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Am I failing my children?

(11 Posts)
Selfishguilt Sat 25-Feb-17 20:25:06

NC for this as it may be outing. I've recently started a university degree the offer was very last minute and I took it because it's a great career opportunity. I was a sahm before this. Problem is I wasn't awarded nearly as much student finance as expected and can just about scrape by with overdrafts to pay the childcare. I was planning on sending DD to swimming lessons/Dance classes this year as she's started asking to go with her friends, now can't afford anything at all. No classes no extra curricular activities no trips out. Nothing. I have cancelled all unessesary expenses like gym/charity and reduced all bills as much as possible. By the time I finish the DC will be 7, 4 and 3 and I just feel like they are going to miss out on so much because I'm not home any more sad im desperate to get into my dream career but feel like I'm doing it at the children's expense. Can't help but feel like I need to put what I want on hold for the DC but when would it ever be the right time? Could really do with some opinions!

CremeEggThief Sat 25-Feb-17 20:28:17

Go for it now. They're still very young and will have plenty of time for activities once you've qualified and are hopefully in a better financial position, as a result.

Mrsglitterfairy Sat 25-Feb-17 20:30:00

Please don't feel guilty. You're building for their future and yes they may miss out on some things but they're only very young. My dcs are 5 & 9 and they don't do much like you mentioned there because we just can't afford it. But they do other things that don't cost a lot of money and don't seem to mind

altiara Sat 25-Feb-17 20:35:44

I think that's 2 things-
1) don't feel bad about the classes. Your DCs are really young! They can certainly wait. For the eldest, if at school they may have some cheap after school clubs. Eg mine does Zumba for £3/session. Cheaper than paying for afterschool club.
2) aiming to get your dream career, I don't think working towards this should be put on hold, however you will know best whether or not you can delay a year, but the sooner you have your dream career the sooner you start earning more money or building up your career so you have the ability to be more flexible when you've proved yourself (maybe? Hopefully?)
Are you worried about not being home now or in the future?

ludothedog Sat 25-Feb-17 20:38:20

Is there a hardship fund at your university that you can apply to? Most will have one.

EatTheChocolateTeapot Sat 25-Feb-17 20:40:59

Will the 3 years old start school next year freeing up some finances?
Any chance of teaching/demonstrating?
In any case, what you are doing is also good for them, both in terms of securing the family's financial position in the future and increasing the chance your children will pursue degrees/higher education.

ChardonnayKnickertonSmythe Sat 25-Feb-17 20:42:58

No, you're not.

Just because you are a mother doesn't mean you are not a person with dreams.

Good on you for trying to do it.

KC225 Sat 25-Feb-17 20:47:19

Is there any chance if relations helping. My friend get both sets of grandparents to pay for a activity instead of a mountain of presents. They always get the child one small toy to open and my friend let's them know when the invoice for the activity comes in. She then send a them updates on the back of activity photos she has printed for pennies at ASDA.

IamFriedSpam Sat 25-Feb-17 20:47:28

I would say go for it based on the ages of your kids. They might be disappointed in the short term but you're setting a wonderful example and you'll be able to provide more for them in the long run when they'll be older and really able to appreciate it.

zeezeek Sat 25-Feb-17 21:27:25

Don't feel bad. You are doing an amazing thing for your children's future. They may miss out in the short term with a few material things, but in the long term they will have a solid and secure future - and that's far more useful than a few dance or swimming lessons now.

Keep going and good luck. I sure as hell cant imagine doing a degree now with young children!

angeldelightedme Sat 25-Feb-17 21:33:41

Can you ask grandparents for classes in lieu of birthday and Christmas presents for the eldest child?

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