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To think you shouldn't post your nude photos next to photos of your children on social media

(186 Posts)
DementedChicken Thu 23-Feb-17 09:22:19

So i'm the step mother to 2 children, DSD 9 and DSS 11, I also have DD 10 who lives with me and DH, my step children stay with us 2 nights a week. Their mother does modelling on the side, a fair bit of which is not suitable for work NSFW - I just learnt that! It's very easy to find on the internet even though she goes by various character names. She did take them off her personal FB page and just had them on her modelling FB page, which she uses a different name altogether on but is using the surname of my DH which personally I think is a bit cheeky. It was created after they divorced, in fact she is heading towards divorce #2 and has photos of her new BF on there, so it's still in active use.

Anyway, when you search her various names in Google, her photos come up and inbetween those are photos of the kids, not entirelly sure what control she can have over that but her IG and Twitter accounts are full of pictures of revealling/topless/sexual photos and inbetween she is uploading photos of the kids when they were babies or current photos in their school uniforms for example, with their names embroidered on the front and school emblem. That worries me as she has to block people who she describes as obsessed, she also gets weird requests such as worn panties or to do certain poses for people who have certain fetishes and yes fetish is one of the styles she goes for along with burlesque, lingerie, splashed yoghurt and smeared fruit, you catch my drift. She is in her early 30's a plus size model which she takes pride in being but then also loathes herself for it and would love to be slimmer. My DH never ever takes delight in me opening the door to her in my tight fitting clothes with size 6 waist while she stands there in baggy jumpers looking like she got dressed in charity shop in the dark. I don't know, maybe the homeless look is in this season and every season.

She leaves them home alone and DSS (the oldest) is being tested for SEN, sleeps with the light on, talks to himself constantly. He was sat in the next room and the kitchen was on fire - she was home before you panic, but was upstairs in the shower so a neighbour had to knock and tell her the house was on fire. Small fire she dealt with herself, caused by clothes falling onto a tealight. Got no proof but my thoughts are my DSS who is clumsy and always knocking things over who has hand eye co-ordination issues may have been involved without realising, we will never know. I don't know how long she leaves them for, they walk home from school to another village which would take them about 20 minutes at the most, they may be home half an hour before she gets in, I don't know if it's longer, the kids generally cover for her.

DSD is also obese, the kids have school lunches so it could be pizza, burgers etc daily then at morning break she alternates between a sausage sandwich and chocolate milk. She often chooses chocolate milk at lunch time. I don't know if mum classes that as a hot meal and gives them sandwiches at teatime, I know that is sometimes the case. They never eat a meal together anyway she has always cooked the kids a separate meal and she eats later. She lets the kids eat and drink what they want and we give them water, fruit, limit desserts, so we are the bad ones and mum is amazing giving the treats. DSS was also overweight but he has less of a sweet tooth, also put himself on a bit of a diet by saying no to things and he also had a growth spurt so is fine now. DSD who is 9 has to wear a mens size medium belt to keep her ladies size 12 trousers up as the size 10 was too tight.

Their mother works weekends and stays with her new BF in his flat which has 1 bedroom. They sleep on the sofa and DSD and DSS share a double bed. The new BF looks after the kids while she is out. She goes away for a few nights with her new BF regularly and the kids don't know where she has gone or for how long and it's only through social media we discover she has gone abroad-again.

Generally at their mothers house, school letters aren't read never mind signed, diary isn't looked at and DSS gets quite a few comments from his teacher due to no homework or diary not being signed, he had 30 negative comments from his teachers last year. DSD who is bright and very compliant has started getting comments for no homework too. One bit of which is a test with questions that need to be read out by an adult and timed, we found out DSS had to do it as mum wasn't home and she had already got wrong for it not being done. It is only because we step in to sort all the school things out that the school aren't complaining about there being any issues. She however thinks she can take all the credit for the kids, particularly at parents evening and the only reason she has an appointment was because I pushed DH to intervene and arrange it. DSS hides parents evening letters.

It has taken months and months to get any help with DSS and his problems, she has ignored them too long and it was only due to a teacher pushing for him to get help for his SATS that anything is being done. She sits with letters for ages not arranging appointments or appointments get made and she forgets or doesn't read the letter properly and misses it, it is a saga in itself. The kids get dropped off with us and often don't have coats or p.e. kits because her life is so chaotic, always taking on more than she can handle. She is a student so is busy Mon-Fri, then working all weekends. The kids are missing her as she is so busy all the time but solves it by buying presents and feeding them treats but always has time for the modelling which she isn't always paid for, she is building her portfolio. We step in to help a lot with extra childcare, sort the school stuff, we do what we can to make her less stressed but it's never appreciated.

There is so much more I could say, we deal with so many issues. But that gets us started. AIBU, am I just a judgy pants???? Is it acceptable to have your nipples on show photos next to photos of your kids.

