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Badgering by the health visitors

(105 Posts)
MinecraftRoblox Sat 25-Feb-17 11:45:38

I feel annoyed by this. Do I have to go? AIBU?

My son is 7-month-old and since being discharged by the midwives, the health visitors have been bothering me constantly with phone calls and letters with appointments summoning me to take my son in for 'checks'. The underlying tone of course being that I should comply or else there could be implications...

It was bad enough when he was born, and recovering from a c-section having to answer a million personal and invasive questions. This is my 4th child, his immunisations are up to date, and I have no concerns about his development.

The irony is my 3rd child was born with a health condition that despite a prenatal diagnosis no health professional took seriously once she was born hmm

Is this a new thing, or do others also experience this kind of unhelpful 'harassment' from HV's.

Trifleorbust Sat 25-Feb-17 11:48:27

I haven't so far (DD 11 weeks). What sort of 'checks'?

PokemonLidCup Sat 25-Feb-17 11:48:43

This is normal. There are checks at 6 weeks and 7-11 months in my area.

They're not "invasive", they're just checks to see if they are developing normally and to help if you have any concerns.

FourEyesGood Sat 25-Feb-17 11:49:47

A HV saved my DD's life when she was 10 days old. Some may be better or worse than others, as with any professionals, but I have to defend them as a whole. I'm very glad that she intervened. Don't view it as harassment.

DJBaggySmalls Sat 25-Feb-17 11:55:36

YABVU. When children fall through the safety net everyone says something should be done about that.

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 Sat 25-Feb-17 11:59:32

My hv went nuts I wouldn't complete a bf assessment form - said it would compromise my files whatever that meant confused . I was bf baby 11 so felt pretty confident I knew what I was doing without having her around for 2 hours to do the forms!!
Same hv had a 3 mins phone call to discuss weaning!
Some are just odd!!

celtiethree Sat 25-Feb-17 11:59:45

Yanbu you don't have to go and they shouldn't badger you.

Trifleorbust Sat 25-Feb-17 11:59:51

Obviously HV should be following up concerns and recommending standard checks, but yes, at a certain point it could feel intrusive. I've only had two visits (10 days and 8 weeks) and am totally happy with that.

flufffypillow Sat 25-Feb-17 12:01:11

I had a visit at 1 week old, 2 months, 1 year and 2 year.
They weren't invasive.

user1477282676 Sat 25-Feb-17 12:01:16

I sacked mine immediately she made me feel bad about something...can't remember what it was but she upset me.

So I called the office and said I didn't want her in my house any more and didn't need ANY HV as I was perfectly competent and would visit the GP if I had any issues.

DisneyMillie Sat 25-Feb-17 12:04:13

I've not seen a hv since my dd was 3 months (she's now 10 months) and no one has contacted me. I think she's due another assessment at a year but i think they're over worked in our area as when she was tiny they kept saying we didn't have to see them.

Is there any reason they'd be concerned? Growth issues? PND? Otherwise I can't see why they're hassling you - how annoying for you.

WorraLiberty Sat 25-Feb-17 12:04:21

user, you can't sack someone who you don't employ.

YABVU. When children fall through the safety net everyone says something should be done about that.

This ^^ in spades.

As soon as something awful happens to a child at the hands of its family, everyone wants to know how all the signs were missed.

EatTheChocolateTeapot Sat 25-Feb-17 12:08:33

I like to chat with the HVs, mines have been supportive and since I have no family locally it's also good to be able to talk about the kids with someone else than DH.
It's a 1 year check here. It's about whether the baby has met his milestones in order to detect a potential problem. If you feel that your son has met his milestones and don't want to do it it's OK too.

myoriginal3 Sat 25-Feb-17 12:12:00

I can only imagine the stress of that. It would drive me nuts.

MinecraftRoblox Sat 25-Feb-17 12:12:37

The initial checks and calls were just to bring him in so he could be seen, the latest letter mentioned weight and development.

