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I'm thinking this abortion experience wasn't quite right?

(69 Posts)
mrsmummum Fri 24-Feb-17 19:11:48

NC for this as some of my previous posts are identifying.

I had an abortion about 12 years ago. I don't want to give too many details surrounding the pregnancy but the baby was wanted and then I got shoe horned in to having an abortion. Which I've always regretted.

I've always felt uncomfortable about what happened and reading more on mumsnet the last few years about other's experiences I've started to think my experience wasn't quite right.

I booked in to a central London Marie Stopes and back then the only option was a surgical procedure. I was assured I would be given medication so that I wouldn't feel a thing and would be pretty out of it so not be as 'present'. I think they gave me a Valium beforehand and an injection of something. To be honest I was in a bit of a state so can't remember so well.

What I do remember was feeling very clear headed and also feeling everything they were doing. Not huge amounts of pain but a fair amount. I remember sobbing and asking them to stop. Obviously the procedure was underway so that wasn't an option but I didn't receive one kind word, in fact, they were talking about what they were going to do after work.

When I came out and went in the recovery room there were maybe 5 or 6 of us lying on loungers. I was pretty upset and remember asking a nurse if I could talk to someone and she said 'no, you've already had the counselling session included in the price, did you really expect to feel happy right now? All of these girls are in the same situation as you now.' That was it.

After this I had a pretty rough few months. I went completely off the rails and ended up under the home care team after a suicide attempt. My doctor (who was absolutely lovely) was horrified I didn't go to her and said that it would have been much better to have had it done on the NHS as they give a general, she thought that mild sedation was barbaric and that she'd heard other complaints about private clinics.

Part of me is wondering if I'm making too much of this as it wasn't really something I wanted to do. But it was incredibly traumatic. It's not something I'll ever get over and I do think that it didn't go as they're meant to. Or is this just how they were done back then? It was a Marie Stopes not a shoddy backstreet place which is why I'm unsure.

It's not really the kind of thing I want to talk about irl with anyone. I've told a couple of people about the abortion but their responses have made me so ashamed I've not felt like telling anyone else let alone the details.

miserableandinpain Fri 24-Feb-17 19:18:08

[Flowers] that sounds awful. I have no advice as not been in that situation but it doesnt sound right.

I have a friend who had an abortion and it wasnt that barbaric and she was well cared for after.
X
I am sure someone else will be along with better knowledge soon.
X

YawningHippo Fri 24-Feb-17 19:24:30

That is appalling.

When I had my termination last year, I couldn't have been treated better. It was a very quick procedure ( under a general as it was too late for a medical one) and I was well looked after afterwards.

Please please consider some grief counselling to help come to terms with this.

CreepyPasta Fri 24-Feb-17 19:27:01

That sounds horrendous OP. I had an abortion in 1999 in a private clinic, it was under a general. I can't remember even being given the option of sedation only. I hope you're ok flowers

heartisshattered Fri 24-Feb-17 19:29:54

Ah shit mrsmum you poor thing sad

I'm glad you recognise that your experience isn't good. Why did people make you feel bad about having an abortion? They're total fuckers and I hope you dropped them like a stone.

flossyfloss Fri 24-Feb-17 19:34:56

I had one 11 years ago. I went through NHS but they referred me to a private clinic as I was 13/14 weeks

I was asleep under general so don't remember anything but waking up on a trolley next to a row of other women wasn't nice - felt a bit like a cattle Market. We were all crying and I was in A LOT of pain sad

I remember being very quickly ushered out to my friend who was waiting and it felt rushed and horrible.

I accompanied my friend to the same procedure but in an NHS hospital and her experience was a lot better, she was given 4 hours to rest in bed afterwards and only told to leave when she felt ready, they fed her and brought her drinks and made her feel looked after.

I'm not 100% sure but I think mine was also at Marie stopes

Hugs xxxx

flossyfloss Fri 24-Feb-17 19:35:54

Not the same friend?! I made that sound like a tag team confused it was 2 years later and a different friend!

mrsmummum Fri 24-Feb-17 19:37:51

One was my Mother unfortunately and the others were friends. Who I did indeed drop.

I told dh at the start of our relationship but just mentioned it quickly, it's not something I'd feel comfortable talking to him about.

I'm not sure I could talk to anyone about it. I feel like it would open a floodgate and possibly I'd feel worse.

I'm pretty matter of face and tough about most things. I've had a few miscarriages that I've rallyed pretty quickly from and been objective about but this is still haunting me.

mrsmummum Fri 24-Feb-17 19:39:25

I don't think they offered me a general. I'm sure I would have taken that option if it was offered. I was terrified. Maybe they did and the cost was prohibitive. It's all such a blur to be honest.

badabeedabom Fri 24-Feb-17 19:40:15

Definitely not right OP.

I had the 'twilight sleep' anaesthetic and I don't really remember anything. I do know that they were very kind to me afterwards.

Conversely when giving birth to my much-wanted baby, the nurse was awful and rude when I was clearly in distress. Some people are just not very nice and/or enjoy being horrible to vulnerable people.

Please do pursue counselling flowers

badabeedabom Fri 24-Feb-17 19:42:41

Sorry, cross posted.

You would probably feel much worse if you talked about it. I do think though that with a skilled counsellor you will then be able to drag everything up, process it and hopefully put it to rest. It is harder at first, but then it gets easier.

