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To feel lonely unless I live near family

(10 Posts)
user1487622990 Wed 22-Feb-17 09:19:13

It doesn't matter how many friends I have. I feel incredibly lonely unless I live near family. By near I mean near enough to visit and come back in one day so for me about a one hour train journey.

I've tried to settle in various parts of the country but as a single mum with a young child, I've always been miserable anywhere without he support of my family.

I have only a small few relatives. I have a brother, his wife and their children and my parents. That's it. But being able to pop round to see my brother and my parents is the difference between feeling completely satisfied with my level of company, and feeling completely isolated.

I moved from my hometown at 18 and felt very lonely even when in a relationship. I've always been on a quest to make that loneliness better but nothing ever worked.

I know I'm almost 30, but I've realised I need my parents nearby to be happy. I couldn't live with them full time but I need to be able to have them coming round to mine and me visit them regularly.

I feel a bit daft about this and like it's a bit pathetic but its just the way I am.


Foureyesarebetterthantwo Wed 22-Feb-17 09:22:06

Why do you feel bad about this? Can you live nearish to them?

I think knowing yourself is a key component to a happy life. I know I am also quite a stay at home, stick in the mud person. I try to find ways I can enjoy being like that and my husband who is more adventurous can travel and do things he enjoys too.

I don't see anything weird about wanting to have family support, especially when you are a single mum, but even if you just like your family, that's fine too, unless it's stopping you doing something else in your life.

TheElephantofSurprise Wed 22-Feb-17 09:23:15

Seems fine to me.

5moreminutes Wed 22-Feb-17 09:24:19

YANBU if that's how you feel. Other people ANBU not to feel the same.

Why does it matter? Are there no jobs in their home town? Is your AIBU really more about not being willing to move to where there is work, or about your DC's father not wanting you to move back to your hometown because he won't be able to see the DC midweek?

If there are no work or contact issues you can live near your family if you want, why would that BU? Why would anyone care?

user1487622990 Wed 22-Feb-17 09:27:20

I've got a job that means I can finally move nearer family. I'm delighted. I don't want to be right next door as I do need my independence but near enough to visit regularly is very important to me.

I wondered if this was utterly bizarre.

Coulibri Wed 22-Feb-17 09:28:14

Yes, why is it a problem? You seem rather unhappy with it. Are you finding it restrictive in terms of jobs or relationships or places you would want to live if seeing your family weren't such a priority for you?

ThatsPlenty Wed 22-Feb-17 09:30:01

YANBU, totally understandable.

Coulibri Wed 22-Feb-17 09:30:06

X-post. Well, it would be bizarre for me, as I haven't lived in the same country as my parents or any of my siblings since I turned 20 and I'm mid-40s now - I've moved around the world a fair bit and may well do it again, despite being very fond of my parents -- but it's your normal, and you've found a job which will allow you to see your family as much as you like, so what's not to love?

user1487622990 Wed 22-Feb-17 09:30:58

There's no problem at all.

Just wanted opinions on it. :-)

Foureyesarebetterthantwo Wed 22-Feb-17 09:35:04

I'm the same, OP, especially since having children, I love that we can visit easily and they can do the same and that we are all in each other's lives a lot. Others might find that claustrophobic or want to prioritise career moves. Neither is right or wrong, and you and are pretty lucky you have been able to have that choice.

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