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School have banned DD from wearing anything she has made

(149 Posts)
HandsDontDoDishes Mon 20-Feb-17 10:13:06

Bit of a back story

DD is really creative and always has been she's from a long line of very able and academic brothers. She's not this way inclined and has a few diagnosed additional learning needs.

As we saw this (art, music etc) was clearly her thing we encouraged her and she hasn't looked back-she has some confidence back from a few tough early years at school.

The school has taken a very hardline approach to her appearance- she's not allowed to wear her hair the way she wants.She keeps having stuff confiscated (a hair accessory made with three small Pom-poms?) hair bows that she has made for her hair and now it's her watch. She covered her bag in fabric she painted(the bag got banned) reason- as ever -the school cite Health & Safety The hair thing is bizarre given that my DD had her stuff taken off her and yet in the school class photo there are heaps of girls all wearing massive JoJo bows covering half their heads.

She's ten. She knows with older brothers that secondary is more strict in respect to items of uniform but I am being unreasonable in thinking her primary school are being a bit full on-with her?

Writing this as I reread an e mail sent from the school saying she's not wearing regulation swimming stuff (she is -they were only asked for a one piece)

TheWinterOfOurDiscountTents Mon 20-Feb-17 10:15:22

Have they said why? If all hair stuff is banned that is one thing, but taking her home made ones away while other girls wear bought ones seems pointless. Unless they are clearly dangerous?

OneWithTheForce Mon 20-Feb-17 10:15:36

Do you think they are picking on your DD specifically? It sounds like it from what you say. Is it one teacher or is this being backed up by the head?

HandsDontDoDishes Mon 20-Feb-17 10:19:30

Have realised what a crap title I've given this thread blush
They aren't clearly dangerous- I have asked for clarity but only recently. We're not fuss-makers . We heard what they said and towed the line. I think what made us stop is when her stuff got taken off her as she was sat having her class photo taken. She was really upset and it's pretty clear that "non regulation" hair stuff was certainly allowed as about 60/70% of kids had these massive bows that even Sia would struggle with

"They're a health and safety risk- they're not regulation "

How is a swimming costume (one piece) that's had fabric paint and stuff put on it a health risk?
There are girls that wear blinking bikinis!

littleducks Mon 20-Feb-17 10:20:23

Sounds odd. Is she fiddling/crafting these when she is supposed to be working or something?

I really can't see why if others have things like Jojo bows (and I bet those smingle bags) her things are banned.

youarenotkiddingme Mon 20-Feb-17 10:21:21

It seems excessive for a primary school to be confiscating headwear and bags and complaining about swimwear.

Secondary can be strict but it's usually school wide policy. Allowing jo no bows and not other headwear seems personal.

What's wrong with her swimsuit?

HandsDontDoDishes Mon 20-Feb-17 10:22:42


I am starting to wonder. We know the teacher, she taught two of my sons and adored them -they were both learning robots acing every test and charts going (both high functioning boys) I remember their time with her fondly because she treated them so well and I remember being baffled that friends of ours complained about the teacher on many occasions - because of her apparent lack of care with the children who perhaps weren't as academic. Hate to say it but it does make me look back and wonder.

fourcorneredcircle Mon 20-Feb-17 10:23:37

How is a swimming costume (one piece) that's had fabric paint and stuff put on it a health risk?

I suppose it depends on the "stuff" in this instance? So, trailing ribbons, loose sequins, beads etc. I can see the pool alone taking issue to, never mind the school.

The hair accessories would annoy me too - especially if others have massive bows and your daughter's hair thing was truly no bigger/brighter/garish than any other. I'm a firm stickler for "one rule for all" and i fucking hate jojo bows

HandsDontDoDishes Mon 20-Feb-17 10:24:45

No word of a lie there are pupils who go in with these beautiful MASSIVE smiggle bags absolutely heaving with key rings we are talking at least a dozen. How is that not more of hazard that my DDs hand covered bag with sewn on badges?

fourcorneredcircle Mon 20-Feb-17 10:25:01

littleducks makes a good point about fiddling/crafting too. I can see that if it's something she's made she wants to get it just right and will be distracted until it is so.

CotswoldStrife Mon 20-Feb-17 10:27:52

I suspect that the school are worried that items will fall off - that the extra bits she has added to bags, hair bows, swimsuits are not firmly attached. They don't know what fabric paint she has used and are assuming (possibly correctly, it's hard to tell) that manufactured items are safer.

I would challenge the hair bows though because they look daft because if they are made by someone locally, are they tested for safety? Don't try this line if they are obviously from Claire's or similar, but without knowing what customising your DD is doing, it is difficult to see their issue.

She can still make her own stuff for outside school. But there are times when you have to stick to the rules.

