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To travel somewhere alone, sans husband and children?

(386 Posts)
4ggggggggggggggggggggggggggyyy Mon 20-Feb-17 09:45:02

Husband thinks I have lost the plot but that's nothing new. Anyway.

I have a particular reason for wanting to go to this part of the world, it's really important to me for all sorts of reasons but one very personal and pertinent one. Hence why I really don't want to go with two pre-schoolers crying and whining and demanding.

Since we have no one else to have them (and I wouldn't ask anyway) I still want to go. I have looked at flights on EasyJet and would go for four days in June. I've suggested husband takes some leave and I go. I regularly do this when husband does a long day: in theory it's a twelve hour shift, in practice it's more like thirteen plus travel time.

Husband is Not Happy.

AIBU to say tough, I need to do this, and book a temporary nanny to help him? Or have I lost the plot as he claims?

buzzmoon Mon 20-Feb-17 09:47:02

Where are you going? Sounds amazing, very jealous and I would totally do the same!

Do you have any family who might help him out while you're away though?

SEsofty Mon 20-Feb-17 09:52:16

If he's taking leave then why on earth would he need help?

If you would be happy with him taking a four day holiday, not work holiday, then book it and enjoy x

4ggggggggggggggggggggggggggyyy Mon 20-Feb-17 09:55:09

No, there's no one to help

isupposeitsverynice Mon 20-Feb-17 09:55:33

No yanbu. Dh and I are laying plans for me to do similar solo trip next year. Tell him to toughen up a bit!

Chocolate123 Mon 20-Feb-17 09:56:18

Sounds amazing go for it smile

Okite Mon 20-Feb-17 09:56:59

What's his actual issue? That he'd be left looking after the children solo? How many times have you had them on your own? Tell him to grow up and get on with it.

EightiethElement Mon 20-Feb-17 10:00:51

I think you should go.

If it's as important and significant to you as you describe then he should be supportive. It's not for a few months so he has plenty of time to arrange the time off.

I think you will see a lot from his reaction. With two small dc I suppose you've been very focused on being a mother recently. That can make your sense of worth feel a bit watery sometimes. If he grudges you four days away to do something important............ it might be time to assess.

4ggggggggggggggggggggggggggyyy Mon 20-Feb-17 10:05:00

He doesn't want to look after the children alone and thinks it looks peculiar for me to go away alone.

Frazzle76 Mon 20-Feb-17 10:10:15

It's totally normal. YANBU.
They are his children too and if this experience is going to reset your mind and give you some me time then it's worth it. You can plan what he can do with them together while you're away if that will help him to cope.

PhilODox Mon 20-Feb-17 10:11:31

Well he has plenty of time to practise before June- every day he has a day off, leave home with the children.
Use that time to brush up your CV, and job hunt. What kind of person cannot look after their own children solo? (Excepting disabilities, obviously). Only an inadequate person.
You do it, because you had to, and because you've had practice. Make him practise.

museumum Mon 20-Feb-17 10:13:00

Four days is nothing. Go.
You obviously don't want to say where it is or why but I'm assuming it's not totally toddler friendly? I mean if it was Disney world it might look a bit odd to leave the family at home 😀

KC225 Mon 20-Feb-17 10:13:48

We moved from London to rural Sweden 2 years ago and I make about 3 trips a year back by myself to see elderly mother and friend catch up. We do a big family trop on the summer. It doesn't look odd. DH will be fine looking after HIS OWN children. Maybe help him out with a few freeze meals and a couple of prearranged play dates.

PhilODox Mon 20-Feb-17 10:14:40

Leave him with the children, not home! Sorry- that would have the opposite effect :-)

Somerville Mon 20-Feb-17 10:16:53

It doesn't look at all odd. Loads of married people travel alone - for work, or for a family event, or just to recharge. As long as both people in the couple get the same opportunity at some point then it's fine. (Is he generally this selfish?)

BertrandRussell Mon 20-Feb-17 10:17:22

Wait- he's objecting to looking after his own children for 4 days?


elastamum Mon 20-Feb-17 10:17:26

I cant see what the problem is. Its only four days and presumably your husband is a fully functioning adult capable of looking after HIS children confused

FWIW I went riding in Patagonia for 3 weeks once when my DC were small. No mobile phone signal, no email - blissful - unsurprisingly when I got back everyone was still alive and kicking

4ggggggggggggggggggggggggggyyy Mon 20-Feb-17 10:20:20

He reckons the responses would be different if it was HIM wanting to go away and leave me with the children for four days.

BarbaraofSeville Mon 20-Feb-17 10:21:09

Maybe help him out with a few freeze meals and a couple of prearranged play dates

Er, why?

Does the DH cook for the OP and organise play dates when he is working away or doing long hours? It doesn't sound like it, more like she is using up her leave because he doesn't seem to think about actually doing any parenting.

Waterfeature Mon 20-Feb-17 10:21:28

I'm sorry but I think YABU.

You look after the children while your DH is working. Not the same as you going on holiday, at all.

You're unilaterally deciding how your DH should use his annual leave, and how you should spend part of the family holiday budget.

Why not wait until they are a bit older, and go as a family? Or go alone, when they are at school and there is no need for DH to take leave?

I do sympathise. I went away (with a group I'm involved with) when DC were little. DH was ok. There is a similar trip happening this year but I'm not going. Too much happening with the family, plus it's expensive. We can afford it but it's too much for just one person's holiday budget.

scottishdiem Mon 20-Feb-17 10:22:38

I believe the reciprocal thing here on MN is when a male DP goes away without partner/kids is that the female gets reciprocal time off as well.

As long as you offer him time away as well then it should be ok.

4ggggggggggggggggggggggggggyyy Mon 20-Feb-17 10:24:14

Water, the problem is I'd have to wait at least a decade until the children would be old enough to "do it properly" so to speak. It's not exactly a holiday, although obviously it sort of is, but something important to me?

Somerville Mon 20-Feb-17 10:28:33

The responses wouldn't be different if it was the other way round. confused
Loads of MNers husband's go off travelling with wok, or on a stag do, or on holidays with friends. If a poster comes on here moaning about it she gets told not to be so silly and to book a trip herself and leave him with the kids the next time. I really think that is the only issue with it - if one person is allowed to do that sort of thing and the other isn't.

isupposeitsverynice Mon 20-Feb-17 10:29:02

Well that would depend if the burden on housework and childcare fall disproportionately to you anyway - if so then yes of course it would be unreasonable for him to swan off on hols alone. But it sounds like he does not do the bulk of childcare and housework so the situations are not comparable?

Anyway fwiw I have ok'd dh going away without me and he had a nice time (me less so but it was over quickly and we all survived so no harm done). I really don't think it's weird for one partner to go away alone, presuming it's not a continual thing happening every few months or something.

Huldra Mon 20-Feb-17 10:30:32

If you can afford it and are willing for him to do the same at some point then why not.

Having to look after his kids for 4 days isn't a good reason. It's a one off, that will mean s great deal to you, not something you do every few months.
It doesn't look wierd.

I've done this before and so has my husband.

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