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Pissed of with snidey remarks

(6 Posts)
Happyhippy45 Sun 19-Feb-17 15:25:30

Sorry, having a rant. I've been unable to work for over a year due do a rare complication of a fairly straight forward procedure and my neurologist dragging his feet. I'll spare you the datails. I was on bed rest pretty much for 6 months and for the last 7 I've been recovering from further complications from the procedure to fix the initial problem.
It's been fucking nightmare, really tough on me, my husband and son. We run a business together and because I'm out of action they are having to run themselves ragged just to keep us afloat.
I'm already feeling like I'm a burden, so when MIL came for dinner recently she was (as per usual) asking me when I'm going back to work. Saying things like "Oh, so you're not even going in for an hour or two a day?"
Talking about other people who "work so hard" (including my DH)and then giving me a look. All done when DH is not around. Her partner was looking really uncomfortable when she was saying all this and trying to defend me which was a small consolation.
Makes me feel really angry as she just doesn't understand what's wrong with me. I've explained it countless times when she asks. Probably thinks I'm making it up just to laze around all day and have her precious son run about after me.
Anyone else have an invisible illness and fed up of the "Oh you look fine,"
"Are you not working" comments?

HecateAntaia Sun 19-Feb-17 15:35:08

well, im not exactly known for my tact so you probably wont want to do this but i have fibromyalgia (and pcos. and currently stable ocular hypertension being monitored for glaucoma. and asthma. and alopecia. and....and... if i was a horse i'd be a pie right now 😂) and i stopped caring about being polite to rude people years ago.
.
so i would just say mil i am tired of your comments. depite what you think i am very unwell. just because it is on the inside does not mean it isnt real and if you can't find it within yourself to be supportive you can at least be courteous or you can stop coming to my house. your choice.

you do not - and i cannot stress this enough - have to be nice to rude people. the moral highground is a fake place created by people who are afraid to stand up and say no. you will not treat me like this.

SwearyGodmother Sun 19-Feb-17 15:37:54

Gosh you poor thing. I have an eating disorder but am physically quite well at the moment (mentally is another thing) and I am sick to the back teeth of people telling me I am better because I look well when every meal involves panic and intricate planning and I can barely get dressed a lot of the time because I have not really come to terms with my normal sized body yet. It sucks and the people closest to me seem to be the ones who say the worst things about how I "look well" (to the anorexic in me that translates as I look fat) and how it must be nice to be better.

I've taken to telling people that I'm still not well and that they need to not mention work etc - some arseholes argue but most tend to stop labouring the point when I've said something terse a few times. It shouldn't have to happen but it does. Have you tried saying to your MIL to fuck off or words to that effect? Going postal is sometimes the only answer with these people if they won't respond to clear explanations. The alternative is stop having her round until she learns to behave, maybe?

I hope you're truly on the mend and have no further hiccups in your recovery.

DJBaggySmalls Sun 19-Feb-17 15:42:12

Cheers on HecateAntaia and SwearyGodmother grin
you do not - and i cannot stress this enough - have to be nice to rude people.
I'm going to embroider this on a cushion.

Happyhippy45 Record her and play it back when everyone is in the room.

CigarsofthePharoahs Sun 19-Feb-17 16:08:17

What Hecate said.
I have been recently diagnosed with fibromyalgia and I've had comments along the lines of "Well we all get aches and pains." and other inconsiderate crap. I didn't ask to be ill, I sure as hell do not want to be ill, but here I am anyway. "Just trying a bit harder" will not help, if anything it will make me more ill.
Your MIL sounds unpleasant.

Happyhippy45 Sun 19-Feb-17 17:07:33

I make too many allowances for her as she genuinely doesn't realise some of the shit she says is hurtful. She has no filter.....and she's elderly.
My DD suffers from anorexia and has been mostly hospitalised for 8 years. I (and my DD) get the same kind of insensitive comments about that too.
"Maybe you could make her, her favourite meal etc."
"Oh do you want a piece of this chocolate it's SOOO tasty." She then proceeds to be very animated about how good it is while offering every one a piece and then asking her "are you sure you don't want a piece?"
"Do you have a boyfriend?"
"What do you do all day?"
"Maybe you should get a job, that'll keep your mind off things"
List is endless.

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