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To not take DS to visit my mum in hospital today?

(27 Posts)
Eminybob Sat 25-Feb-17 11:30:19

To cut a long story short, my mum is in hospital with a broken ankle.
She doesn't live locally (a plane journey away) and was visiting me and staying with us when it happened, so she is in my local hospital.
She has been in just over a week awaiting surgery.
I've visited and taken DS (2.5) every day as she was mainly here to see DS as she only sees him twice a year and she's very much the doting grandmother.

DS hates it, he cries when we pull up to the hospital, he gets bored when we are there, but my mum expects me to bring him every day. It's exhausting as well as the effort of wrangling him through the hospital to the ward and trying to keep him occupied is starting to wear on me.

I love my mum to bits, and know it must be really boring for her stuck there without anyone all day, although she does have other family reasonably close by who have also dropped in a couple of times.

But wibu to not take DS today? We both need a break from it, I would like a break from going too but I know that I definitely would be unreasonable if I didn't go at all.

She will be disappointed if I turn up without him, but I just don't feel it's fair on him.

chickensatay Sat 25-Feb-17 11:32:35

She's an adult she will cope.

Eminybob Sat 25-Feb-17 11:35:15

Yeah I know. I just feel guilty.

I think I know the answer to this, but aibu if I don't go either?

Hgmother Sat 25-Feb-17 11:36:08

She shouldn't expect you to take him at all. I understand the circumstances and all that but he's a young child, and one that hates the hospital. I'd give the kid a break tbh, so no ynbu.

Hgmother Sat 25-Feb-17 11:36:48

I don't think ybu either if you don't go, you've been every day so far.

Rugbyplayersarehot Sat 25-Feb-17 11:39:26

Ah op it's hard poor you and poor your mum.

However as a nurse I wouldn't take any of my children into a hospital unless absolutkry necessary. Too many bloody bugs.

A1Sharon Sat 25-Feb-17 11:39:51

Is she able to get about on crutches? Or just ask the ward for a wheelchair and go down to the coffee shop for a bit. She will enjoy the change of scene and DS can get a comic/ball/biscuit or whatever.

2rebecca Sat 25-Feb-17 11:40:17

I definitely wouldn't take your son. She shouldn't view him as her entertainment. I think you are stuck with going as she was visiting you, unless someone else is definitely visiting on that day but I would keep the visit fairly short as long visits get tedious for everyone as you don't normally sit around doing one to one chatting for hours on end.
Chat to the other family members and sort out a rota, but I'd leave your son out of the rota unless no child care.

Nospringflower Sat 25-Feb-17 11:40:20

Sorry but I think you should go but leave your son at home. The fact that your mum is away from home is what swings it for me.

Fruitboxjury Sat 25-Feb-17 11:43:34

On this occasion given that it's only a temporary situation and not something that you need to fall out over when she's feeling down, I personally would say he's picked up a bad strain of d&v. All hospitals have an exclusion policy which extends to 48h (sometimes 72) after last symptoms.

I know that's not the most direct approach but this isn't something you need to fall out overZ

Personally when my parents have been in hospital I have never taken the kids and would never do when they are that young. It's scary for them and you can't focus on the patient.

Failing that, ask a nurse to step in and say that it's not a good environment for young children and she wouldn't recommend him coming so frequently. HCP are very used to dealing with and managing visitor / visiting expectations

Fruitboxjury Sat 25-Feb-17 11:44:47

And yes I agree with pp, you should be going. Can you leave ds with dp or does he have nursery etc?

Trifleorbust Sat 25-Feb-17 11:46:19

I wouldn't take my toddler to hospital unless the relative was unlikely to be coming out again. I don't care about them getting bored but I think exposing them to ill people and bugs is unnecessary just to entertain someone. Get your mum a kindle if she is bored.

Eminybob Sat 25-Feb-17 11:47:34

She's on strict bed rest until after the op, she can't even go to the loo, so no chance of taking her to the cafe.

I think I'll drop in on my own when DH is back from work but not stay too long. I do need to take her some clean knickers so I'd better go.

I have spoken to my other family who have been, they said they would let me know when they were going so I could have a break, but they haven't they have just turned up which is annoying.

