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Wedding dilemma. AIBU?

(47 Posts)
mangomay Mon 20-Feb-17 10:01:40

Back story-it's a long one...
My best friend is getting married in October. Her and her fiancé have been engaged for 3 years and they've recently come into some inheritance so have decided to use it for their dream wedding. They're having a big family wedding with over 100 guests, I'm a bridesmaid and am very involved in the planning. I'm ridiculously excited, they're my 2 favourite people in the world and I can't wait to share their big day with them.

Here is my AIBU. DP proposed to me on NYE. We were planning to marry in June 2018. However, I've recently found out that I'll be out of a job in September. The pre school I work for is closing and moving to somewhere else I can't commute to. I don't need to work, my wages are just pocket money really and although I love my job, we've got a busy year in 2018, a house move planned and DD off to secondary school so being off work for a year or so wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. DP and I both have huge families and we decided we'd have a small wedding, immediate family and friends only. We couldn't afford to invite all family, so to avoid anyone getting offended at not being invited, this is the best way to do it.
WIBU to push our wedding forward to this summer? We're having a reg office ceremony and then dinner and drinks at a local restaurant. How would you feel if your best friend told you she was doing that? I've tried to put myself in her shoes, and I'd feel ok about it, but I don't know if my view is clouded because, well it's me doing it!
Our wedding will be small and quiet, minimal planning and execution, and I'll still have plenty of free time to help BF organise hers. Honest views, please!!

xStefx Mon 20-Feb-17 10:03:43

I would be totally fine with that (im also planning my wedding so get the politics) . Especially as its a totally different type of wedding. I don't think your friend will have an issue with that at all.

Sonders Mon 20-Feb-17 10:04:27

I think you should just ask her before you plan anything. I'm sure if she is a sane and lovely person she won't mind at all smile

mangomay Mon 20-Feb-17 10:05:19

Thank you smile
I should also add that we'll probably do it June this year so plenty of time in between ours and BFs, we won't do it a few weeks before!

mangomay Mon 20-Feb-17 10:08:06

I've composed a long text asking her how she feels, although I'll probably call her and ask. Just thought I'd get a few opinions on here before I call 🙈

KC225 Mon 20-Feb-17 10:08:49

Will your BF be part of your wedding party? As it's very different and there will not be an overlap of guests 8 cannot see it being a problem.

2014newme Mon 20-Feb-17 10:09:18

I don't understand why you are bringing the wedding forward. Doing it when you are off work makes more sense.
As an aside I think your friends spending their inheritance on one day is unwise

specialsubject Mon 20-Feb-17 10:09:24

Cant see why this would be an issue. Somebody else gets married months earlier. What adult would have a problem?

mangomay Mon 20-Feb-17 10:10:52

I'm only having DD as a bridesmaid, but I thought I'd ask BF if she'd do a reading for us. The only guests going to both weddings are BF and her fiancé and our other friend and her partner, so no real guest overlap.

MimiSunshine Mon 20-Feb-17 10:14:45

Doesn't sound like you're 'copying' her wedding or that a total bargain last minute availability has come up at her venue 😆 So I'd say you're fine to go ahead.

I get why you want to do it now before you're out of work, you may not need your wage to survive but every little helps right?

Just don't go to far down the road of minimising your wedding. Yes you don't want to 'steal her thunder' but that doesn't mean you can't get excited and share plans etc

mangomay Mon 20-Feb-17 10:15:34

2014 they're not spending their entire inheritance, not that it's anyone's business! They already own a house and both have well paid jobs that support them, no children, savings and a decent disposable income. I'd do the same in their position. Rather than use their savings or get into debt. It's from BFs Great Grandad and he would have helped them pay for it when he was alive, so why should they not use it for that now?

We want to do it this year, next year we'll have less disposable income and plenty of other things that need paying for.

mangomay Mon 20-Feb-17 10:17:52

Exactly mimi, there's plenty of other things we need to focus on next year, and doing it now will free us (well mostly me!) up, financially as well as time-wise.

