Talk

Flip

1 2 3 4

AIBU?

To think my mother should make more effort with grandson

76 replies

ParsleyCake · 23/02/2017 23:06

Since we had my now 2 year old son, we've been trying to spend more time with our families, so that DS will have a bond with his grandparents and aunts and uncles. My partner's family are doing a good job of this; they are almost always available to meet up or visit and are always offering to babysit. My mother (my dad passed away years ago) isn't doing much at all.

This is surprising to us both, as OH's family were not supportive parents, and were not very good to him (I won't go into detail, but it contributes to why I'm not comfortable taking up their babysitting offers), whereas my mum was there for both me and OH as we grew up (we met when we were quite young), and helped us out when we had no money, and drove us around to get to work and college and things like that, long after I left home. That said, I was a moody teenager and cut myself off emotionally from her...well it looks like that has come back to bite me, as she has become quite distant with us.

My mother is always 'too busy' or 'too tired' when we want to meet up. As I said, my son is 2 now and we have yet to get her to come out with us anywhere with him. She hardly ever visits, and though we try to visit her every weekend, she often fobs us off. It's not like we are expecting her to do much either - it takes us half an hour to walk to her house with the pram (we don't drive and don't have enough money to waste it on a bus if it isn't necessary) and then we just sit in her living room and talk to my sisters (she'll only come down to talk to us for a few minutes because she's 'too busy')and we're never offered tea or biscuits or anything. It's very awkward and uncomfortable.

All we want is for him to have a bond with his granny, but she doesn't seem to want to play ball. At first, when he was about 3 months old, she was happy to babysit him, but he cried a lot and after the first few times she got noticeably less enthusiastic. She doesn't have a good manner with babies, to be honest. She's too loud and 'in your face' and it freaked DS out, and though I tried to let her know, it just seems like she has decided he doesn't like her and she's not willing to make further effort. It's ridiculous, he's only a baby and yet she has repeatedly told me he doesn't like her - but he sees her less than once a month (during our visits where she barely talks to or touches him) and she doesn't seem to understand that she has to make an effort with him if he is going to like her.

This is all really starting to get to me, but I really could deal with it, because I know she doesn't have it easy. My siblings still live at home, she is a single mother, and she has bad health and a difficult job. It's no wonder she doesn't want to go out during the week or do anything too strenuous. I would argue that she could stand to give up an afternoon or morning, but truly I could even forgive that. If it weren't for her church.

Not long after DS was born, she started going to church, and because of that, her Sundays are now completely off limits. She's at church until mid afternoon, and after that it's 'too late' to do anything and she's too tired. Fair enough, there's still Saturdays, right? Nope, that's the one day she doesn't have plans and she needs it to relax and recover from the week. So while she allows visits sometimes on Saturdays, it feels very grudging and DS doesn't have much fun there and we don't feel particularly welcome.

I'm just getting quite upset at the moment. I feel really cut off from friends and family - none of my friends have kids and they are busy with the student lifestyle and studying, so though I do go out with them when I can, I can't talk to them about parenting issues - and parenting is pretty much my life now. There's only so much I can talk about my boring job. I have social anxiety and struggle to make new friends. Apart from that, we are really struggling with money and our only trustworthy option for babysitting is my mum.

What do I do? All I can think is to keep trying. I'm not usually so depressed, I'm an upbeat kind of person but every time I think about how my mum is slowly cutting us out of her life, I get upset and angry.

OP posts:

Report

ParsleyCake · 23/02/2017 23:08

Just to add, she refuses to miss church EVER, but has missed most of her grandsons life and this is what is really getting to me

OP posts: