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In-laws and an ex-gf

(52 Posts)
blotty35474 Mon 20-Feb-17 16:15:55

My DP, baby daddy, has an ex gf. nothing wrong with that you think. i quite agree. can't be helped, he'd probably be shit at sex otherwise.

they were together for about ~2 years, did live together, split up 2-3 years ago. i believe she wanted a baby and he didn't (heard from him so ¯\(ツ)/¯) but it wasn't a ~major~ showdown at the time, I don't think, it just wasn't right.. she and he don't have any ongoing contact and haven't since they split up.

anyway, that was quite some time ago. i couldn't give a monkeys and do not feel threatened by her in the slightest.

his family and she however, are fuckin' all over each other. on facebook and just last week MIL went for a day out with her in [town where she lives] which is quite a way away. they also often discuss her amongst themselves whilst we are having family meals e.g "lol must tell [long forgotten ex]". they (mainly she tbf) post all these ~throwback pics with but everyone's liking and whatever else FB people do. my bf has apparently expressed irritation at this but they don't seem to care what he thinks.

look, it's none of my business, aware, I just think it's a bit disloyal. my family LOVED my ex bf and vice versa, but when split up, we all peacefully parted ways.

they are what they are, and we have quite different views on a lot of things... i'll probably never be compliant enough to get the full integration but i'll keep freedom of thought thanks.

I rarely use my fb but nonetheless all this reminiscing of the good old days is steaming my clams... would I be unreasonable if I quietly defriended the lot of them, so I wasn't tempted to get myself all blustery about how confusing I find their family loyalties? it wouldn't go unnoticed but i would rather not waste my energy on getting all hmmabout them when they are essentially practically another species to me and my family.

Grilledaubergines Mon 20-Feb-17 16:19:37

What's a 'baby daddy'. Your child's father?

ILoveAGoodBrusselSprout Mon 20-Feb-17 16:22:53

YA Def NBU. I don't have any advice on how to handle their behaviour, but, I would worry that you'd alienate yourself from them even more by unfriending them. Why not unfollow? They won't know and you won't see their posts, unless you actively look at their page

blotty35474 Mon 20-Feb-17 16:26:26

I have unfollowed but I'm a terrible glutton for punishment and can't reliably not hmmhmmhmm at them sometimes. i kind of want to know even though it's not helpful for me? it's probably some kind of self abuse. makes me feel bad/irritated, does it anyway.

user1471517057 Mon 20-Feb-17 16:26:31

Hide their facebook feeds. Means no 'unfriending' drama but you don't have to encounter it every time you look at FB.
Problem solved and avoids bad feeling all round.

BonnyScotland Mon 20-Feb-17 16:26:38

don't react... she will love this

blotty35474 Mon 20-Feb-17 16:28:11

bonny TRUE. if she's paying that much attention anyway hmm

blotty35474 Mon 20-Feb-17 16:30:13

meanwhile the ILs are trying to maximum butter me up so they get their hands on my baby as quickly and as much as possible. snakey.

KellyBoo800 Mon 20-Feb-17 16:31:17

YABU. None of your business who anyone in his family chooses to spend their time with.

My MIL had coffee with DH's ex last week because they bumped into each other. She's certainly not someone I would choose to spend my time with but not my problem and I think it was nice of my MIL. Shows she's a decent person.

I go for a coffee a couple of times a year with my brothers ex, who he was with for 5 years as a teen and broke up with 8 years ago. His current girlfriend (who has become one of my best friends) has no issue with that. If her and my brother break up (likely!) then I will still stay in touch with her.

Your post reads like you are trying to cover up being incredibly jealous. They're not together anymore. Move on!

blotty35474 Mon 20-Feb-17 16:31:47

aubergines yes he is the baby's dad but that's a whole other poor choice for another time

Grilledaubergines Mon 20-Feb-17 16:32:47

Still none the wiser to 'baby daddy' but anyway, unfollowing is the safest and easiest thing - out of sight, out of mind.

Pineappletastic Mon 20-Feb-17 16:40:47

YANBU. But not sure what you can do without looking like you're overreacting.

Maybe you should say 'ex-gf sounds sooo awesome, maybe we should meet her for coffee something' - see how that goes down?

I think if it annoys your DP too you should probably leave it to him.

LoupGarou Mon 20-Feb-17 16:40:59

I don't really see why it's an issue, who they spend time with is their affair. Does your DP give you any cause for concern re still being hung up on his ex?

luckylucky24 Mon 20-Feb-17 16:44:28

DH is in touch with his exs parents and her sister. I now consider them friends. We have dinner together (not with the ex) and go to parties etc. Her mum did a reading at our wedding!

blotty35474 Mon 20-Feb-17 16:46:51

I definitely don't feel I am jealous of ex gf. in the nicest possible way i'm sure she FINE but ... she's 10 years older than me, doesn't have comparable accomplishments, other shallow reasons I wouldn't dare verbalise and... well... she doesn't seem to have moved on from the family of her quite a while ago ex...

also his family have been nothing but extremely welcoming to me and it's not that i feel there is a conflict of interest as in they can't have her and me... i just think how incensed I would be if my parents were besties with my ex? SO INCENSED! and how much a clinger I would be if i was still loitering around my ex bfs family?! so uncomfortable!!

LoupGarou Mon 20-Feb-17 16:50:40

My ex DP is my best friend, we are very close, he's also good friends with DH and he walked me down the aisle at our wedding. DH has no problems with it.
I think so long as there are no issues with your DP overstepping boundaries or not showing respect to your relationship it shouldn't be an issue. If it is an issue, you have a DP issue not an Ex issue as is often said on here.

bloodyteenagers Mon 20-Feb-17 16:51:40

I really don't understand what the problem is.
His family are still friendly with the ex. And?
people put throw back on Fb, and? Fb encourage that with their memories thing. Are they supposed to delete every picture, delete her from their lives and pretend she
Didn't exist?

LoupGarou Mon 20-Feb-17 16:53:24

If his family are lovely to you then I really don't see the issue, if your DP and ex were together for two years his family would have had a relationship with her, why should that have to change just because she and your DP split up? What isn't that bothers you about it? Sorry, not being snide just trying to understand.

NeedsAsockamnesty Mon 20-Feb-17 16:55:18

What accomplishments do you have?

blotty35474 Mon 20-Feb-17 16:58:59

I am well educated and I am successful in my career, I have a good income. and i've settled down in a home and now I'm having a baby. I'm not Beyonce but I'm not an insecure person either...

blotty35474 Mon 20-Feb-17 17:01:14

you guys are slightly missing the point which was so shall I just unfriend them as it doesn't quite sit with me?

no one is suggesting they block her phone number or that I have her killed....

NeedsAsockamnesty Mon 20-Feb-17 17:01:55

Do you want to unfriend them?

Angrybird123 Mon 20-Feb-17 17:02:56

I have worked really hard to stay on good terms with my ex's family as they are grandparents to our kids and I live closer to them than He does. Also when we were together he wouldn't have seen them half as much of I hadn't organised / suggested it. I was part of their family for a decade and frankly would be pretty bloody hurt if I was ostracized because he decided to fuck off with ow - be different if it was me that had ripped his life apart but this way round? Adults can choose to have friendships / contact with whomever they choose regardless of who else they are friends with. Its all a bit playground to suggest otherwise in my view.

blotty35474 Mon 20-Feb-17 17:03:03

well yes, but am I being unreasonable?

blotty35474 Mon 20-Feb-17 17:04:44

there are no kids, never were going to be any, they were together for a couple of years, i was not the OW, he was single for a year between.

with children in the picture it is obviously a completely different matter.

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