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To be so stressed by this situation

(53 Posts)
dontpushmybuttons Tue 21-Feb-17 09:23:25

Nearly 6 months ago my sister moved into my two bed apartment with me, and it started off well but then started to go downhill. Initially for the first couple of months I was doing everything - cleaning, tidying, cooking etc. She'd put on a wash but leave the clothes in the machine for days on end so they'd smell, leave her clothes in huge piles everywhere, so I'd end up putting them away - little irritants like that.

We agreed that she would pay £550 plus half of the quarterly gas and electric bill.

The problems started when she started taking my things (mainly shoes and clothes) without asking. I asked her a couple of times to please not do it and would either be met with "Fine OK, I won't do it again", or depending on her mood she would completely go OTT and start telling me to not be a bitch/so uptight etc. and that if I just let her do it, we wouldn't have to argue.

This went on for a few months and in between me paying more than her, me buying all the food shopping, me working two jobs, and her constantly having dramas I snapped and told her that her behaviour was really pissing me off, I was stressed and fed up and that if she's not just capable of respecting one thing I ask of her (not taking my things), I want her out.

She got really difficult and told me she wouldn't be moving out, she'd go when it suited her, and that if this was the way I was going to be, she would make my life as difficult as "I was making hers".

After that things settled down a bit, until she started wearing my things again. Between this other things happened - constant little dramas that aren't huge but the type of thing I just don't want to be living with every day. E.g. Her getting PG for the third time after not using contraception, again. She ended up in hospital with a MC for three days and I was the one who was there with her, stayed at the hospital until the small hours and then had to go to work on two hours sleep. At that time she didn't tell me she was PG, she told me she was in hospital because she had caught an STI. Other little things like her claiming she can't afford to buy us any food shopping but constantly getting taxis and going to the pub, going clothes shopping etc. are getting me down and starting to make me feel like she's just taking the piss.

She's paid rent late a couple of times and also took it upon herself to give me £50 less than what we agreed one month. When I asked her why she said because she doesn't feel she's getting a fair deal and that she knows I "don't need the money".

Another time she lost her purse while out on the piss so couldn't pay me.

I'm just feeling so fed up with the situation.

We had another talk and I told her that I'm not happy with the arrangement anymore and that because I'd like her to leave ASAP, she doesn't have to pay me rent while she looks for another place. It's been a month since then and she's still going to the pub and I also found a receipt for £98 from her clothes shop, so she's obviously now taking advantage of the fact that she's now got a place to live for free.

AIB utterly OTT here or would I be within my rights to tell her that she's got 4 weeks to move out or I'm just going to bag up her stuff and leave it outside? I'm so stressed ATM and just not happy at all.

needalittleL Tue 21-Feb-17 09:32:28

Yeah you are totally within your rights! Write her a letter so it's in print. Then if she doesn't leave call the police. She's taking the piss.

Reow Tue 21-Feb-17 09:33:30

Fuck that.

If she wont leave tell her you will have no option but to have the police remove her, sister or not.

Reow Tue 21-Feb-17 09:33:45

And change the locks

Fig678 Tue 21-Feb-17 09:35:38

Completely reasonable and as above, put it in writing (with dates)

BurningBridges Tue 21-Feb-17 09:35:59

You already told her once she had 4 weeks to leave, now tell her she has to be out by the end of the month, change the locks etc. Can she go back to your parents?

LagunaBubbles Tue 21-Feb-17 09:38:32

Shes not going to change. Give her a date and if she doesnt go (which I suspect she wont) change the locks.

Stormwhale Tue 21-Feb-17 09:42:24

I would absolutely give a set time frame and then change the locks with her stuff outside. She is walking all over you.

girlelephant Tue 21-Feb-17 09:49:39

That's sounds awful & she is showing you no respect.

If you've already given her 4 week's notice remind her of the deadline & explain you will.not be changing your mind.

A locksmith as said by a PP is a great idea

RaptorInaPorkPieHat Tue 21-Feb-17 09:57:45

Give her 7 days and then change the locks.

