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.... to not fully understand what some OPs are expecting from their threads?

(65 Posts)
PacificDogwod Sat 25-Feb-17 12:15:46

I may not be entirely sure what I am expecting from this one, mind grin

I mean the threads about situations in which the answer depends entirely on your unique circumstances, like 'From what age would you leave your DC alone at home?' - depends on the child/length of time left/access to adult help if needed etc etc.
Or the recurring theme of builders and their toiletting needs grin (alone at home with young child in scary neighbourhood with unknown tradesman? Or known builder, other adults in the house, easy access to downstairs cloakroom? - totally different)
Or private vs state education - depends on what schools are available where you are, depends on the child, depends on deeply personal preferences.
Or, one of my favourites, 'Am I pregnant?' - 'Love, how on earth would we know. Go POAS, and repeat in a week if no AF forthcoming'.

I accept that MN and other forums would be half empty if there were no threads without clear answers, and I am fully prepared to be told IABU <dons full battle regalia>

I suppose I find it baffling that so many people seem to struggle to trust their own judgement: you are worried about leaving your DC unsupervised at home, well, don't. And I think there is a subtle difference between asking 'From what age did you let your DCs alone at home?' and 'From what age do you think my DC can stay alone at home?'

Just musing.
Waddaya think?
Are we less confident in our parenting/other choices than people used to be??

user1477282676 Sat 25-Feb-17 12:16:32

Those are the threads where people just want to discuss the issue.

Isn't that obvious?

TheSnowFairy Sat 25-Feb-17 12:17:39

But Op what shall I have for lunch today?

AQuietMind Sat 25-Feb-17 12:18:47

I think a lot of people know the answer to their questions but for some reason lack confidence enough to go forth without having their views validated.

namechange20050 Sat 25-Feb-17 12:19:16

I agree with you op. I don't know how some people function in every day life with the ridiculous questions asked on here.

SexTrainGlue Sat 25-Feb-17 12:20:24

They want to chat about things on a chat site Shock!

It's a website marketed for parents, so lots of those things are to do with parenting. Horror!

FuckeryOmbudsman Sat 25-Feb-17 12:21:03

OP: do you actually see the irony in your question?

[grin\

PacificDogwod Sat 25-Feb-17 12:22:01

SnowFairy, scrambled egg on toast - happy? grin

user, I love discussing things, even for the sake of it - see this thread wink
And yes, some things are a matter of opinion, but many others of circumstance.

My kids walked to school on their own from a very young age, because we live close to a village school. DS4 otoh still like to have his hand held and gets walked to and from school every day - he's 7 now. DS3 would have told me to get lost at that age - so I don't think there is a right or wrong there.
If we lived in a big city or in a very isolated place, my take on that question would be totally different.

AnyFucker Sat 25-Feb-17 12:22:16

I am going to Aldi today, what shall I buy ? grin

PinkIkeaZippys Sat 25-Feb-17 12:22:21

I think some of it is loneliness, if you want to chat with someone about anything.

I know I have started some horrendously dull threads (e.g. lunch!) that I know will get some pleasant, chatty replies when I have felt very alone.

PacificDogwod Sat 25-Feb-17 12:22:25

Fuckery, yes, I do grin
I have insight in my condition halo

PacificDogwod Sat 25-Feb-17 12:22:53

Oooh, AF, Aldi I don't know, Lidl I could advise grin

HecateAntaia Sat 25-Feb-17 12:23:03

i think people just want to interact. to chat. and often what they chat about is fairly irrelevent. it's the social aspect that is at the core of it.

am i pregnant is probably about being excited and wanting to talk. or being worried and wanting to talk.

when did you/ what age.. etc are probably part chat and part reassure and part compare and part nosy.

some people have anxiety and simply dont trust themselves and just need a bit of reassurance that theyre doing ok.

we are all here to get our needs met.

ProudBadMum Sat 25-Feb-17 12:24:02

I think a lot of it is the need to chat. I could google crime docs and find them but asked for suggestions.

Dinner threads aren't real.

PacificDogwod Sat 25-Feb-17 12:24:39

Yes, the chatty threads are lovely, and I know they can be literally about anything, I like those smile
It's the ones that get all fraught and/or bunfighty over stuff that is just not judgable with the information available.

And what might be right for me, may not be for you.

ProudBadMum Sat 25-Feb-17 12:25:25

I think half of the threads started that cause fighting are actually posted for that reason.

Guitargirl Sat 25-Feb-17 12:25:36

The ones I find baffling are the 'little Jane and Johnny spend every night of the week at piano/karate/French lessons/swimming and DP I work 60 hours a week. It's Saturday and we are knackered. Please MN - give me permission to stay at home for the day as every other weekend between now and 2019 is booked up with holidays or parties'.

I read these and I think, FFS, use your judgement - why do you need permission?

But then someone will come on and tell the OP to 'at least take them to the park for an hour'.

PacificDogwod Sat 25-Feb-17 12:26:05

Hecate, yy to looking to have needs met.
And those needs will differ, yes, I get that.

Interesting.

I came to MN many years ago with a specific infant feeding question and stayed for the craic of which there is far less.

PinkIkeaZippys Sat 25-Feb-17 12:26:32

Oh those ones?

I think some are trolls and some are people who have had a bad day. I also think there are people who have genuinely lovely lives and jobs and cannot imagine the reality for some posters- so well-meaning advice going a bit wrong.

roundtable Sat 25-Feb-17 12:30:45

I think some posters don't have outside real support that can be taken for granted like family or friends.

Or they grew up in a dysfunctional or chaotic household and so are not sure if their model of raising children is the best way and want to do better.

I think it's very easy to forget that there is a big range of life experiences/ability to work things out from a range of research/relationships/something has happened to them way outside of their life experience and so on - so people come to a forum to chat and find out from people who may have been through it before.

Does that make sense? The last paragraph is a bit garbled! blush

BadKnee Sat 25-Feb-17 12:31:29

Actually I agree.

I worry more however about the ones in which one side of a story is told, often full of outrage, injustice, fury etc. OP receives a lot of validation for her view, ("YANBU, LTB, dump the friend, go NC with the MiL etc). which further entrenches her in her righteousness. The thread stokes the rage and encourages the thinking that there is only one view. Overall it increases intolerance, discourages compromise and can lead to a skewed perspective.

Not all of course - many people come for advice and get good counsel. Some come away seeing things from another point of view - but overall I agree. (Especially the "Am I pregnant?" ones FFS!!!)

magimedi Sat 25-Feb-17 12:31:43

The ones that really get me are the posts asking for a medical diagnosis of something serious.

If you have chest pains, difficulty breathing or a bleeding very heavily get off the internet & get help.

BadKnee Sat 25-Feb-17 12:32:37

Good points roundtable

TheBogQueen Sat 25-Feb-17 12:32:37

I wonder how some people get up in the morning without consulting mumsnet.

PinkIkeaZippys Sat 25-Feb-17 12:33:59

OP receives a lot of validation for her view, ("YANBU, LTB, dump the friend, go NC with the MiL etc). which further entrenches her in her righteousness

YY.

I always wonder about those posters who are encouraged not to let the ILs in for six weeks after they give birth, don't go on a night out for 3 years... are they the ones posting in tears with a 4 year old, no family help and no friends?

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