AIBU to be concerned about my neighbour's behaviour?

[LemonadeAndSchnapps]

This is going to be a long one! Sorry guys!

I've recently bought my first house with my husband and baby DD, and I've had problems with my neighbour from the start. At first we tried to be very neighbourly with our neighbours next door but they have started to try and become very involved in our lives. They constantly have opinions about how we live our lives and are very open about their opinions which are very judgemental.

The first indecent occurred when i was driving my DD over to my DM's before I went to work. The wife came over to me and informed me that babies "shouldn't be taken out in this weather". When I told her I had to get to work she told me "people like you don't have jobs". Not sure what this means! My DH and I both work full time and obviously won't be leaving our one year old at home while we are gone. DD was in a very comfy snow suit and so wasn't cold at all, and it was around 8 o'clock so she had already been awake for an hour at least!

She and her husband are constantly curtain twitching when we come home or have visitor and I can often hear them shouting things like "She has the baby this time" and "Now she has dogs with her" when I am going into my house!

Today I was just sat on my sofa playing with my daughter when her face appears pressed against my window! I waved at her but She didn't seem to notice me, so I opened the door and asked what she was doing. She told me she wanted to know who was in the house. When I said it was just me she started asking if my DH was home, when he was going to be home, who would be looking after DD, etc. At this point I made my excuses and closed the door.

AIBU to be concerned by their behaviour? I'm quite young and find this couple quite intimidating; we are both quite young and this couple are in their 40's - 50's with adult children. We bought this house so we didn't have to deal with landlords being so involved with our lives, and now we have a neighbour doing the same thing. We obviously don't want to alienate them as we live in a terrace house and think it might cause problems further down the line, but this couple seem to be watching our every move. So, mumsnet, what do you think we should do?

[Barbie222]

Yes I would find that intimidating. I would probably be spelling out to her that she's not allowed on my property any more and just treating her as a NC neighbour from now on. Have you any other neighbours who you can have a quiet conversation with about her? I think the police may be able to advise too.

[PamplemousseRouge]

Hi OP :) sorry if you've already tried this, but do you think avoiding them or not engaging with them might work? I'm sure it's much easier said than done, though!

Have you spoken to your DH or other family members and friends about this?

[SundialShadow]

Sorry OP, I would be bursting a gut to alienate them. They sound obsessed and weird.

Maybe yell "oh-oh here's the weirdo again" or "here's the curtain twitcher" when you see one or both of them approaching.

[JustSpeakSense]

I'd be tempted to play some tricks on them and confuse and frustrate them.

I haven't got any good ideas, but I'm sure someone with a wicked sense of humour will come along and give you some ideas.

[Pinotwoman82]

My neighbors are very much like this, they know what I'm doing every minute of the day, it drives me mad they are obsessed with us

[DJBaggySmalls]

When she is in your face say 'No, dont do that, its not appropriate'. Repeat as many times as you need to.

[wantoscreamatwashingpile]

That sounds really frightening to me! I'd be contacting the police and keeping a log, they seem far too involved in your lives

[Inarightpickleandchutney]

That's harassment surely??
I'd be keeping a diary of events,
Perhaps record on your phone if you answer the door?

[madcatwoman61]

Perhaps you should discuss their behaviour really loudly with your DH!

[BitOutOfPractice]

How rude and bloody annoying. Makes you feel edgy I bet.

I think I might answer with "why do you ask that?" when they ask you another intrusive question

[mummymeister]

OP, please start a diary of what is happening. don't wait until 6 months down the line when you are at the end of your tether because the first thing anyone is going to do if it needs dealing with more firmly is ask if you have noted down these events.

you need date, time, what was said/happened and where in as much detail as possible.

you need to be very firm with them now that this is not acceptable. it is hard to do when all you want to be is pleasant but you have to do it.

if you see them looking in your window again, go outside and say "oh I thought we had a peeping tom, I have called the PCSO to report"

or if at the car and they comment on your parenting be clear "this is not an acceptable thing for you to say. please stop it, now"

we tend to be too polite with people who act like this so they go on doing because they aren't stopped.

[JessieMcJessie]

Worth having a chat to the people on the other side of them, or across the road maybe? Just to find out if they are generally mad or just acting this way with you.

They are stepping way over any line of neighbourly behaviour- the looking in your window type stuff would be reportablebto thenolice as harassment I think if they keep doing it. Keep a note of what they do and when.

[JessieMcJessie]

"Reportable to the police"

[StillStayingClassySanDiego]

I'd be contacting the police and keeping a log

What of? , nosey neighbour peered through neighbour's window?

Hardly worth bothering Police with at the moment so I'd keep conversation to a minimum, get blinds up at the window if you haven't already and do your best to remain civil but very distant, don't answer her questions if she tries to engage you, just say 'must get on' and shut your door.

[CoraPirbright]

How about saying to her "you are really beginning to frighten me now" with a very worried look on your face. When she looks surprised and asks why then tell her that you feel that they are always watching you and you don't appreciate it.

If she presses her face up against the window again, I would make a Big Show, shrieking, shouting that you are calling the police and come roaring out of your front door with frying pan aloft prepared to defend yourself. Then stop looking totally shocked and astonished to see its her and say "thank goodness its only you - I thought we had an intruder or peeping tom. Better just go and call the police as I pressed the panic button". Should get the message across that its not normal behaviour.

[HepKestrel]

I'd be tempted to put scary manikin or cutout in side the window to stare back at them ......

either that or remote sprinklers .....

[TheEdgeofSeventeen]

To me if anyone asked me those questions - where is your husband, what time is he home, are you going out etc.... i'd think they were planning to rob me.

[YouTheCat]

The next time nosey cow puts her face up against your window, go out with a cloth and ask her to clean it. Then tell her if she does it again you'll have the police round. You're entitled to quiet enjoyment of your home.

Make a note of incidents. You can't really stop people commenting on your life but you don't have to respond.

[ExitPursuedBySpartacus]

They sound like really hard work.

[SundialShadow]

Blow this image up and place it in your window to greet them every time they gawp over at you....

[SanitysSake]

I'd tell them straight. Knock this shit on the head and quick. Tell them you want to be neighbourly but you're finding their commentary and actions exceptionally intrusive - and on occasion scary. Deliver the message to both of them. Ideally with your partner in attendance. Summarise the points, say you want to have good relations but tell them they're overstepping their boundaries and would they mind backing off a bit. Make a record of the conversation and all their weirdo behaviours. Any more of it and I'd be reporting it to the police.

I'm an anti-social bugger, so if it were me, I'd be happier breaking all ties and the possibility of 'neighbourly relations' than having to live my life under a microscope. Bugger that!

Be strong Obi Wan! :)

[TupperwareTat]

Everytime she asks a question, I would answer with - Why?

[Seeline]

Try knocking on their door everytime you go out/come home
"Just to let you know I am going to the supermarket/church/GPs/witchcraft course - Dh has the baby"
" Just to save you the bother baby and I are back now - we really enjoyed our pole dancing class/devil worship session"
"Thought I'd let you know the baby has her vest/hat/sunscreen on today so all is absolutely fine"

[TheNiffler]

I have a life sized skeleton you could borrow - sit it in your chair, with a littlecswaddled pretend baby, move it round the house, put a hat on it and put it waving out of the window.

Or holding up a sign saying "Feck off you nosy bint".

[JFT96]

She wanted to know who was in your house??? WTF