No, they have absolutely no reason to be concerned. Never had any involvement from social services, or any other health professionals. Everything is up to date. I only take them to the doctor when needed.

I'm not saying they shouldn't be involved at all. But they are there serving a supportive role, surely not to order you to take your own child in at their will. When I took my daughter in for her 24 month development check, I filled in a questionnaire asking what she could/could not to, gave it back, and was given a toothbrush. The whole thing was a waste of time. Seems more like they are just trying to tick boxes and cover themselves.

user1477282676 Sat 25-Feb-17 12:14:37

Worra I didn't mean it LITERALLY. It's a bit slangy of know "I didn't like playgroup so I sacked it"

It's something that's said in my hometown.

WorraLiberty Sat 25-Feb-17 12:15:52

No, they have absolutely no reason to be concerned

Well you know that, but how do they unless they see your child?

WorraLiberty Sat 25-Feb-17 12:16:14

Ahh gotcha user

Mermaidinthesea Sat 25-Feb-17 12:16:28

My health visitor was awful, she would wake up my sleeping baby, stick him in the garden bawling and say this child should not be inside all the time. He wasn't...he was asleep.
Then she'd sit in the garden smoking and going on about her own problems.
Luckily I only had to see her three or four times. Mind you this was in 1983.

WorraLiberty Sat 25-Feb-17 12:17:03

And I read that as It's a bit slaggy of me grin

HopelesslydevotedtoGu Sat 25-Feb-17 12:20:29

When I took my daughter in for her 24 month development check, I filled in a questionnaire asking what she could/could not to, gave it back, and was given a toothbrush.

But if your answers showed that your daughter wasn't developing normally I imagine they would have taken the assessment further. If she is developing normally then that is the end of the assessment.

And sadly a friend working in Dentistry tells me that on primary school visits some children don't even know what a toothbrush is as they haven't seen one before, or say there is one toothbrush at home that the whole family share. So being given a child toothbrush isn't as random as it sounds.

novemberontrumpwatch Sat 25-Feb-17 12:20:34

My HV is lovely, but she doesn't come by unless I ask her to. I don't feel harassed at all.

Birdsgottaf1y Sat 25-Feb-17 12:21:33

""24 month development check, I filled in a questionnaire asking what she could/could not to, gave it back, and was given a toothbrush. The whole thing was a waste of time""

In my area, they do that at home. The child plays with toys the HV has bought and looks at Flash Cards. If there are issues, referrals can be made, or if a child is borderline, they'll get in touch in another three months.

How would anyone in here like to be sent to live with a random family, to be treated how they decide and not allowed to contact anyone?

The system does need improvement in some areas, my DD is sick of being pushed to use the free Nursery places, but overall checks are a positive thing.

ZippyNeedsFeeding Sat 25-Feb-17 12:24:00

I haven't had a HV near any of my children in years. They aren't compulsory.
The last 2 were weighed at birth and never since- it isn't hard to see if they are gaining weight. They all have their immunisations, but I don't actually care if they are ticking every box, or are conforming to the average or whatever. The HV in my area is awful but I'm not sure that I'd want to see her if she wasn't.
When I have had concerns about them, I have taken them to see a doctor (the doctor did their 8 week checks and the practice nurse does their injections). I don't feel that I need to be supervised or that my children somehow need to be protected from me.
OP it might be simpler just to tell them not to send you letters. If they don't know you aren't interested in having visits or appointments then they might just think you need more reminders! I had to use slightly more forceful language than that, but my case was unusual and the HV now knows that she is welcome in my house any time she likes, so long as she brings a court order with her.

MrsBobtonTrent Sat 25-Feb-17 12:24:21

HV put DS in intensive care so I wrote to them and declined the service. Then did it again with subsequent children. The service is so variable and some have very little training (and even less people skills). It was never a problem. Immunisations are done at GP surgery by a nurse and you can self-refer or ask GP for a referral for eye checks/hearing/whatever. I don't really see the point of HVs personally, but I suppose it's nice for those who want or need them. But it isn't compulsory.

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