Talk

Advanced search

dont know what to do. advice needed and links to any organisations etc that can help

(10 Posts)
Areasonablegal Sun 19-Feb-17 13:47:35

So, my dh and i have been together 15 years, married 3 and have one dc who is 18m and one due in a few weeks.

Our relationship has gone down the pan and im constantly being told im useless, lazy, slovenly, a cunt, a bitch etc (all in front of our dc which breaks my heart as i grew up in a broken home and can see where this needs to go 😢). Should have seen it coming. He was abusive verbally and physically earlier in our relationship then stopped after i reported him to the police for hitting me. Things went really good, we got married and the pregnant and it started going shit. It climbed back up and we got pregnant again. Now i feel unloved, trapped and guilty for bringing a child and another on way into such a shit environment.

So, im currently heavily pregnant, not working as i was made redundant from my old job whilst on mat leave with dc1.

I have no savings, my 'dh' controls our joint bank accounts and i get a small weekly allowance.

Today i was told that all we have between us now is our dc (ignoring that im heavily pregnany with dc2) and that he is 'done' and doesnt care for me anymore.

He does this so routinely lately that i can barely feel anything anymore. Obviously im upset but i am trying to just think about the baby im carrying and avoiding the stress.

We own a house jointly. I have no family support at all and no close friends that i could rely on to help me.

In the current absence of financial independence and any help, my current plan is to stick it out until dc2 is born. Get back into a good job by the time they turn 6 months then leave - knowing i can pay for childcare etc and gef a place of my own when the house is sold. I dont want to stay in this house as my inlaws are all on the doorstep and hate me (because actually, they arent nice people!)

JiltedJohnsJulie Sun 19-Feb-17 13:57:28

Please ring Wome's Aid today. I've no experience but he's hit you before and you're heavily pg, you know you're vulnerable, you know the risks in staying. Give them a call and see if they can get you out.

You can fill in a divorce petition yourself, you'll probably be eligible for help with the Court fee once you are on your own, Google "court service forms ex160". I'd strongly recommend that you get a good family solicitor for the financial settlement. Some solicitors will take their fee from the settlement if you think you can't pay upfront. The Law Society should be able to tell you the details of family solicitors nearby.

Good luck thanks

JiltedJohnsJulie Sun 19-Feb-17 14:00:28

Forgot to say, p,ease call your MW too. Explain what happened before and what is happening again. She may be able to get you out or at least assist you in a way that is safe for you, DC1 and your LO.

There's more details on getting divorced here.

Areasonablegal Sun 19-Feb-17 14:57:43

Thank you x

EmeraldScorn Sun 19-Feb-17 16:44:12

I know this may not be helpful but I wouldn't wait if I was in your position. I'd make contact with Women's Aid (or similar) and if they can get you a place in a refuge (or wherever) I'd pack as much as I could when he's at work and leave.

He's been violent to you before, he's verbally and emotionally abusing you now, you have a child and another on the way - Get out while you can, don't let him make you/your children another statistic.

I wouldn't worry about the divorce side of things for now, the important factor is your safety, money will be no good to you if he seriously physically hurts you and your children need you more than they need money.

Please contact a women's shelter of some description asap. The best of luck and good wishes to you and your children!

rjay123 Sun 19-Feb-17 17:01:03

I would also check out the below. Make sure you are getting everything you are entitled to redundancy wise during maternity

www.maternityaction.org.uk/advice-2/mums-dads-scenarios/pregnant/redundancy-during-pregnancy-and-maternity-leave/

JiltedJohnsJulie Sun 19-Feb-17 17:09:14

Have a read of this on the NHS page too Areason.

And this from Refuge.

Have you managed to call anyone yet? Your MW maybe?

Zaralara Sun 19-Feb-17 17:18:34

I second the pp who said I wouldn't wait.

Definitely ring Women's Aid as a matter of urgency.

Do you have any family that can help you in any way?

Also I wouldn't let him know that you're even thinking of leaving because he will likely turn the abuse up and you'll be in even more danger.

Zaralara Sun 19-Feb-17 17:21:12

So sorry you've already said no family support.

Please ring womens aid and speak to your midwife.

DogMama89 Sun 19-Feb-17 20:36:34

Bloody hell. Are you ok! Please call womens aid, tell your midwife and get out as safely as you can. Don't try and do anything without back up, and stay saved call the police if you have to. What's your rough geographical area? Perhaps some local mumsnetters could meet you for coffee, show you to parent and child groups etc.
flowers

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now