She is not going to leave willingly (especially now it's rent free!).

hellsbellsmelons Tue 21-Feb-17 10:02:54

Why on earth would you tell her she doesn't have to pay.
While she is staying, she pays.
Get that put back in place immediately.
Of course she won't go if she can take the piss out of you.

Agree, 7 days then change the locks, pack her things her up and put them outside for her to collect.
Job done!!!

BigSandyBalls2015 Tue 21-Feb-17 10:03:46

Wow she sounds awful, sister or no sister she's needs to go.
Has she always been like this?

WateryTart Tue 21-Feb-17 10:04:00

Yup lock change in a week.

RebootYourEngine Tue 21-Feb-17 10:07:02

I would tell het she has until the end of the day to get out or you will phone the police to remove her. Then i would change the locks. If you are at home make sure your belongings are safe.

StillStayingClassySanDiego Tue 21-Feb-17 10:08:34

I wouldn't call the police on her yet but I would be looking into bagging up her stuff and dumping it outside the flat.

is the place yours or are you renting, can you change the locks just like that?

xStefx Tue 21-Feb-17 10:09:57

Make her pay the rent to you (that you were going to let her off) and save it up for a deposit for her, that way she will be out sooner.

dontpushmybuttons Tue 21-Feb-17 10:11:19

Thank you for the replies so far.

I'm finding this so stressful because I hate confrontation with her - she's really hard to talk to about issues. She either refuses to talk or kicks off.

She's not a bad person and she's always been a good sister to me but she's always been irresponsible and has always relied on others.

Parents live abroad so unfortunately that's not an option sad

I dread bringing this subject up with her because each time it ends in tears and with me feeling guilty. I'm just fed up of being the one who the shit lands on.

NoSquirrels Tue 21-Feb-17 10:12:17

How old is she? And where are your parents/how is the relationship? i.e. can she move back home, or wherever she came from when she moved in, and is there someone who can help speak to her for you?

She is behaving appallingly, and I suspect like PPs that she won't go voluntarily on your deadline, so you will have to do something. But I would find it almost impossible to change the locks on a family member - it is the nuclear option. So I'd be trying to draft in support from elsewhere...

dontpushmybuttons Tue 21-Feb-17 10:12:34

Re. the reason why I told her she didn't have to pay me rent - she's shit with money and always has been, and I knew that there would be no way in hell she'd be able to pay me AND save in anything less than about 6 months.

NoSquirrels Tue 21-Feb-17 10:13:51

Cross-post about your parents being abroad. So where was your sister living before? She sounds really immature.

Can they at least read her the riot act on your behalf, or are they unsupportive of you in general?

newventurermum Tue 21-Feb-17 10:15:09

I'm so angry reading all that!!

She's taking massive advantage of you! Don't let her do that to you anymore, please!!!

Kick her out, no matter how hard it'll be, how hard you cry, she needs to go through it to GROW.

She won't leave until you literally put her out, so do it. You're teaching her an important lesson and teaching her to take responsibility for herself and her life, so don't feel guilty, just do it.

flowers for you!!!

DJBaggySmalls Tue 21-Feb-17 10:16:12

''She's not a bad person''...well she's not a good person, and she doesn't act like she loves or respects you.


BeIIatrixLeStrange Tue 21-Feb-17 10:17:54

I think you need to get her out asap, for your own mental health.

She IS taking the piss and you know it, but its heartbreaking as it would be idea sharing with your sister but you two just don't have that kind of relationship

I am certain it would end the same if I had to live with my sister

purplecollar Tue 21-Feb-17 10:20:21

I couldn't live with either of my sisters, much as I like them. The boundaries are different than those with a friend or flatmate.

She needs to grow up and it's probably time. I think I would find her a place to go to appease my guilt.

But yes she's taking advantage of you massively and with anybody else would have been out on her ear a long time ago.

hellsbellsmelons Tue 21-Feb-17 10:21:11

Make sure she keeps paying you and put that money aside for her.
She won't save on her own to get out so you do it for her.
I know it's a hassle and don't tell her that's what you are doing.

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