NC for this as some of my previous posts are identifying.
I had an abortion about 12 years ago. I don't want to give too many details surrounding the pregnancy but the baby was wanted and then I got shoe horned in to having an abortion. Which I've always regretted.
I've always felt uncomfortable about what happened and reading more on mumsnet the last few years about other's experiences I've started to think my experience wasn't quite right.
I booked in to a central London Marie Stopes and back then the only option was a surgical procedure. I was assured I would be given medication so that I wouldn't feel a thing and would be pretty out of it so not be as 'present'. I think they gave me a Valium beforehand and an injection of something. To be honest I was in a bit of a state so can't remember so well.
What I do remember was feeling very clear headed and also feeling everything they were doing. Not huge amounts of pain but a fair amount. I remember sobbing and asking them to stop. Obviously the procedure was underway so that wasn't an option but I didn't receive one kind word, in fact, they were talking about what they were going to do after work.
When I came out and went in the recovery room there were maybe 5 or 6 of us lying on loungers. I was pretty upset and remember asking a nurse if I could talk to someone and she said 'no, you've already had the counselling session included in the price, did you really expect to feel happy right now? All of these girls are in the same situation as you now.' That was it.
After this I had a pretty rough few months. I went completely off the rails and ended up under the home care team after a suicide attempt. My doctor (who was absolutely lovely) was horrified I didn't go to her and said that it would have been much better to have had it done on the NHS as they give a general, she thought that mild sedation was barbaric and that she'd heard other complaints about private clinics.
Part of me is wondering if I'm making too much of this as it wasn't really something I wanted to do. But it was incredibly traumatic. It's not something I'll ever get over and I do think that it didn't go as they're meant to. Or is this just how they were done back then? It was a Marie Stopes not a shoddy backstreet place which is why I'm unsure.
It's not really the kind of thing I want to talk about irl with anyone. I've told a couple of people about the abortion but their responses have made me so ashamed I've not felt like telling anyone else let alone the details.
AIBU?
I'm thinking this abortion experience wasn't quite right?
mrsmummum · 24/02/2017 19:11
That sounds horrendous OP. I had an abortion in 1999 in a private clinic, it was under a general. I can't remember even being given the option of sedation only. I hope you're ok 
Ah shit mrsmum you poor thing 
I'm glad you recognise that your experience isn't good. Why did people make you feel bad about having an abortion? They're total fuckers and I hope you dropped them like a stone.
I had one 11 years ago. I went through NHS but they referred me to a private clinic as I was 13/14 weeks
I was asleep under general so don't remember anything but waking up on a trolley next to a row of other women wasn't nice - felt a bit like a cattle Market. We were all crying and I was in A LOT of pain
I remember being very quickly ushered out to my friend who was waiting and it felt rushed and horrible.
I accompanied my friend to the same procedure but in an NHS hospital and her experience was a lot better, she was given 4 hours to rest in bed afterwards and only told to leave when she felt ready, they fed her and brought her drinks and made her feel looked after.
I'm not 100% sure but I think mine was also at Marie stopes
Hugs xxxx
Not the same friend?! I made that sound like a tag team 
it was 2 years later and a different friend!
Definitely not right OP.
I had the 'twilight sleep' anaesthetic and I don't really remember anything. I do know that they were very kind to me afterwards.
Conversely when giving birth to my much-wanted baby, the nurse was awful and rude when I was clearly in distress. Some people are just not very nice and/or enjoy being horrible to vulnerable people.
Please do pursue counselling
for you OP.
This wasn't a good experience, I had a termination on the NHS about 16 years ago, completely under so didn't feel a thing, pretty groggy & upset after but that's to be expected in most cases-the only thing I did think wasn't great was the nurse dealing with my aftercare was heavily pregnant which I still to this day think was hugely insensitive.
You poor thing. Please go for bereavement counselling now, if you have access and can face it. I had a late miscarriage (had to go into labour at 22 weeks) 23 years ago and it was the worst experience of my life. It still haunts me and I have had help I wish you well in your recovery. You were not treated well, you are not wrong in thinking it should have been better.
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