We're getting married in different counties, so definitely not venue stealing!

TheWinterOfOurDiscountTents Mon 20-Feb-17 10:19:56

I think you should just ask her before you plan anything. I'm sure if she is a sane and lovely person she won't mind at all

People actually asked their friends if they are allowed get married the same year as them? Seriously?
It's like another world.

MiddleClassProblem Mon 20-Feb-17 10:21:22

It depends on if she's a bridezills or not how she'll react. I'm lucky I haven't experienced anyone like that but you hear about it quite a bit. Only you can judge that and if it's worth it.

If she's just normal non bridezilla then go for it but say to her first as she is your BF

mumontherun14 Mon 20-Feb-17 10:23:29

I wold definetly phone and her speak to her about it rather than texting. I hate texting about important things - I would rather speak to someone either face to face or over the phone - you can chat her through your reasoning which all sounds perfectly logical and she will know you are checking with her first rather than going on and booking it all and then telling her later. me and my BF got married within 8 weeks of each other and were each others bridesmaids. It was no hassle whatsoever and I was glad we could go through it all together xxxx

mangomay Mon 20-Feb-17 10:24:52

She's the total opposite of bridezilla, really laid back and easy going, like me. It's why we're best friends! But the politics around weddings are alien to me, it's all so ridiculous. DP and I just want to be married, we considered doing it just the 2 of us but my sister would be heartbroken! So a small wedding is a compromise on our part. It'll be what it's supposed to be, a celebration of love (yes I know that's a bit sickly) with the people who are important to us.

blueskyinmarch Mon 20-Feb-17 10:26:33

I am sure your friend will be delighted for you. A small June wedding will not take the shine off her big October wedding in any way at all.

JuneBuggy Mon 20-Feb-17 10:27:03

I would definitely ask your best friend first OP smile

Bantanddec Mon 20-Feb-17 10:28:38

Personally I wouldn't bring her attention to the fact, if you call and explain it sounds more underhand (even though it's not!!)

Somerville Mon 20-Feb-17 10:30:54

Don't ask her!

You're getting married when it suits you, which happens to be five months before hers. I can't understand how this would be an issue and if it is then she's not as close a friend as you thought.

Nanna50 Mon 20-Feb-17 10:32:08

I would ring her not text, shes your BF. And yes as ridiculous as it may sound I get the whole wedding thing that even if you went away and got married very quietly some brides would think you had brought the wedding forward to beat them to it.
What are your reasons for wanting to push the wedding forward? I think getting married next year when you're off work and relaxed sounds like a great idea.

PatriciaHolm Mon 20-Feb-17 10:33:06

You want to have a completely different wedding to hers, half a year before, with very little guest overlap.

She would be extremely unreasonable to object in any way.

ThumbWitchesAbroad Mon 20-Feb-17 10:33:07

3-4 months apart, barely any guest overlap, different venues, different weddings entirely - nothing to cavil at there.
I also don't see that you need to ask her as such, but of course you need to give her a heads up about it, because you want her to be there! Just discuss it next time you see her, in the way you would have done if she wasn't already getting married herself.


MadameCholetsDirtySecret Mon 20-Feb-17 10:33:18

Call her don't text. You don't need to ask her permission but a text is a bit impersonal

BusterTheBulldog Mon 20-Feb-17 10:34:31

I think it sounds totally fine, as you are best friends it might be good to mention though?

One of my friends had a BIG wedding planned (not a bridezilla at all but big wedding) for ages and ages, our other friend then booked hers for the week before with 6months to go. It was a bit weird to be honest, especially as they were both big occasions.

In my circle if close friends 3 of us got married in same 6 month period and it was all lovely to share with them. However we did all get engaged at similar time, bookat similar time etc so not like one booked for ages and another last minute one I guess.

I'm sure it will be fine though op! smile

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