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WIBU not to attend a wedding because of the dress code?

(164 Posts)
UserUmpteen Fri 24-Feb-17 18:13:26

NC because it's identifiable. There's a bit of ill feeling involved too if I'm honest, but AIBU not to want to pay for a tux for DH, cocktail dress for me (zero chance they'd be worn again and I TBH even hiring is an expense I could do without) only to chase the DCs round all afternoon and evening? Is it a bit pissy of me to decline on that basis? We don't have much money; they do and probably would not think this reasonable grounds for declining.

LucklessMonster Fri 24-Feb-17 18:15:46


lazymum99 Fri 24-Feb-17 18:15:47

If you don't want to go. Don't go. Life's too short.
Just make sure your excuse is good.

sonyaya Fri 24-Feb-17 18:16:46

Are they dictating the dress code for guests? Not a huge fan of that.

You can decline for whatever reason you like so YANBU.

cushioncovers Fri 24-Feb-17 18:17:13

Yanbu weddings are expensive.

However if it's a close family member and the wedding date has been known about for a while then yabu

FagAshMIL Fri 24-Feb-17 18:17:32


SummerHouse Fri 24-Feb-17 18:18:09

How does DH feel about not going. If he is in agreement then don't go.

mybumisaplum Fri 24-Feb-17 18:18:26

If there's ill feeling and you don't want to go, I wouldn't bother. But I wouldn't cite dress code when declining the invite I'd make up a terrible never before heard of illness

PurpleDaisies Fri 24-Feb-17 18:19:00

How is the dress code worded? Can you interpret it to fit what you've got in your wardrobe?

LakieLady Fri 24-Feb-17 18:19:35

I got my ex's dinner suit for £20 in a charity shop. Might be worth looking around. We used to go to a few formal things and I still have some cocktail dresses (and evening dresses, and a ballgown) that I regularly lend to friends. Couldn't you borrow something from a mate?

I think evening-type wear for a wedding is a bit weird though. Dinner suits in daylight look strange to me, even at Glyndebourne (which might make me sound snooty, but it's near where I live and I know people who work there, so get freebies from time to time).

UserUmpteen Fri 24-Feb-17 18:20:19

It's a family member but not close. I knew the date beforehand but only briefly. It's the celebration because the wedding is elsewhere. It's the expense of the dictated dress code that's the problem. DH has a suit. I would prefer to buy something I could double up for work or less formal going out. As I say though there has been a bit of ill feeling, partly my fault, partly theirs, and I think that is colouring my judgment.

ThroughThickAndThin01 Fri 24-Feb-17 18:22:08

I would love this so yabu!

I get that it might be expensive, but there must be ways of doing it cheaply. Has a friend got something they could lend you to wear?

UserUmpteen Fri 24-Feb-17 18:22:27

When I say DH has a suit I mean one that's suitable for a standard wedding. I could charity shop or eBay I guess. We will feel stupid because we are the poor relations anyway.

pasturesgreen Fri 24-Feb-17 18:22:31

If you don't want to go then just don't. It doesn't look as though you like the bride and groom a lot, tbh.

But I wouldn't tell them that's the reason why you're declining, personally. Just make something else up.

UserUmpteen Fri 24-Feb-17 18:23:47

I don't have a big social circle and certainly no one I could borrow a posh frock from (and I'm bigger than them anyway).

UserUmpteen Fri 24-Feb-17 18:24:59

Interesting that some are suggesting making up an excuse rather than saying it's because of the dress code. That's what's making it difficult after all. I earn a little more than min wage.

MrsandMrsSmith Fri 24-Feb-17 18:25:25

Why not wear what you want? Are they going to refuse you entry?

gleam Fri 24-Feb-17 18:25:29

Could you get a sitter for the kids, so it's more relaxed for you both?

Coconut0il Fri 24-Feb-17 18:26:01

Expensive, relative I'm not close too, dress I'll never wear again, an evening chasing the DC? I wouldn't go.

gleam Fri 24-Feb-17 18:26:13

Charity shop in a posh area?

WhoKn0wsWhereTheTimeG0es Fri 24-Feb-17 18:26:27

It's bad enough having to dress up in notmal wedding attire let alone cocktail dress and tux, I'd be inclined to decline too YANBU.

ThroughThickAndThin01 Fri 24-Feb-17 18:27:43

You sound so grumpy about it, but it's their wedding and their choice. You are making it all about you. Either go or don't go, but don't begrudge them for having the wedding they would like.

KoalaDownUnder Fri 24-Feb-17 18:28:16

It's the celebration because the wedding is elsewhere

That's the clincher for me. I wouldn't be going to that trouble & expense for not even the actual wedding.

cookiefiend Fri 24-Feb-17 18:29:19

If you are honest you run the risk of them saying that you don't need to dress up and feeling a bit of a numpty when everyone else is. Also it might be seen to be critical of their decisions.

It is honest though and so if you feel you can be honest that probably is best. I would totally lie in your position.

Bodear Fri 24-Feb-17 18:29:50

Obviously if you don't want to go then yanbu to decline. Agree with others, if you do want to go then you could probably do it by eBay/ charity shops/ less formal dress with dressier accessories/ etc. However your last post about feeling stupid makes it sound like you wouldn't have a good time anyway. I think in your position I wouldn't go and then would spend the evening doing something fun instead.
Oh, and if it makes you feel better, black tie weddings are really naff (especially if it's not an actual wedding -smacks of trying to shoehorn some class into the affair grin)

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