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Overstimulated? What a load of?

(113 Posts)
Mrsknackered Sun 19-Feb-17 21:37:31

My cousins children are really lovely kids. They're just a bit different to mine.
My eldest is happy to sit in a restaurant and eat nicely. Her children especially her youngest of the same age as my DS cannot under any circumstances do this. They are constantly interrupting anyone who speaks, various dinners get made a night in the hope to find something they eat, they're never told no, etc.
My cousin will undoubtedly every time when we are round there say "oh they are just so overstimulated", "my goodness the children must be overstimulated".
Her and her DH have used this terminology since the children were very very small.
Wtf is overstimulated? How on earth do you tell a child is overstimulated?
Do 8 year olds and 4 year olds even get overstimulated?!?!
Love her, love them, but goodness me it is getting so tiresome and everyone in the family now uses 'overstimulated' as a (lighthearted) joke behind her back!

monkeywithacowface Sun 19-Feb-17 21:41:58

How lovely and smug you sound.

Of course children get overstimulated, of course some are just badly parented. Maybe she's very well aware that you look down your nose at her and her children so feels she has to say something.

Congratulations on being such a wonderful parent hmm

CookieLady Sun 19-Feb-17 21:44:21

Well said monkey. How mature and lovely of you and your family for having a private in joke at her expense.

fruityb Sun 19-Feb-17 21:45:52

I get overstimulated at times - it's quite a stressful sensation. DS also shows this. YABU.

winchesterfan Sun 19-Feb-17 21:46:11

Yes children can be overstimulated, especially those on the Autistic spectrum.....but well done you on having such perfectly simulated children, I'm sure you are a delight to be around & not a smug cow at all!

RitaConnors Sun 19-Feb-17 21:49:50

My oldest child was/is also perfect in every way, like yours. My second...not so much! Not because we did anything differently. Just because they are different people. Dd1 plays the piano and is taking Latin after school for her own pleasure. Dd2 owns a catapult.

OopsDearyMe Sun 19-Feb-17 21:50:22

Hahaha over stimulated .. You should say I think they are under parented !!

I think she means they have become hyper, mine can get like that if I don't keep them in line ! Its called boundaries and behaviour management.

Mrsknackered Sun 19-Feb-17 21:52:05

I am most definitely not a smug cow! And my children are far from perfect but surely what I've listed isn't normal, every single day.
Neither child is on the autistic spectrum. hmm
Oh and I don't use the overstimulated joke. That's why I've pointed it out - others have pointed it out. Continually her children make family events difficult and it's hard to watch when they are just never reprimanded and everyone else's children are for similar behaviours.

witsender Sun 19-Feb-17 21:54:10

Absolutely a thing.

Newsflash, children are individuals.

Spikeyball Sun 19-Feb-17 21:54:21

If you really wanted to know you could look it up.

Mrsknackered Sun 19-Feb-17 21:57:30

Fair point. But is it likely that from newborn to now every time they act out (as my children do also) it's because they're overstimulated?
I'm not doubting overstimulation exists I'm doubting that it is ALWAYS the reason they behave in such a way hmm

Bluebellevergreen Sun 19-Feb-17 21:58:09

Some children (or adults like me) can't cope with certain level of stimuli.
The spectrum by the way is huge and many times you can be undiagnosed or have very very mild symptoms.

I get very anxious, since I was a child, if there is too much going on.

Some people can't switch off certain noises, lights, rythms...

Your children are different to theirs, don't compare or judge

monkeywithacowface Sun 19-Feb-17 21:59:49

Your OP shouldn't have been so disingenuous then. If you wanted advice on dealing with badly parented kids ruining family events then just post that rather than some bollocks about not understanding the term overstimulated.

Wolfiefan Sun 19-Feb-17 22:00:07

I think it's a convenient excuse that the parents wheel out to avoid having to do any actual parenting.
Yes it exists. But at every meal out and event when the children are school age?
Mine would get over stimulated by too long at a noisy soft play when toddlers.

chitofftheshovel Sun 19-Feb-17 22:00:18

You don't say the ages of the children. But in essence I think yanbu. Like a whining toddler being told "aw, you're tired aren't you" to help justify bad behaviour. Yes, brains develop in different ways but there is no need to pander to it.

