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To have reminded woman in shop that I will discipline my own child!

(74 Posts)
tumbletastic Wed 22-Feb-17 13:57:27

So back story, with dh and dc (7) who is disabled and has epilepsy (not medically controlled) profound learning difficulties with autistic traits.

Stood in shopping aisle while dh picks crisps and dc putting different items in trolley. When we go to move on we start putting back items and telling her to choice a couple. She makes 1 shrill scream and before either myself or dh can say anything this woman approaches and says excuse me in a stern voice and face like thunder.

She explains that her mother who was with her has hearing aids in and can't take noise, we explain that dc is disabled and why we cant stop her making sudden and unpredictable noises. Before we can even say any type of apology she starts telling us that we should be discipline our child (because we hadn't told her off in the 5 seconds between her scream and this woman saying anything.)

I got annoyed at this stage and told her she shouldn't go around telling other people how to discipline their children thanked her and walked away.

I hate disability trumps for one thing but what do people expect? Do they want me to leave my child in the car or chained up at home!

JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff Wed 22-Feb-17 14:01:08

Woman was not BU to approach you - and sounds like she was polite as she said 'excuse me'.

But DD was NBU for making noise as obviously she can't help it.

Her disciplining comment was out of order but you could have apologised.

Six of one.......

wishparry Wed 22-Feb-17 14:01:56

that woman needs to learn some manners.don't let it get you down,for every prat out there there are probably 100 people who would have been more understanding.

SEsofty Wed 22-Feb-17 14:02:53

You don't know what was going on in the other ladies life at that point, and the scream from your child may have just been the final straw.

Yes she was probably unreasonable and you handled it well but there is no benefit from dwelling on it.

YouTheCat Wed 22-Feb-17 14:07:18

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MrsBobDylan Wed 22-Feb-17 14:07:21

I know it's hard but just ignore this woman. You and dd were just doing the shopping and what happened is I imagine, something which has happened before and will happen again. You can't hide dd away for fear of her needs conflicting with someone else's.

I really feel for you-I have a ds of the same age who has asd. People have said some shit stuff to him and me over the years. On the bright side, I have also met some really lovely people and I try to remember that they are the majority.

elQuintoConyo Wed 22-Feb-17 14:10:03

old trout nice YouTheCat .

ilovesooty Wed 22-Feb-17 14:11:48

Exactly elQuinto

HarryPottersMagicWand Wed 22-Feb-17 14:12:03

YANBU. I'm sensitive to noise but I accept that I cannot control the noise other people make. What is going on in her life is irrelevant, the world doesn't stop for it.

YouTheCat Wed 22-Feb-17 14:12:23

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GeillisTheWitch Wed 22-Feb-17 14:13:10

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ClemDanfango Wed 22-Feb-17 14:16:37

Woman was not BU to approach you - and sounds like she was polite as she said 'excuse me'.

Yes she was BU as she didn't even give OP a chance to try and sort it before she stuck her judgemental nose in.

ClemDanfango Wed 22-Feb-17 14:17:07

Which is bloody rude regardless of saying excuse me.

JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff Wed 22-Feb-17 14:18:14

OP I think it probably doesn't help you to feel rage against this woman. It might help to think that just as you are very protective of your disabled DD - rightly so - this woman is probably very protective of her disabled, frail mum.

The way she behaved wasn't great, but I think you should just let it go.

SapphireStrange Wed 22-Feb-17 14:19:14

She could have given it a minute before coming over. And it's not that polite to have a face like thunder, even if you accompany it with an 'excuse me'.

Sounds to me like she couldn't wait to be offended. YANBU.

BaconMaker Wed 22-Feb-17 14:27:37

YANBU. There are always going to be unexpected loud noises when out and about (sirens, babies screaming etc.). She has no idea about your DC's disability or capabilities and should stay out of it.

Wantagoodname Wed 22-Feb-17 14:30:05

Some people are ignorant, it's a pain but id try to just forget about her.

GwenStaceyRocks Wed 22-Feb-17 14:30:47

You were defending your child. She was trying to make life slightly easier for her disabled mother. I can see why it frustrated you but I can also see why it felt important to the woman to approach you. I'd put it down to everyone being stressed by the different demands on them.

ilovesooty Wed 22-Feb-17 14:33:59

I would suggest that it is perfectly understandable to describe her behaviour as rude and understandable that her intervention was unwanted and upsetting. However her intrusive behaviour can be acknowledged without using ageist language.

creampinkrose Wed 22-Feb-17 14:37:10

Horrible behaviour from her. I hope this thread doesn't start getting unpleasant now, though.

RockyBird Wed 22-Feb-17 14:37:38

My gran has a hearing aid and simply takes it out if the environment around her is too noisy.

What does that woman do when a fire engine goes by with sirens blaring?

Majorgoodwinschickenbeatstrump Wed 22-Feb-17 14:41:11

Please just forget about it. I don't understand the motive of why people post these things on AIBU, you are clearly in the right and I assume you know that. Do you want reassurance from others saying this or is it to gain a load of comments on a free for all on the woman? She was out of order but just remember if she acts that way then she probably has a pretty rotten life.

HandsomeBoys Wed 22-Feb-17 14:43:31

People are weird op.

One woman asked me if my son was "going to get a good hiding" when we got home as he had a meltdown in Asda.

flowers for you.

Forget about it

Henrysmycat Wed 22-Feb-17 14:45:32

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Wantagoodname Wed 22-Feb-17 14:45:59

I was once told by a man that if dd was his child she'd have been taken home and been given a good leathering! This was only last year!

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