HandsDontDoDishes Mon 20-Feb-17 10:28:24


Nothing trailing nothing sequiny that would fall off. It's paint and this stuff that is raised paint which makes it look like embroidery -if that makes sense.

I love all that garish JoJo stuff- I think it's harmless and fun but DD just isn't that way inclined she's kind of a tomboy but not. She's a funny litttle thing and just wants to follow her own path but she's not blustery about it. If she's told no or has stuff taken she's very upset about it and wouldn't ever challenge a teacher.

I really didn't want to go down the "she's being picked on route" but I'm struggling to work this out.

HandsDontDoDishes Mon 20-Feb-17 10:29:43

Little ducks
Interesting point about fiddling. She's not really a fiddler but I will ask if that's happening. Thank you.

lalalalyra Mon 20-Feb-17 10:30:47

The swimsuit I can understand - they've no idea if it's been treated properly to ensure it's not going to run when it hits the water.

The bows etc is ridiculous and I'd be in asking questions.

Carollocking Mon 20-Feb-17 10:32:45

Sounds like the teacher has a personal problem with complain and take if higher if needed.

2014newme Mon 20-Feb-17 10:33:13

Go in right see them. Be assertive. Point out others are wearing big Bows. If you don't stick up for your dd nobody else will
That said fabric paint may not be welcome in a swimming pool, that doesn't sound unreasonable

BillSykesDog Mon 20-Feb-17 10:35:27

Yeah, fabric paint and bits added is really not fair on the other children in the pool. I think that's a perfectly reasonable requirement.

I'm wondering exactly what she does look like, is this an issue that she is looking so 'out there' that she is proving a distraction from learning for both herself and others. Ditto the school photo. I can't imagine many parents would be impressed if a class photo was dominated by a little Leigh Bowery in the corner.

HandsDontDoDishes Mon 20-Feb-17 10:35:51

2014 I have no trouble being assertive

I was happy for her to understand we follow rules and she can't have special treatment. I think it's just taken me a while to gather everything and stop and wonder if there's more to it.

I think seeing the class photo has swung it for me.

Will ring local pool and see what they say regarding health and safety.

CotswoldStrife Mon 20-Feb-17 10:36:03

Is the puff paint on the swimsuit? No way would I be happy with that going into chlorine, I am with the school on that one! Things like the pompoms could drop off if not firmly attached - if a hair bow is sewn to a clip, I don't see why that has to be removed though.

HandsDontDoDishes Mon 20-Feb-17 10:39:37

Bill Sykes oh god that made me laugh. I loved Leigh Bowery. If only!

Nope. She's 10 and I'm pretty strict. Her friends are allowed to colour their hair already my kid isn't- neither is she allowed make up

Ok for the school photo the had her hair in Dutch braids one either side which she'd woven gingham ribbon into (school colours) then at the end she had two small hand made Pom pins in the school colours.

For scale their is a while front row of girls in the class photo with these bows in (I shit you not) neon massive bows the size of side plates on their heads

I'm not exaggerating

bloodyteenagers Mon 20-Feb-17 10:40:09

The costume I can understand. Pools have policies in place.
The rest of it no I don't understand and I would be pulling them up. I would make an appointment with whoever is confiscating the things to find out why. Take the recent picture with all the silly bows. If they say her pom poms are not school colours or whatever bs, ask about the bows. If they go into denial, show the picture.
Ask about the bag what's different about this one compared to others. Is it because your dd's is a one.
And a watch? What is so offensive about a watch that it interferes with the H&S of anyone?

Jaysis Mon 20-Feb-17 10:40:09

Could it be that there might be concerns about the paint /hair accessories being flammable? That perhaps shop bought items have been tested etc and homemade stuff is usually glued or painted and those can be a fire hazard?

hmcAsWas Mon 20-Feb-17 10:40:41

You're post at 10.22 is interesting. My dd's primary school teacher was dismissive of her ...I think because dd is dyslexic and struggled to pick up reading and writing as quickly as her peers...and yet same teacher was fondly indulgent of dd's academic brother

HandsDontDoDishes Mon 20-Feb-17 10:41:38

Hmc-DD is dyslexic.

AnnIeAnoniMouse Mon 20-Feb-17 10:42:49

I presume this is her last couple of terms there?

You'd be well within your rights to go in & see why this is happening. To me it seems like anything 'shop sold/commercial' is fine, but anything 'arty/home made'' is just too 'out there' for them. One piece v bikinis too - well within your rights to see what's going on.

However, if it were me, I would rather focus my mind & energy on doing everything I could to find a senior school where DD will thrive. It doesn't sound like the 'local comp' would be a good fit for her. There are amazing schools for kids like DD, finding one for her would be the best start in life you could give her - IMHO.

Then just get DD to accept that the school is wrong & unfair, but it's only a few school weeks until she'll be in an environment where she can be herself & to go along with their stupid rules until then.

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