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To expect my DH to spend more time with me as we head closer to my due date and not see his DC for a few weeks?

(348 Posts)
bhappy55 Sun 19-Feb-17 21:41:23

AIBU to expect my DH to stick around more as we get closer to my due date (I'm 36 weeks pregnant). You see, my DH has 2 DC from a previous marriage and he sees them every other weekend. Sometimes he sees them in the week if he works in the area as well, which is about 2 and half hours drive away (in good traffic). On weekends that he sees them, he doesn't normally get back until around midnight on a Sunday, including tonight. The thing is, with me being so close to the due date, I don't really want to be on my own, just in case anything happens. And not seeing him at weekends at this stage in my pregnancy is getting me down because he is so busy working on weekdays (sometimes very late into the evening) that we don't really get any quality time together. My Q is, AIBU to ask that he doesn't see his DC in the last remaining weeks, at least until I go into labour? There's still so much we have yet to do around the house, and with it being my first pregnancy, I could really do with spending some time with him to talk about my worries as and when they pop into my head. Or sometimes, I just want to be able to have him with me so he and I can read up about pregnancy related stuff together. Although I know he loves me very much, I do feel like I'm on my own and not getting the support I need from him. There's a good chance that even if I did ask, he would refuse anyway because he says that he loves his DC and will miss them too much not to see them, which I do also understand. What are your thoughts please? Anyone else going through or been through a similar situation?

thisismadness77 Sun 19-Feb-17 21:42:14

Can't they come to you?

Thattimeofyearagain Sun 19-Feb-17 21:43:05

Yabu. Sorry but you are, his kids cant be shelved to suit you.

Hotfuzzed Sun 19-Feb-17 21:43:35


stopfuckingshoutingatme Sun 19-Feb-17 21:44:12

Yabu - sorry . Poor kids

ProudBadMum Sun 19-Feb-17 21:44:37

He can't say to his kids 'I can't have see you incase your sibling is born'

That's how resentment is born. Can they come stay with you? Or you both go back j visits?

How will you cope when he goes to see them once the baby is here? Will they be visiting?

UnicornButtplug Sun 19-Feb-17 21:44:54

In a first labour I am sure he will have chance to get back to you in time even from 2.5 hours away.
You can't just dump the first kids now that you are having one of your own.

eckythumpenallthat Sun 19-Feb-17 21:45:03

Yabvu. His kids can't be picked up n put down as and when it suits you.

ghostyslovesheets Sun 19-Feb-17 21:45:06

sorry - it must be hard but YABVVU to ask him to prioritise your child over his others

why can't you go with him - or them come to you - why is he so far from them?

DayToDayGlobalShit Sun 19-Feb-17 21:45:08

Not see his dc? Are you having a laugh?

PlinkPlonkPlunk Sun 19-Feb-17 21:45:15

What age are the DCs? If they're adults, then I don't think it's unreasonable at all. If they're younger, though, it's important for them to know that the new baby won't be taking their dad away - presumably for a few weeks after the birth you'll want him around too (reasonably enough).

Sweets101 Sun 19-Feb-17 21:45:43

Of course YABU. Just think about it.

Somehowsomewhere Sun 19-Feb-17 21:45:46


TooExtraImmatureCheddar Sun 19-Feb-17 21:46:13

I think YABU. You could be pregnant for another 6 weeks - are his DC meant to just not see their dad for 6 weeks? I know that's not what you want to hear, but I do think that is unreasonable. However, I also think him being away all weekend is unreasonable - can't the kids come and stay with you?

SauvignonBlanche Sun 19-Feb-17 21:46:13

So you're unhappy about your DH being a good father? hmm

YABU - obviously

DragonMamma Sun 19-Feb-17 21:46:19

I'm sorry but YABVU.

You potentially have 6 more weeks to go (if you go overdue) and based on what you've said, you certainly wouldn't be happy for him to then go and visit his DC, soon after you've delivered. So this could run in to a couple of months.

Please don't ask him, you'll look very very selfish indeed. They are his children fgs, he should be putting them first.

yorkshapudding Sun 19-Feb-17 21:46:33

YABU- sorry.

bhappy55 Sun 19-Feb-17 21:46:53

I'd just like to add, I did suggest that he brings his kids down to see me at weekends but my worry is he does a lot of driving around the country in the week and I'm worried about his health! I don't have a problem with his DC or DH seeing them, just perhaps not on the weekends in the lead up to labour.

Imaginingdragonsagain Sun 19-Feb-17 21:46:55

Yes YABU- how do you think he should explain this to his DC? I can't see you in case your new brother/sister is born? First labours are rarely quicker than 2.5 hours-at least from my experience

FabulouslyGlamourousFerret Sun 19-Feb-17 21:47:00

Good grief!

Wantagoodname Sun 19-Feb-17 21:47:11

You might not have baby for 6 weeks! Then you will want him around for a while.
So he might not see his kids for a couple of months because he's having another? Way to make them feel part of it..

Purplepicnic Sun 19-Feb-17 21:47:32

Why don't you just take each DC weekend as it comes, depending on how overdue or whatever you are and how you're feeling.

gamerchick Sun 19-Feb-17 21:47:35

You can't do that man. You need a different plan.

I do understand, you're feeling vulnerable and rightly so but your suggestion isn't reasonable. Talk to him and come up with something.

Maroonie Sun 19-Feb-17 21:47:44

How would you feel if he did that to your child?
Did you discuss this before getting pregnant?
Actually is this a reverse?

Wantagoodname Sun 19-Feb-17 21:48:08

By the time I typed this a couple of others had written the same

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