They are more distant family so I wouldn't expect them to go as often as me.

Butterymuffin Sat 25-Feb-17 11:48:13

I would give him a break today, and move to taking him maybe twice a week instead. Repeat hospital visiting is very tiring even when done for good reasons. Speak to your other nearby family members and ask if you can share it out a bit - if, say, one of them could go every Tuesday and another every Saturday, that's only a once a week commitment for them but gives you two days off. Don't be afraid to ask and say you can't do it all yourself.

Eminybob Sat 25-Feb-17 11:49:05

She has a kindle/iPad etc so has other stuff to do when we aren't there.

Eminybob Sat 25-Feb-17 11:50:21

She should be out in about a week, hopefully if she has the op soon (couldn't due to swelling previously)

happypoobum Sat 25-Feb-17 11:52:45

YANBU not taking DS but YABU not going yourself.

If she kicks off about you not bringing DS then you have a good excuse not to bother tomorrow don't you? grin

I always find it a bit insulting when parents lose all interest in their adult DC the second GC are born. Not saying that is the case here OP but I have seen it happen in RL. A friend of mine fell out with her parents because they told her not to bother coming round if she wasn't bringing their GC.sad

Eminybob Sat 25-Feb-17 11:56:19

poobum To be honest she didnt have that much interest in me before I had DS! At least she comes to visit me now he has come along!

AnnieAnoniMouse Sat 25-Feb-17 12:06:20


She is beautiful no unreasonable expecting you to go in every day, let alone taking DS. She's an adult with a broken ankle, she hasnt just had a stroke/heart attack/dreadful diagnosis FGS.

Take her in her clean pants today, make sure she has a bit of money (newspaper/sweets/whatever), a book/knitting/sudoku/whatever, snacks & drinks etc. If someone else comes to visit, that's your opportunity to leave, if not stay for a bit. When you do leave, tell her you will see her Monday. You need to break the habit of going daily.

SparkleTwinkleGoldGlitter Sat 25-Feb-17 12:15:30

What a situation comes to visit which is a plan journey away and ends up breaking her ankle.

I don't think her wanting to see you everyday is that unreasonable tbh, she's your Mum she lives a plane journey away and on this trip has ended up in hospital so In that situation Id have no problems going everyday day but then me and mum have always been close and when I was in hospital in the past Mum come everyday so to me that would be normal for us.

once your mum goes home as she has to take a plane to visit you & ds won't see her for a while anyway?

MenopausalSpice Sat 25-Feb-17 12:29:34

My mother ended up in hospital whilst visiting me 200 miles away from her home. (Needed observation whilst changing medication) I felt obliged to visit her every day although I had two toddlers - had to find childcare for them for a couple of hours during the day.
Then back again in the evening till 8pm. It was a real PITA, and I'd rather not have had to go - but hey, she was my mother and she was 200 miles away from home and she would have been right royally pissed off if I'd not turned up at least once a day. I think you should go. It's only a temporary situation.

Eminybob Sun 26-Feb-17 15:52:42

I did go yesterday but without DS.
I told her I might not come today as we are busy, which she was fine with, she said she was just grateful that I had been coming every day.
But I popped in for a bit anyway as I found that I felt too guilty not too!

At least DS has had a couple of days off though.

Looks like she is going to be in longer than we thought, she's still not had the opsad

Ankleswingers Sun 26-Feb-17 16:05:39

100% I wouldn't expose my Children to the bugs in a hospital. They aren't the environment for children unless absolutely necessary.
Lots of unwell people in a ward and little children visiting does not really mix.

My DC wouldn't be going there at all, unless it was vital.

Purplefrogshoes Sun 26-Feb-17 16:12:00

I wouldn't take him because of the risk of him becoming unwell. I had no option to take my 21 month old to hospital on Friday because of an elderly relative and now he is unwell and miserable.

ElvishArchdruid Sun 26-Feb-17 16:39:23

They usually say to keep children that young off the wards due to bugs they can pass on or catch.

It's a tricky situation, even grown up children get bored. I think mine visited as it meant a trip to the shop so a gift pretty much daily.

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