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"We thought we'd pop in!"

(233 Posts)
ArsenalsPlayingAtHome Tue 21-Feb-17 06:45:55

Last night my parents "popped in". I'd been in from work for about 20 minutes, during which time I'd said a brief "hello" to DH & children, and immediately started ploughing through the laundry. Had plans to change the sheets on our bed, and give the bathroom a quick clean before starting to cook the tea.

I'm exhausted by the time the DCs are going to bed, and wanted to get as much as done as possible while they were happily spending time on their tablets, so that after tea I could spend a bit of time with them without being knackered and irritable.

I work FT, have very little time to do anything between getting in from work and sorting the kids out at bedtime. Our children have various hobbies, one of which means that either myself of DH are out with at least 1 DC for at least an hour and a half every evening.

Now, I'm not moaning about how busy we are, but AIBU to be pissed off that, knowing how busy we are, my parents decide to "pop in" with not so much as a phone call to see if it's convenient, or if another day might be more/slightly less inconvenient?

My parents aren't fun people to be around, They sit there with miserable faces saying either nothing, or repeating what they've just asked.

PS - This isn't a thread about how DH needs to do more - he does his fair share.

AIBU to be pissed off, and would it BU to ask them not to pop in without ringing?

Getting ready for work now, but will read any responses as soon as I can this evening.
Thanks.

isthistoonosy Tue 21-Feb-17 06:49:36

Do you accomodate them or just carryon with your evening? Id be inclined to do the later and just repet its not a good time but give them a day/time that os good for you all.

user1477282676 Tue 21-Feb-17 06:54:16

YABU. They won't be here forever and they're just being friendly.

My Mum pops into my sister's sometimes...not often...but she gets so hurt when my sister is all short with her and acts like she's a pain.

She knows my sister's busy but she still wants to see her. When your parents are too old to pop in, you'll regret it.

Paninotogo Tue 21-Feb-17 06:54:22

You say that this isn't a thread to discuss how much your dh does, but just what was he doing while you were stripping the beds, doing laundry, cleaning the kitchen and cooking a meal?

SmellySphinx Tue 21-Feb-17 06:55:10

No you aren't being unreasonable! Just umm and ahh from the kitchen as you're doing the washing or washing up, whichever chores you happen to be doing. That's if they don't listen to you after asking to call before dropping by. Sounds as if they will just pop in anyway even if you do

KarmaNoMore Tue 21-Feb-17 06:55:37

I think that it is often difficult for them to see how busy you can get when you both work full time and have an after school activity everyday.

I think that it would suffice with mentioning that you are so busy and tired during the week any social life is only taking place in the weekend. Hopefully they will get the message.

Iris65 Tue 21-Feb-17 06:56:43

I would just carry on as usual and get your chores done. Maybe they just want a change of scenery 😉

omnishamblesssssssssssssss Tue 21-Feb-17 06:57:15

Just carry on as normal. Say 'won't be long, just doing the usual daily chores first'

omnishamblesssssssssssssss Tue 21-Feb-17 06:57:39

I'd ask the kids to entertain them if anything

KoalaDownUnder Tue 21-Feb-17 07:04:22

Can't they just spend time with the kids?

ArsenalsPlayingAtHome Tue 21-Feb-17 07:07:26

Thanks. I really appreciate your POVs. I think I can take something from each of those posts. I will invite them round on the least busy evening.

Paninotogo he was in a meeting.

rollonthesummer Tue 21-Feb-17 07:08:44

That would drive me mad too!

Paninotogo Tue 21-Feb-17 07:09:12

And none of it could wait?

guiltynetter Tue 21-Feb-17 07:11:39

yabu unless they do this very often. they're just bring friendly. id have left them with their grandkids while i carried on changing the sheets then you could have had a brew and a sit down.

NormaSmuff Tue 21-Feb-17 07:12:08

can you tell them to call before they visit, ask them nicely?
do they make a habit of popping in?

popcornpaws Tue 21-Feb-17 07:12:10

YABU, they are your parents, surely they don't need to ring and arrange a visit? but then again, you come across as not liking them anyway.

Also, it does come across as you moaning about how busy you are, for example ploughing through the laundry? putting it in the machine and turning it on is hardly ploughing.
Perhaps your parents want to see the children but don't very often due to them being involved in so many activities ?

LapinR0se Tue 21-Feb-17 07:12:25

I'd ask my mum to help me change the sheets!

NormaSmuff Tue 21-Feb-17 07:12:40

could you ask them to help put the dc to bed?

ArsenalsPlayingAtHome Tue 21-Feb-17 07:16:11

popcornpaws not moaning - just giving context of what was going on, otherwise I thought people would have said "couldn't it have waited?" It's all manageable apart from when people pop in unexpectedly.

Do you work FT, popcornpaws? How do you manage to fit it all in?

Megatherium Tue 21-Feb-17 07:16:40

Would it have hurt to leave the bathroom and sheets for a day?

ArsenalsPlayingAtHome Tue 21-Feb-17 07:17:33

LapinROse NormaSnuff that would go down like a lead balloon! But I appreciate your ideas.

Forgotten how addictive MN is. Got to go now!

Mummyoflittledragon Tue 21-Feb-17 07:17:45

It sounds as if you maybe don't like them very much. I don't know what sort of relationship you have with them. However, would it be possible to let them know not to call unnanounced? Would it help if you had a regular contact date or organise the next time you see them before leaving their company? That way you'd be giving them an anchor and taking control of the situation. It doesn't sound like they're hands on with the grandkids either. What do you want from this relationship?

nanny3 Tue 21-Feb-17 07:23:10

I lost my mum a few years back I wish she could just pop in the house work can wait you wont have your parents for ever

StillStayingClassySanDiego Tue 21-Feb-17 07:24:04

Uninvited visitors on a week night, parents or not, are a pain in the arse.

Do you see them at the weekend OP, were they on the way home from somewhere , are they bored at home?

All the questions grin.

Reow Tue 21-Feb-17 07:29:59

This is my absolute pet hate, regardless of who is at the door.

If I'm not aware beforehand someone is coming and if they have not asked if it's convenient then I wouldn't answer the door to most people.

Bit tough if it's your parents though.

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