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Some people just don't understand.

(9 Posts)
Givemeallthechocolate Tue 21-Feb-17 15:39:49

2nd AIBU of the day!!

I have a strained relationship with my dad, mostly because he sees things in such a simplistic view, so he will forever and always tell me how I SHOULD be doing things. He always puts me down in certain ways.

In my mind it just annoys me because he's full of "you should" kind of comments, but there's lots he hasn't done correctly. He's never helped me, and he wasn't around for my whole childhood and didn't pay anything towards my childhood.

He hates my mother (so do i-long story) but he's all for saying how she didn't do things properly.

It's always the small things that really bug me, like yesterday, I really called him for a bit of support, I've moved (3 1/2 months ago) I haven't been able to change drs surgeries.

I tell him DD has another throats infection so we're on the way to the drs.

Where I live is a nice new build estate, the five nearest gp surgeries are not taking on new patients, so I have to go to where we used to live which is an hour away.

He starts going on about it. I tell him well I have to take her to the drs, old dr is great. And I need to see if he can refer for her tonsils out (4th set of antibiotics since December)

So he starts going on about the school kicking up a fuss and how they will. She has so much time off of school. She does but I think when my child is in the state she has been she needs to be off. I don't always keep her off school but if she's got a fever and she's crying and not eating or sleeping properly I can't send her in.

So I make my excuses and get off the phone.

I then text him to say that the Dr has said DD needs to have tonsils out, she's got a v bad case of tonsilitis.

He texts back telling me I have to get a drs in the area. Try his. Ring them in the morning. It's because it's taken me so long to get her to Drs.
She was only symptomatic from the day before.

There's a lot of things like this,
When I needed to move but couldn't save the money- Just fucking get out of there he tells me. Not that easy if you are paying your rent plus trying to save plus moving costs.

Having issues with one of my clients being a bit needy- just quit. Fuck it off. Not worth the money...... he lives in this world where I can just give up my only remaining client after my move and chuck away £600 a month.

It always seems so easy for him. He's always of the belief that things are that simple.

I keep quiet, but I'm growing fed up of him constantly knowing the right and the best things to do, despite him not ever facing any of the same challenges.

Please someone tell me how to deal with this,

I've gotten to a point where I feel like he hates every decision that I make and ultimately hates me because I am my mothers child. Just when it seems to get better, he gets like this.

Astro55 Tue 21-Feb-17 15:44:58

There are so many people that just 'miss the point' it's frustrating

DD is ill - just letting him know - but he harpsbon about moving practices - I'd ignore and just not tell him these things

miserableandinpain Tue 21-Feb-17 16:55:05

Sounds like my grand parents flowers jjst give him need to know information

MatildaTheCat Tue 21-Feb-17 17:06:39

You are calling him for a bit of support but he's actually providing you with more stress.

Sorry if this is too simplistic and obvious but after your whole life of him being useless why would he change now? Please,please stop doing this to yourself. He's no support at all. Is there anyone else at all? If not and you need to just tell someone, I suggest you post here instead.

If you stop calling him perhaps he will come to you and you can tell him how you feel but sadly I doubt he will change.

I hope your dd is better soon. Have you contacted your local CCG (? Right name) to find a local GP to take you? Am hour away is unacceptable.

redexpat Tue 21-Feb-17 18:37:37

1. Dont tell him any details of your life.
2. Dont rely on him for support.

I know you said you just moved but is there anyone who can give you the support you need?

TheMysteriousJackelope Tue 21-Feb-17 18:41:38

As others suggested, be selective on what you tell your father.

He may genuinely intend to be supporting, but his support isn't helping, it's just making you more stressed. There isn't much you can do to change his view of the world. To be able to see things in shades of grey instead of black and white takes experience and if he hasn't had enough experience by now, I doubt he is going to change.

Zaphodsotherhead Tue 21-Feb-17 18:46:33

My OH is like this... bad day at work? 'Tell them to fuck off'. Yes, because in no way do I need the money...

It's because he panics and thinks that, when I am telling him about a problem I want him to 'fix' it and he literally has no idea of how to do that. So he answers with what is uppermost in his mind at the time. It's stupid, it's pointless and it often makes me feel shit (yes, maybe I should change my job, but right now it's all I've got). I call him on it now, and told him I understood why he was doing it but really I just wanted him to listen to, not 'solve' my problem. Your dad might take this on board....or maybe not.

notabee Tue 21-Feb-17 19:22:22

flowers I do sympathise.
I used to have a similar relationship with my parents. They're your parents and everyone tells you how much you need them or at least about their parents!
I made the decision quite a while ago to minimise contact. I'll be polite and civil but that's it. i don't expect anything therefore there's no disappointment.
Good advice about phoning the CCG, it's totally unacceptable to have to travel for an hour to see a GP when you have others close by.
Do your have friends you can see for some real life support too? It's sounds quite tough for you right now.
I do hope your dd feels better soon and that she doesn't have to wait for too long to have her tonsils out.

georgethecat Tue 21-Feb-17 20:27:02

Try the relationships board

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