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to be so annoyed?

(29 Posts)
AteRiri Sat 25-Feb-17 01:49:12

So I do the food shopping and all I ask is help to bring stuff up the stairs to our apartment (3 flights). We moved three weeks ago, so we've done this arrangement twice.

I messaged DH fifteen mins before I arrive, told him I'm coming home, and when I got to our place, he was not downstairs. I called him and he said he didn't think I needed him to come down.

I was so so pissed off. AIBU?

Crispbutty Sat 25-Feb-17 02:00:49

Did you say "please can you come and help with the shopping"? Or just assume he would come down

AteRiri Sat 25-Feb-17 02:01:46

No, I didn't think I needed to because we've done this twice, and I told him before I left I'd send a message when I'm on my way home, which I did.

ScarlettFreestone Sat 25-Feb-17 02:03:35

He gets the shopping next time I would think.

Crispbutty Sat 25-Feb-17 02:05:17

I wouldn't have been pissed off. I would have carried a couple of bags up and asked him to come help with the rest.

seven201 Sat 25-Feb-17 02:09:36

It's just a miscommunication. Just be clearer next time

BlueKarou Sat 25-Feb-17 02:11:26

Irritating that he didn't get the hint, but not totally frustrating, I think.

TheDowagerCuntess Sat 25-Feb-17 02:14:32

Genuine misunderstanding, surely? confused

EmeraldScorn Sat 25-Feb-17 02:30:43

Could you get it delivered? I know that's not the point but it would save you the hassle of having to ask your husband to wait outside to help you when it's obvious that some times he may not remember etc.

sibys1 Sat 25-Feb-17 06:13:13

Geez, I can't imagine getting annoyed with my partner (and to the point where I'd start a thread on the internet about it) over something so inconsequential.

user1471517900 Sat 25-Feb-17 07:00:04

I bet he hadn't even scattered the rose petals on the stairs either. What a bastard he sounds.

Bluntness100 Sat 25-Feb-17 07:05:50

Seems a bit petty and a misunderstanding. Just ask him to come down so no misunderstanding. Surely it can't be that big of a deal? It's not like he wasn't willing and point blank refused, he just thought he didn't have to.

highinthesky Sat 25-Feb-17 07:06:41

You could use the lift. Or do less shopping. Or leave his stuff in the car.


Want2bSupermum Sat 25-Feb-17 07:10:17

Path of least resistance. Tell him explicitly that he needs to carry the shopping up now. You aren't going to nag him. You are not asking either.

It's 3 flights, both of you should carry things up.

user1471517900 Sat 25-Feb-17 07:12:33

I'm sure he agrees that if there's a lot then they will share the carrying. He just didn't need to be outside when she got back. She can call or carry the first couple in and then he can help as someone said above.

FrenchLavender Sat 25-Feb-17 07:28:19

I don't think you can expect him to be downstairs waiting - you could have been held up in traffic or something. But I think you should have texted him 15 mins ahead of time to warn him then again upon arrival at which point he should have been ready to come straight down.

carabos Sat 25-Feb-17 07:37:48

My DH comes out of the house when he hears my car pull up. He knows I always have stuff to carry in, whether that's shopping or my work stuff. It's just one of those little gestures...I don't do it when it's him who has been shopping mind wink.

Get him trained up OP wink.

MuddyMoose Sat 25-Feb-17 07:45:49

When you called him did he still not come down to help or did he come down after said phone call?

AteRiri Sat 25-Feb-17 07:46:04

I messaged him 15 mins before I arrived. Which was the same thing I did the last two times.

I buy food (eggs, milk, meat, etc) from a farmer's market and I usually buy enough for a week because it's far.

There's no lift in the building - otherwise I won't take the stairs.

I didn't think of leaving stuff downstairs because other people might complain. We're new to the apartment complex.

Yes, I realize now it's petty compared to the problems of other people regarding their partners but hey, sometimes petty things are annoying you know?

gamerwidow Sat 25-Feb-17 07:49:48

Next time explicitly say I will be there in 15 mins I need your help to carry the bags up. 3 weeks isn't really long enough to say something is an established routine. To be fair to you I would have assumed you wanted me to carry the bags up when I got the text you were on your way but your DH obviously didn't make the connection.

elektrawoman Sat 25-Feb-17 07:51:36

So you told him you were coming home and assumed from that he would know you wanted him to help with the shopping. Then you are annoyed that he didn't realise that's what you meant. You need to be more explicit. I think you need to say 'I am coming home, meet me downstairs in 15 minutes to help carry the shopping'. If he had refused, then yes you would have had a reason to be annoyed. He probably didn't think you needed help because you didn't ask.

Communication is the key in relationships - if something like this is causing an issue there will be a lot more arguments along the way....

AteRiri Sat 25-Feb-17 07:55:04

Actually we've been together for 14 years (counting bf-gf) and we hardly fight. I guess I was petty earlier but I was just really annoyed. It might also have contributed that because it took a long time for me to find a cab, I was worried that the stuff I bought would go bad.

Keeptrudging Sat 25-Feb-17 07:56:38

Take a few bags up, give him the keys to get the rest/both go back down to get the rest. I think yabu to expect him to hang about downstairs to be there for you arriving.

user1471517900 Sat 25-Feb-17 07:56:45

Ah you were in a taxi, then yep a quick call when you're arriving to say "I need help with shopping" should work

Keeptrudging Sat 25-Feb-17 07:57:52

Sorry, just realised you were in a cab. I'd have just phoned as the cab got to the house then, not 15 minutes before.

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