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AIBU to want DH to help more?

(14 Posts)
mamababa123 Mon 20-Feb-17 21:03:49

I don't want to come on here and moan about my DH, just have a better idea about what other DH's do. All my mum friends make out their husbands are near enough saints while mine spends a lot of time on his phone / on social media and doesn't really help out with the children or housework. Unless I ask, which I feel I am always doing atm.

Do your DH have a special group they take little ones to or something that is just for them without mummy?

My DD turned 2 in Nov and my DS is 10 months and expecting number 3 in September. Both children are very mum orientated atm too which doesn't help..

SolemnlyFarts Mon 20-Feb-17 21:08:27

Mine does his share, rather than helping out - I'd be massively unimpressed with having to ask for 'help' all the time. Has he always been like that? What did he say when you discussed having DC3?

mamababa123 Mon 20-Feb-17 21:24:52

He did his fair share when our DD was born but recently not so much. It's exhausting.

He is so excited about having DC3 but as I have exclusively BF both DC there is little he has needed to do the first few months. He has promised to help out with housework more and take our DD out but this is yet to happen and I don't want to feel like I am constantly 'nagging' him to do something.

My husband went 4 days a week the same time I did and looked after the children one day a week, the same as me. Because both of us were used to looking after them on our own, we both knew what needed doing. We're neither of us brilliant on the housework front, I think I do slightly more, but we basically have a joint list on Todoist and we sometimes both make the effort to do things on it!

There's plenty he can do other than feeding and what about your older DC? Can't he help with them?

EatTheChocolateTeapot Mon 20-Feb-17 21:33:39

When DD was a newborn, DH would take toddler DS to a playgroup, museum or park everyday of his paternity leave. When he gets home from work he also takes care of the DCs while I have a break. For bed time we do 1 DC each as youngest is still breastfed.
Housechores he does about half of the work without being prompted.

Notso Mon 20-Feb-17 21:36:16

My husband has always been great with taking the kids out, he loves spending time with them. He takes the younger two to football, helps out with scout group with the 12 year old or takes him to work with him at the weekend and takes our eldest shopping and goes running with her.

He wasn't brilliant with housework when our first was small but he was 21 and had come straight from a home where Mum does everything and Dad works and goes to the pub.
Now we have four DC youngest is 4, DH works really long hours but for the time he is here pulls his weight, and I'm pleased to say since retiring FIL does a lot more round the house.

witsender Mon 20-Feb-17 21:36:39

We have a slightly unusual arrangement in that both kids are home educated so we work round each other. So we both have 2 weekdays a week off with them.

We both take responsibility for tidying/cleaning, and obviously for the kids themselves...Dressing, cleaning, feeding etc. I tend to do the food shopping and washing, because I have a routine from having been off with them for 4 yrs. He does the garden, chickens, cars, caravan, DIY, decorating etc...Of which there has been a lot!

Pretty equal I think.

Pitchforktotheface Mon 20-Feb-17 21:38:04

Mine does his share. We take night shifts by turn (just night weaned).

If he's getting lazy, which occasionally he does AWI also let DS whinge/ moan until DH plays/ feeds/ changes him whayever and I only mine DSs washing. I say things like 'whose cooking tonight' 'would you rather do bed time or dinner'.

I don't ask for help, I presume he'll do his share, and use language accordingly.

Pitchforktotheface Mon 20-Feb-17 21:38:49

Too tired, too many typos!

mamababa123 Mon 20-Feb-17 21:43:52

I probably should have said, I am a SAHM so I understand he may not know what needs doing all the time. And feel bad for him if I just throw him in at the deep end on weekends as both DC cry a lot with him.

WIBU to just make plans and go just for a morning and ignore calls that someone is crying or not eating / playing up?

I may start a house chore list, our house is currently upside and I can't motivate myself to get anything done blush

Purplebluebird Mon 20-Feb-17 21:48:31

I'm a SAHM too, and my other half works full time, but in a relaxed job.
I do 100% of the housework, he does nothing of it. However he's great with our son, he gets up in the morning first with him every other day, and does bath night 3-4 evenings a week.
Could you organise something like that, to get your husband involved more?

Yanbu at all.

CaptainHarville Mon 20-Feb-17 21:53:21

OP you need to buy the book wife work. You need to read it and get your DH to read it. Saves a lot of arguments and 'nagging'. I assume your DH can manage to hold down a job without you writing detailed instructions so lists aren't needed. He just needs to undo his conditioning that housework and childcare is something women do.

mamababa123 Mon 20-Feb-17 22:05:14

Thanks everyone. I feel we've fallen into him becoming lazy the norm.

He doesn't really see the children in the week as he leaves at 6am and not back until 8pm.

It's so nice to hear so many Dads are taking on their fair share. I'm going to sit my DH down tomorrow hmm wish me luck...confusedconfused

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