She is studying to be a social worker BTW

Keeptrudging Thu 23-Feb-17 09:31:29

I don't know where to start with this, so will ignore most of it and just say, why does your DP not have them more, if their home life is dangerous/chaotic? These children have 2 parents, and if one of those parents is struggling, it's time for the other one to step up to help. It's not all on the mother's shoulders. DP can ask to get all information from school, he can also buy PE/school clothes to keep so they have it at both houses.

itsmine Thu 23-Feb-17 09:31:59

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

19lottie82 Thu 23-Feb-17 09:36:58

My DH never ever takes delight in
me opening the door to her in my tight fitting clothes with size 6 waist while
stands there in baggy jumpers looking like she got dressed in charity shop in the
. I don't know, maybe the homeless look
* is in this season and every season*

You were doing okay until you posted this OP.

After that you just come across as a fucking bitch and I'm not entirely convinced your story is totally exaggerated.

Here's a little tip, never EVER let your step kids hear you talking about their mum like that. They won't thank you for it.

LoveMyLittleSuperhero Thu 23-Feb-17 09:37:41

Your dp needs to step in a little more if the kids are in this situation, in that aspect YANBU.

For the rest of the post you are most definitely BU, and very much a judgy pants. I hope you aren't tearing your step daughters confidence down as constant comments about her weight/size could end up exasperating the problem rather than helping. It certainly didn't help me as a child. More of a "if I'm that bad why try" thing. Poor kid.

ItsReginaPhalange Thu 23-Feb-17 09:40:36

Size 6 waist...... yes, because all of our attractiveness and self worth it wrapped up in a dress sizehmm stop looking her up, don't ever let the DSC hear you talk about their Mum in that manner. Oh and maybe figure out why you are so insecure about her and need to look her up!

Christmasnoooooooooooo Thu 23-Feb-17 09:40:38

Your DH is clearly has type which is someone that is aware of their body . If you ever have kids with this man expect you will have the baby weight gone in a flash .
Why is DH not got the kids full time ?

DementedChicken Thu 23-Feb-17 09:40:58

We were supposed to be having the children 96 hours this week, she wanted to increase it to 98 but because we couldn't have the kids the extra 2 hours so she could go out socially she cancelled us having them most of the week. We were originally having them 2 nights a week on a regular basis which increased to 4 or 5 since she split from her last husband.

AnyFucker Thu 23-Feb-17 09:41:40

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

HandsomeBoys Thu 23-Feb-17 09:42:05

You sound awful. Really.

kittybiscuits Thu 23-Feb-17 09:42:22


19lottie82 Thu 23-Feb-17 09:42:35

I'd love to hear the other side of this story. hmm

HandsomeBoys Thu 23-Feb-17 09:43:07

And why are you googling her if she's so horrible? hmm

bigredboat Thu 23-Feb-17 09:43:42

What is the relevance of you being a size 6 to your question about the appropriateness of her social media posts?

elQuintoConyo Thu 23-Feb-17 09:46:28

Bloody hell! Did I just read that? shock

DementedChicken Thu 23-Feb-17 09:46:39

She doesn't have family that can help her out either as they don't like her and the way she treats her husbands. Her husbands let her do everything she wants but is never happy. For example lived in 7 houses in 7 years with my DH as she never settled and their marriage ended when he refused to move again - she wanted to live nearer the bloke she married next. She left my DH for her 2nd husband then dumped him for current BF who she met on social media.

Isadora2007 Thu 23-Feb-17 09:46:50

Agree with the previous replies. And I take great objection to you suggesting you "help out with childcare" !?!?!? They are his children so it's called being a parent. Why he wouldn't want want to step in and be a parent when his ex is clearly failing his children is beyond me. Doesn't matter whether the ex is a nun or a stripper. Or obese or anorexic. If she isn't meeting the children's needs then your husband should man up and get them.

HandsomeBoys Thu 23-Feb-17 09:47:07

Think I might quickly boil the kettle on second thoughts.....

pimmsy Thu 23-Feb-17 09:47:35

You count the kids time with you in hours ?
And yes YABU! And condescending. Your post really does make you come across as a mean mean self centered person.
Also, is she going abroad for weekends or working? Seems like she's working to me.

moonchild77 Thu 23-Feb-17 09:48:19

Well done you for being size 6. Dickhead. 😴😴😴

kittybiscuits Thu 23-Feb-17 09:48:54

You sound well jel. Are you gagging to splash yoghurt all over yourself and take some mucky selfies?

HandsomeBoys Thu 23-Feb-17 09:49:31

Your dh is just as bad-arguably worse-for not stepping up and sorting the situation out with his dc.

Why are you counting the hours you have your step dc a week? Surely they're just part of the family.

Feel for the dc

Schwifty Thu 23-Feb-17 09:50:01

Does your willowy self do anything positive to help dsd when she stays, such as healthy food, going for walks, gentle exercise? Or are you busy tut-tutting at her trousers and (go)ogling her mum?

DementedChicken Thu 23-Feb-17 09:51:20

My point was, I'm not jealous. Jeez I thought I was having a conversation about child protection issues because laws in this country are hopeless. No age on leaving them home alone, none on what age a child can babysit another child, none on them sharing a bed. In this country you can do as you please it seems. Would you be happy for your children's photos to be on social media amongst topless photos that any Tom, Dick or pervert is looking at?

Bluntness100 Thu 23-Feb-17 09:52:17

>>My DH never ever takes delight in me opening the door to her in my tight fitting clothes with size 6 waist <<

I can't believe anyone actually wrote that. It sounds to me like you're jealous and rather obsessed with her and in addition competing in your own head. Very strange.

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