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to refuse to go on these 'family' days out?

(52 Posts)
Springersrock Thu 23-Feb-17 12:07:13

Just for a bit of background - Mil/step FiL live 20 minutes outside of London, 2 SiLs and 1 BiL live in London. We (me, DH, 2 DDs) live in Devon.

A couple of years ago MiL wanted us to go on a 'family' day out. We agreed in theory, depending when/where/etc. It turned out that said 'family' day out was an adults only piss up in London. Given the distance and the £££ involved, we decided not to go.

It was brought up again last year, but the date they had agreed clashed with something we already had on so we didn't go again

So, it's being discussed again. MiL has got really shitty that as we haven't been the last 2 years, we "have" to go

It's a right arse ache for us - given the distance, we'd have to stay up there for the weekend, find a baby sitter, someone to look after the dog and feed the cats.

I can't think of many things I'd like least than going on the piss round London, I wouldn't mind if we were sight seeing, but sitting in bars watching other people get pissed isn't on my top 10.

I work full time all week and quite like my kids so if I'm going to all that expense and effort, it will be to do something with my kids.

So I said no, suggested DH go on his own. He doesn't want to go either so the shit has hit the fan.

We visit them regularly, so it's not like they never see us, plus as half our family has been excluded anyway, so I don't think we're really being that unreasonable.

We've lived here for 12 years and in all that time none of them have never visited us so DH said perhaps they could come and see us for a change.

StillStayingClassySanDiego Thu 23-Feb-17 12:09:34

Don't go, can't think of a good reason why you should if they can't be arsed to visit you once in 12 years.

Let MiL throw a queeny fit about it, it won't kill her.

Springersrock Thu 23-Feb-17 12:10:11

Also, again, the date they are suggesting clashes with something else.

We hadn't confirmed/booked yet, but it's an annual local event we usually do

BarbarianMum Thu 23-Feb-17 12:10:13

No YANBU at all. Are you sure you want them to visit?

PointxTaken Thu 23-Feb-17 12:11:32

I would suggest a family adult only piss up in Devon as a compromise. (or just a long weekend, they can take care of their own accomodation).

I am totally with your husband and you frankly, it sounds awful.
Otherwise, what about a long weekend/ week in London to meet the family, but you can't join the adult only evening because of the kids. You could still meet for lunch, there are plenty of pubs with playgrounds for the kids.

Mulberry72 Thu 23-Feb-17 12:11:57


Ignore MIL, let her have a strop.
Remember its an invitation not a summons

Justmuddlingalong Thu 23-Feb-17 12:12:02

Refuse, and keep refusing. They can't make you go. Tell them you will not be joining them, and that you won't be discussing it again. Hoik you big girl knickers up. flowers

HCantThinkOfAUsername Thu 23-Feb-17 12:15:39

YANBU, I think you've been more than fair inviting them down

KingJoffreysRestingCuntface Thu 23-Feb-17 12:16:26

Just say no.

Family days out are supposed to be nice trips to aquariums, not cold, noisy piss ups.

Invite them for a nice day out instead.

ItsNiceItsDifferentItsUnusual Thu 23-Feb-17 12:18:19

I wouldn't want to do this either, but I think the biggest issue is that none of them have bothered themselves to visit you in 12 years. Assuming you haven't gone out your way to bar your door to them, that's just bloody rude.

Springersrock Thu 23-Feb-17 12:23:27

Remember its an invitation not a summons

Not in MiL's world grin

I have absolutely no intention of ever going, I expect we'll get this nonsense every year though.

They'll all been invited here several times (although we've given up asking in recent years). MiL did agree once, but cancelled last minute.

Obviously, it's all my fault hmm

MenopausalSpice Thu 23-Feb-17 12:24:46

No YANBU. Sounds grim and you could spend the money on something you'd actually enjoy.

May09Bump Thu 23-Feb-17 12:27:53

Treat her like a toddler, let her strop and then repeat no!

Don't give in, sounds a headache and i wouldn't spend a penny on that trip.

Zaphodsotherhead Thu 23-Feb-17 12:28:33

How can it be a 'family' day out when it's for adults only?

Do children not count as family?

Crispbutty Thu 23-Feb-17 12:28:57

We have similar problems meeting up with friends and family as we moved from London to Devon and it's almost always us travelling to London to see them. We have finally arranged a meet up down here this year though and are all going to Torquay for the air show in June.

Hotels all booked and everyone has sorted time off work. None of them seem to have worked out how they are getting here yet though....

morningconstitutional2017 Thu 23-Feb-17 12:31:39

My sympathies, obviously whenever this comes up and you refuse it's always going to be your fault because you took her darling boy away. You just can't win with some people I'm afraid.
Doesn't she realise how long it takes to get from Devon to London? Maybe you could invite the clan to yours but I feel that this won't be very enjoyable either - and you'll spend weeks beforehand dreading it.

LizzieMacQueen Thu 23-Feb-17 12:47:54

Same time every year - is it her birthday?

AnnieAnoniMouse Thu 23-Feb-17 12:48:12

Why are you giving this any head space?

You don't want to go, your DH doesn't want to go. It's not as if he's trying to persuade you to go!

Do yourself a favour and move on...

Oh and don't invite them again. The buggers might actually come!

Skooba Thu 23-Feb-17 12:55:44

You could say something vagueish like 'once the DCs are older it will be easier for us to get away'.

ohfourfoxache Thu 23-Feb-17 13:01:12

Let her strop.

You wouldn't give in to a toddler tantrum, don't give into a MIL meltdown

HarryPottersMagicWand Thu 23-Feb-17 13:05:27

Just tell her it won't be happening, ever. Then ignore like you would a tantrumming toddler.

EggsEleven Thu 23-Feb-17 13:05:46

I wouldn't go and I wouldn't give it a s cond thought. Invite them on a family day out in Devon if they don't think the travel is any huge inconvenience

BeyondThePage Thu 23-Feb-17 13:06:19

We get invited to a family fun weekend every year... with games and BBQ and everything... we don't go.

MIL is cheesed off, it is 250 miles away and if we don't go, then she has to get the coach.

We still don't go.

NoSquirrels Thu 23-Feb-17 13:08:52

Oh good lord, if your DH her own son doesn't fancy going, then of course it's not your fault or your problem.

Decline politely, invite them all again to Devon, with faux sincerity about how amazing it would be to see them all, and then ignore.

Springersrock Thu 23-Feb-17 13:10:56

Thanks all!

I don't usually give her much thought, but I am really fed up with being made out to be the bad guy all the time.

We've always been a bit prickly, I make an effort but I can never win. On the whole, I've given up trying but it gets a bit tedious.

It's not her birthday, I don't know why this weekend keeps being suggested. I have a small crafty business and that weekend is an annual event that I usually go to. I haven't decided if I'll do it this year, so she thought that she should take priority as she got in first.

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