!
Do you know how other people feel about that game??
I suffer with severe anxiety and silly little children who think playing this game is fun leaves me in tears!

RuledByAToddler Sat 25-Feb-17 21:02:51

I'll take it then I'm in the wrong. Please do understand though, not at any point am I condoning sister's actions, in fact her birthday weekend is currently being spent inside right now as she has been grounded whilst sister 2 who wasn't involved in the game is out with friends so her actions have been taken seriously, I just thought that 10 minutes (not hours) of irritating and immature behaviour from 13 year olds did not warrant the reaction that came from neighbour's son especially towards myself who hadn't even been given a chance to deal with the situation

Londonsburningahhhh Sat 25-Feb-17 21:04:26

My brother behaved like this once but the neighbors didn't behave aggressively or violent. He told them off and that was the end of it.

MojitoMollie Sat 25-Feb-17 21:04:29

He does owe the op an apology, just because her sister and friends were behaving like little shits does not mean he gets to go in her house and be aggressive

witsender Sat 25-Feb-17 21:05:24

Er, yanbu. He shouldn't have come straight on in and behaved like that. Knock down ginger is irritating, but definitely doesn't justify the reaction.

Graphista Sat 25-Feb-17 21:06:26

Whenever I see posts like this and the op claims to have acted COMPLETELY reasonably the entire exchange I'm sceptical.

Your sisters behaved appallingly and are more than old enough to know a damn site better!

I suspect your initial response had a tone of 'ok I'll tell em but you're making a fuss over nothing' and that's why he felt he had to get across to you how annoying/upsetting it was. If he or his mother suffer from any kind of anxiety or eg heart issues this kind of behaviour can be very distressing

I suspect he did kick (his?) gate that they were hiding behind (therefore continuing to be annoying anti social little beggars!) in frustration.

He was INVITED in he didn't barge in!

Do yes yabu and please ensure if your sisters visit again they treat your neighbours with consideration and respect.

kali110 Sat 25-Feb-17 21:07:00

Maybe he suffers with m/h?? 10 minutes of that i would be a wreck and my dh would probably scare the living daylights out of whoever was doing it too confused

Notsure1234 Sat 25-Feb-17 21:08:02


As annoying as it is, an adult should not be kicking the gate knowing there are kids behind it.

'You should be glad he didn't belt her one' are you for fucking real?

RuledByAToddler Sat 25-Feb-17 21:09:43

Ok now I see some of you do agree with myself, that's purely where my anger came from, his violent behaviour towards two young girls and his aggressive shouting at myself after he's let himself into my home, not at any point trying to deny what little shits sister and her friend were being.
I think I'm more angry because it feels like there may be no coming back from this fall out between neighbour and myself, even though for past two years we've gotten on really well. The problem is, even though her son is 19 nearly 20, she is still very precious about him and he can do no wrong ever

Hercules12 Sat 25-Feb-17 21:09:47

Trouble is they did it to be really annoying and wind up people and they ended up with exactly that. Unpleasant for you but maybe a lesson to them that there are consequences to actions.

OurBlanche Sat 25-Feb-17 21:10:22

Make a complaint he has no right to enter your home OP has been scrupulously honest, she has said that, whilst it was in error, he was invited in.

He was wrong in going upstairs, shouting, etc. and OP has every right to be angry about that.. could call the police as he was obviously very intimidating.

But OP, you asked if YABU because you are very angry right now. I just pointed out that he was equally angry when your DSis and friend 'pranked' him! And I think you may need to calm down before you decide what you want to do next.

Hercules12 Sat 25-Feb-17 21:11:39

They're not young girls. They were deemed old enough to be left out without adult supervision.

BonnyScotland Sat 25-Feb-17 21:13:02

Chap Door Run at 13 ??

shockedballoon Sat 25-Feb-17 21:13:07

I'm with you OP - yes they were being irritating little shits for those 10 or so minutes, and he was quite right to knock on your door and point out their behaviour, but there was no need for the overly aggressive way he went about it presuming things went exactly as you said and you immediately apologised and went to take the girls to task about it.

FrancisCrawford Sat 25-Feb-17 21:13:43

13 years old decide to be really rude and annoying to your neighbours?
Ghastly behaviour.

It doesn't matter that they "only" plagued your poor neighbours for ten minutes. They are far too old to be doing such inconsiderate things. They were deliberately trying to annoy them and they succeeded. Knocking on both his door and his window is seriously out of order. Truly obnoxious of them.

Did I miss the part where your sister went round to apologise? At 13 she should be doing this.

RuledByAToddler Sat 25-Feb-17 21:14:32

Graphista I can promise you I was completely reasonable as I was do not accept my sister thinking it's ok to upset my neighbour's and cause trouble around where I live, I was a bit shocked he just let himself in but initially I accepted he was angry and just wanted to speak, I was then left in too much shock to go back when he was shouting in my face, especially as it was rather aggressively and this is an adult man who towers over me.
Also it was a communal bin shed in the shared car park that he kicked, he had to walk out of his way to kick it as it's not reachable from the path he walked along to get to my door

Northend77 Sat 25-Feb-17 21:16:51

Graphista he wasn't invited in though

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