JeffreySadsacIsUnwell Sun 19-Feb-17 22:01:23

One of my children is like yours, OP. The other cannot handle any kind of stimulation. If I deviate from the weekly meal plan I'd given them on Sunday night, we'd have a bloody massive outburst. Birthday parties mean maniacal behaviour. Reading a book means ten books need to be read consecutively. I am forever taking that DC off to a quiet dark corner, holding them tight and telling them to breathe deeply and calm down. Overstimulation is definitely a thing. So is bad parenting. However, the existence of the latter doesn't preclude the existence of the former and it's definitely not a joke.

EssentialHummus Sun 19-Feb-17 22:01:43

They may be overstimulated. They may be badly parented. There may be something else going on. We don't know, you don't know.

clickclickclick Sun 19-Feb-17 22:04:01

Maybe they're on the spectrum but haven't been diagnosed as such.
I definitely get over stimulated, and it's incredibly stressful. Children do too, and it's a classic cause of "hyper" behaviour.
You sound very dismissive and smug op. So what if she does use the word too much? If her children's behaviour bothers you, say something. If they are overstimulated, ask if you can do anything to help, like turn music off or close windows or whatever.

You can Google it if you've honestly never heard of it before.

gamerchick Sun 19-Feb-17 22:06:22

I do understand where you're coming from OP, your cousins are overusing the word to excuse their parenting right?

The closest I can get to overstimulated is when my bairn with asd hisses he needs a bath in my ear. Which is his code for feeling overwhelmed and on the verge of a meltdown.

mrsBeverleygoldberg Sun 19-Feb-17 22:07:05

Ikea today. I was overstimulated. I had to walk the dog on my own to get over it!
Ds2 is like me. It's sort of anxiety, too much information and people. Also tiredness. It is a thing.

witsender Sun 19-Feb-17 22:09:45

What is your point precisely? Are you doing a poor attempt at disingenuously suggesting that he children are poorly behaved, in part due to their lack of parenting hence their passing it off as overstimulated? Cause if you are that would be pretty shitty.

Crumbs1 Sun 19-Feb-17 22:11:04

You are right - smug or not - her children sound like they have a mother who makes excuses for poor behaviour. Overstimulated is twaddle - except the odd occasion when they are hyper because they were allowed to consume vast quantities of smarties/haribo/cola whilst charging around a ghastly soft play area.
In a restaurant children do not get 'overstimulated' they get precocious, rude and above themselves. Too many excuses for bad behaviour and ineffectual parenting.

OopsDearyMe Sun 19-Feb-17 22:13:43

Jeffrey ... What you describe sounds like a meltdown, you may be instinctively helping but are sure there is not more going on. I would not expect a typical child to behave that way. My Aspie daughter is the same !

Archimandrite Sun 19-Feb-17 22:13:46

Some kids going into hyperdrive when they are in exciting/different/busy environments and or when they're overtired.

I remember as a little girl being told to go and sit on the bottom stair for a bit to 'simmer down.' I used to get so over-excited and 'giddy' playing with my brothers and cousins, I was completely beyond reason. A bit of time on my own to just calm down a bit and I was ready to go back in and carry on playing a bit less wildly.

The more tired DD got the more wild she'd get, so that by bedtime she was literally running up and down the living room.

When I go to busy, crowded places with lots to see and do, I get sort of bewildered - don't know what to do first, what to look at etc. When I get out I'm usually a bit discombobulated.

It's not an excuse it's a thing and some children/adults are more susceptible to it that others.

JayzuzMaryJoseph Sun 19-Feb-17 22:13:51

You sound smug and bitchy, OP, sorry.

Perfectly normal that small children get overstimulated and cant deal with an adult night out.

Some kids can (how lucky you are that yours are one - my youngest is the same)

Some kids can't (my oldest couldn't stomach an evening meal out until he as about 11).

Either your sister should stop taking them out until they're older...or find more understanding people to have dinner with. But don't bother having dinner with them again if their children are so offensive to you.

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