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To have met boyfriends son without their Mum knowing

(27 Posts)
user1487622990 Mon 20-Feb-17 20:45:53

I met a new guy a few weeks ago and he introduced me to his Son and Parents two weeks ago. He had told me about his crazy ex and explained that she had threatened to take his Son away if he met someone else or introduced her Son to anyone. She is from Ireland and he's always said he threatens to take their Son back if he annoys her. He admitted hat she left him.

Anyway his Son is three and after meeting me, he told his mum that he had met (insert my name). She questioned who this person was and my ex denied all knowledge. Then his Mum felt she had a right to know so told her.

She rang my boyfriend saying she felt it was absolutely disgusting that he had introduced their Son to someone he barely knew and without her knowledge but left it at that. No threats to take him away.

ive seen pics of her in his wallet and she's beautiful. She left him and came out as a lesbian shortly after so definitely doesn't want him back! She is more educated than him and his Mum said she only got with him to have a child but I don't know if it's true. Everyone used to say she was it of his league and I think he feels humiliated that she is now openly lesbian.

Anyway, I'm rambling but I was under the impression she was a crazy, bitter, ugly ex with jealousy issues.

She turned out to be beautiful, mature, empathetic and not remotely interested in him. So I feel misled and probably wouldn't have met his Son without her agreement had I known the reality.

But his ex is refusing to meet me now as she feels by meeting my boyfriends Son secretly, I am not a decent person and so she does not wish to see me.

I'm new to dating single dads (I have three children myself but I only recently left their dad) so don't know the etiquette. I certainly didn't me to offend.

Was I unreasonable to have met her child without her permission?

user1487622990 Mon 20-Feb-17 20:46:16

His not their*

PigletWasPoohsFriend Mon 20-Feb-17 20:48:48

His ex can not dictate what he does with his DC in his time.

anyname123 Mon 20-Feb-17 20:49:48

You were unreasonable, you've only been seeing him a few weeks!
And when a man describes his ex as crazy / jealous / etc it's usually a HUGE red flag.

HecateAntaia Mon 20-Feb-17 20:50:19

it really is between them. he made the decision. he is at fault. he is the father. she is the mother. they should have this stuff worked out between them. dont fall into the trap of thinking that because youre the woman its on you to work this stuff out. its not.

oh if i had a quid for every bloke with a Crazy Ex i'd be typing this from my mansion on my private island.

JenniferYellowHat1980 Mon 20-Feb-17 20:51:24

It isn't up to his ex to decide if and when he can introduce their son to a new DP but why on earth would it be ok for you to meet the child of an ugly mother hmm but not that if a beautiful one? Sounds pretty illogical and shallow.

needsahalo Mon 20-Feb-17 20:51:29

You are meeting children after a few weeks? You need to think about that. Seriously.

user1487622990 Mon 20-Feb-17 20:53:09

I only Mentioned her looks because the way he went on you would think she was hideous and jealous of him being with anyone else.

Yeah it was early to meet but we're both very interested in each other.

Graphista Mon 20-Feb-17 20:54:07

Yes ywbu has he met your kids? How would your ex feel if he did?

"Anyway, I'm rambling but I was under the impression she was a crazy, bitter, ugly ex with jealousy issues." An impression you got from one person you barely know, who was likely to have a biased view.

I agree the way HE has handled all this is appalling, I'd dump!

You know he has already lied to you about something pretty damn important - the character and nature of the woman he chose to have a child with - is that not a big, red flag, as other posters have said?

needsahalo Mon 20-Feb-17 20:56:13

You're very interested in each other? What has that got to do with the children? You sound about 12.

Crunchymum Mon 20-Feb-17 20:56:30

He has pics of his ex in his wallet. Are you on glue OP?

paxillin Mon 20-Feb-17 20:58:13

A man describing the ex as crazy this early in a relationship is a major knob alarm.

HermioneJeanGranger Mon 20-Feb-17 20:58:13

Why does every boyfriend on here seem to have a crazy ex who blocks him from seeing his kid? hmm

Yes, YABU. Not because she didn't know about it, but because you barely know this guy. Why is he introducing you to his kids after a few weeks? How many other girls has he introduced after such a small amount of time?

Red flags all over the place - unresolved relationship issues (why does he have her picture in his wallet), he introduces girlfriends after barely a few weeks, and he calls his ex a psycho, and apparently ugly and jealous too.

Run. Run far and run fast. He's not worth it.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler Mon 20-Feb-17 20:59:16

Yes, YABVU to be meeting DP's son so very early on in your relationship & without his DM's knowledge.

Your DP, as an equal parent, doesn't have to ask for permission as such - but he sure as hell shouldn't be going against his ex's express wishes with regard to their son.

It would be different if you were much further into your own relationship and, after repeated discussion, she was still saying no without good reason. But that's not the case here is it?

HecateAntaia Mon 20-Feb-17 20:59:29

yeah. it's not hard to work out is it? carries pics of her around, bitter, didnt want her to know he was seeing someone....
screams unfinished business on his side.

PigletWasPoohsFriend Mon 20-Feb-17 21:02:12

but he sure as hell shouldn't be going against his ex's express wishes with regard to their son.

Yes it's too early for them to meet, however the ex can't dictate what the DF does. She can ask, however he is within his rights to ignore.

TalkingofMichaelAngel0 Mon 20-Feb-17 21:02:16

Pay close attention to how he treats his ex. Red flag.
The relationship is being rushed. Red flag.

AllTheLight Mon 20-Feb-17 21:03:22

Your boyfriend isn't coming out of this well, OP. He's lied to you (about his ex being crazy), he's lied to her (denying all knowledge of you when asked) and he let his son meet his (very) new girlfriend without his mum's blessing (which isn't essential, but is respectful IMO). I'd think carefully about whether you want him in you and your DC's life.

harderandharder2breathe Mon 20-Feb-17 21:16:12

"Crazy ex" is a big red flag. For every genuinely nasty vindictive ex there are a thousand normal women doing their best for their kids.

I think yabu for meeting his son so early in a relationship. Well your boyfriend is BU for introducing you. Don't involve children until a relationship is serious. It's not about needing her permission, it's about being a responsible adult.

Your boyfriend is a twat for lying about his ex to you and I would wonder what else he was lying about.!

AbernathysFringe Mon 20-Feb-17 21:16:59

'she is more educated than him.' Yep and the rest. He sounds like a plonker.

JoJoSM2 Mon 20-Feb-17 21:21:49

She does sound pretty crazy to me. However, I would never ever go out with a guy who has his ex's photo in his wallet. And yes, he did handle the situation poorly.

Chloe84 Mon 20-Feb-17 21:22:29

How can you be interested in a man who describes the mother of his child as ugly?

You shouldn't have met his son so early on. YABU.

Why di you want to meet his ex? You seem to have got over-invested very soon.

Starlight2345 Mon 20-Feb-17 21:23:27

Has he met your kids?

This relationship is full of deceit already.

I would be very unhappy if my child met ex's partner of a couple of weeks..

PurpleMinionMummy Mon 20-Feb-17 21:26:25

You were unreasonable to meet a partners child after only seeing each other a few wks. I feel her permission is rather irrelevant.

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