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom Fri 24-Feb-17 19:43:13

flowers for you OP.
This wasn't a good experience, I had a termination on the NHS about 16 years ago, completely under so didn't feel a thing, pretty groggy & upset after but that's to be expected in most cases-the only thing I did think wasn't great was the nurse dealing with my aftercare was heavily pregnant which I still to this day think was hugely insensitive.

VivienneWestwoodsKnickers Fri 24-Feb-17 19:43:17

I found a forum a few years ago, dedicated to supporting women through termination and pregnancy loss. It helped me come to terms with my own termination.

My experience wasn't as bad as yours and was with the NHS under general or at least full sedation, but my trauma was still enormous. Not helped by the attitude of the staff or the entire process. Counselling was non-existent.

I can massively recommend counselling. Let it all out. Sob. Scream. Swear. Fight. Give in to it. It's better than holding back the flood every day. It's hard. Very hard. But so much better to work through it. When you're ready.

Pettywoman Fri 24-Feb-17 19:47:04

That sounds barbaric and not right at all. flowers

Dumdedumdedum Fri 24-Feb-17 19:58:53

You poor thing. Please go for bereavement counselling now, if you have access and can face it. I had a late miscarriage (had to go into labour at 22 weeks) 23 years ago and it was the worst experience of my life. It still haunts me and I have had help sad I wish you well in your recovery. You were not treated well, you are not wrong in thinking it should have been better. flowers

atheistmantis Fri 24-Feb-17 20:00:07

When I had an abortion I told them after the premed that I had changed my mind, they hadn't started the procedure but they did it anyway because they said it was too late to change my mind. Because of my age I wasn't asked to sign a consent form, an adult had to sign it.

captgill Fri 24-Feb-17 20:05:18

I'm so sorry that you've had such a horrendous experience. I'm wondering if perhaps you are suffering from some form of PTSD. I would encourage you to speak to your gp and ask to be referred for counselling or else contact a counsellor privately.
This shouldn't have happened to you and you in no way deserved it.
Hugs

Dumdedumdedum Fri 24-Feb-17 20:09:15

So much shit, atheistmantis - I hope you are OK now.
Just in case my posts are making anyone wonder, I am pro-choice and anti death penalty. It is a woman's right to choose and it is not up to us to decide to kill someone as punishment for a crime.

statetrooperstacey Fri 24-Feb-17 20:13:04

I gad a termination on the nhs. Was given a GA but had to have pessarys inserted about 8 hours before it, the pessaries were inserted almost into cervix, I hit my head on the bed rail it was inserted with such force, had to then contract for several hours befor being taken to theatre. Was more painfull than the actual child births I have been through since. Needed pethidine twice. Fucking awful. I think most are to be honest.

Anonymous1112 Fri 24-Feb-17 20:19:00

Nhs here, medical rather than surgical but I was made to feel like a complete piece of scum. It was 10 years ago but I won't forget.

Itsjustaphase2016 Fri 24-Feb-17 20:21:37

Just to say:I had one in the same place 9 years ago and it was a similar experience.i was sedated, and it was surgical, and I didn't want to but felt I had to. I was screaming and saying "stop stop" and I just remember the nurse saying to the doctor "I hate it when they scream like that". Sends shivers down my spine thinking of that now...but tbh I came to terms, moved on and have since married and had more children and although I don't like thinking about it, it's now just faded into a sad memory. And all in all, it was almost certainly the right thing to do, although didn't feel it at the time!

theothercatpurred Fri 24-Feb-17 20:32:14

Don't feel bad about not going to the NHS. I did, at about the same time as you. They made me wait nearly 4 weeks for the termination appointment. I was nearly 3 months by the time I was seen.

I think that was unnecessarily cruel.

TwilightSparkles Fri 24-Feb-17 20:32:39

I changed my name due to the fact no-one knows about mine either and same reasons.
That Sounds absolutely horrid experience I cannot imagine how you're feeling 12 years down the line. It sounds horrific and barbaric I just can't believe it was even allowed however I do think the general Marie stopes clinics are all the same with their regard to patient mental health

I went to my doctors when I was 16 on my own. I had no-one my parents would've been absolutely mortified (to say the least) and I had an absolutely horrible relationship with my mother and my bf at the time was ..I can't explain how bad.

All I remember is I was sent in to have a scan , she left the room but left the sonogram on I remember wanting to look if it was still on the screen so badly but didn't know what I was looking for . No-one talked to me at all no counselling. Took a tablet Went home and then went back 2 days later for the second one. Sat in a room full of women looking terrified called in and given a quick pill and sent on my way. Was told to get a lift home quickly but seriously by whom ..16 on my own??? so I travelled around and got on a few buses to get home which took a very long time and just before I got off the bus I started miscarrying. No-one said what it would feel like i didn't know I thought it would be like a period nothing like what it was. Went home and pretended I was sick for a few days and then had to continue like nothing had happened. To this day I've not told my family and only my current partner and best friend knows because like you said you even mention the word abortion and people are so judgemental and mean.

There are lots of charities for post abortion counselling please contact them if you feel like you do. I hope one day you will find peace with the decision you had to make and what you went through. My only solace is I would not be where I am now if I had continued with the pregnancy but it still hurts to think about so I can't imagine how you must have felt having to feel all that and be so aware and not under general.
Flowers: and cake: for you

Dumdedumdedum Fri 24-Feb-17 20:35:09

Twilight. That is such shit. So sorry.

BillSykesDog Fri 24-Feb-17 20:40:32

Marie Stopes had it's surgical abortion service suspended last year because of concerns over the safety of their anaesthesia.

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/world/2016/aug/19/marie-stopes-suspends-some-abortion-services-over-safety-issues

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