Too wish this girl had been more helpful?

[user128057]

So I am applying for a new job and need 2 references. I did voluntary work in a charity shop for a couple of years and thought I'd ask them to provide me with a reference.

The shop has shut down and I have no contact number for the manager. I thought I'd ask one of the volunteers if she'd would please let me have a phone number for the manager.

She asked me why I wanted their number cos she didn't want to give their numbers out ( they know me and so does she) and then she went on to say that I haven't bothered with any of them since I left and maybe I should find someone "who I currently bother with".

Now am I being unreasonable in thinking that's it's none of her business and she could of just given me their number or at least asked if they minded? Surely it's up to them to decide whether they write me a reference and nobody else?

Maybe I'm just mad cos it's put me in an awkward position as there's nobody else I can really ask.

[AlmostAJillSandwich]

It is a bit rude/cheeky if you've not wanted anything to do with them until they can do something for you!
At the end of the day she doesn't want to give you their numbers, and you cannot force her to.

[user128057]

It's not about not wanting anything to do with them. I work and the shop moved to a town 30mins away. They did say when I left if I needed anything to contact them.

[KoalaDownUnder]

How is it 'rude and cheeky' to ask for a reference?!

There's no rule to say that you have to stay in social contact with ex-colleagues. People move on.

Bizarre.

[Allthewaves]

i'd contact the charity and see if you can get the number that way

[LilQueenie]

can you look them up in the phone book? either business number or personal.

[user128057]

I'm unsure how to reply to individual posters but I'm glad it's not considered "cheeky" to ask for a reference cos I don't want to come across like that at all

As far as I'm aware the shop closed down a couple of months ago so I don't know whether the managers have moved on or if in fact the charity would give personal details but will give that a go. I hadn't thought about that so thank you

[FritzDonovan]

A lot of the time staff are not meant to give out personal info like home phone numbers. Are you saying that the manager no longer works for the charity as the shop shut, or that she moved with the shop which is now 30 mins away? If still working, email or write, you could even drop in at the new shop and ask there.

[user128057]

Sorry I should have explained it clearly. The shop I knew they were both working at has been closed down.

[user1487371341]

You have every right to expect a reference from these people, closed down or not. The least she could do is take your number, ring the ex-manager and give them your number so they can call you.

[Puddington]

I suppose if she didn't want to give you their numbers she doesn't have to but FWIW I think what she said about "not bothering with them" is petty -- you don't have to stay in constant close contact with former colleagues/employers in order to obtain a reference for them and it's ridiculous for her to expect you to! I don't think you were being rude at all.

[Puddington]

*a reference FROM them, not for them! Brain fart moment

[user128057]

Thank you. They know full well who I am. I could understand if I'd only been there temporarily and this girl didn't know me, but id been there for 2 years and got on well or so I thought with this girl. Surely it's up to the managers to decide whether they want to write me a reference and not another volunteer.

[user128057]

Thank you. I did feel a bit guilty but at the end of the day I have to work and earn money don't I? I didn't think it was normal to be in constant contact with ex employers anyway.

[Graphista]

1 I NEVER give out other people's personal numbers without their express permission. People have done that to me and it pisses me off.

2 the charity was your emloyer NOT the person who's PRIVATE number you think you're entitled to

3 you're not 'entitled' to a reference from anyone, you can ask if they mind providing one

4 I wonder how the entire conversation went, did you approach your former colleague by at least asking how she was doing/what she's up to now? Ie politely or did you phone cold and say something like 'hi it's ??? Here remember we worked at X? I need y's number for a reference for a new job what is it?'

Part of being a professional in the working world is treating others well. Would you want your PRIVATE number handed out by whoever has it?

[Graphista]

I've stayed in touch with several colleagues and ex bosses over the years, even if only Christmas cards.

In terms of good manners why would you just stop talking to people you worked with for 2 years and 'got on well with' ?

Even cynically, it's a great way to ensure a good reference and even a job again if you get stuck.

One of my dearest friends is the daughter of my first boss.

[user128057]

I'm not a rude person of course I was polite I was brought up with manners. I explained the situation and asked if she'd mind giving me their number. I've wished her well in interviews and we have had plenty of conversations.

I think she could of at least said I'll just double check with them that's ok and let you know. There wouldn't have been a problem if she'd been a bit more helpful.

[Mummyoflittledragon]

Does the person still work for the charity? If she doesn't, it will be her choice to provide a reference or not. And you can still ask for one from the charity. And perhaps ask if they can contact her on your behalf.

[Graphista]

"she went on to say that I haven't bothered with any of them since I left and maybe I should find someone "who I currently bother with". "

"It's not about not wanting anything to do with them. I work and the shop moved to a town 30mins away. They did say when I left if I needed anything to contact them."

" I don't know whether the managers have moved on"

"As far as I'm aware the shop closed down a couple of months ago "

So you haven't been keeping in touch with them, or else you'd know

[Italiangreyhound]

user128057 you are not required to keep in touch with people you have had a paid job with if you require a reference. How much more are you not required to keep in touch with people when you have had a voluntary position.

"They did say when I left if I needed anything to contact them."

If this woman will not give you the number, please contact the charity, explain you were a volunteer between X and Y dates and who the manager was. They should be able to arrange all this for you.

[user128057]

Thank you will do that tomorrow. Hopefully they'll be helpful. The girl definitely won't give me any contact details.

Thank you for all the helpful responses on here.

[bummymummy77]

Some of you lot are barmy! Christ if I kept in contact with everyone I'd ever worked with I'd have no time for anything else!!!

[Janey50]

I didn't realise that you could only ask an ex-employer to give you a reference if you had kept in touch with them.

[user128057]

Thank you I was worried I'd done something really rude by not being in contact all the time. I'm not a rude person and I have got decent manners. :)

[user1487371341]

Graphista, you are wrong on every level. You seem to over-invest in friendships that are, frankly, unnecessary. Perhaps you are someone who feels it is imperative to network and maintain working relationships when it is actually perfectly reasonable to move on. Perhaps you are insecure?

[Italiangreyhound]

You've totally not done something wrong. But I'd also say I would not every give out a work number, I would take your number and pass it on to the other person.