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To think some people are just crap hosts?

(159 Posts)
MadHattersWineParty Sun 19-Feb-17 12:50:44

DP and I went to a really rubbish party last night. They are not really good friends of ours but DP used to work with the bloke and we occasionally join them for the odd pub quiz. Anyway, they got engaged recently and last night was the party. I'll call them Mike and Liz.

The invite stated it was catered as not to worry about bringing anything as there'd be plenty of prossecco and canapés.

We got there at 8, and it was already in full swing by that time. The room was quite awkwardly L-shaped and the volume of people meant you couldn't really get round to where the back bit was. We weren't offered any drink and presumed they'd already run dry, but could see round the corner that there were in fact buckets of fizz being 'hidden' in various places by the group surrounding the happy couple. They were popping them under tables or sliding them under chairs with a foot, or just picking up the bottles coming out of the kitchen but only topping up their friend's drinks then emptying the bottle.

We managed to greet Mike but Liz didn't move from her little spot down the end the whole time we were there, didn't circulate with any other guests at all. Canapés came out but remained down the end of the room and were not passed up and they were demolished pretty quickly. More bottles appeared and they were just grabbed before any of it could be shared.

Anyway, we had nothing to drink, nothing to eat and had trekked across town to stand on the fringes of a room to be only slightly acknowledged by one half of a couple, so we left after half an hour to go home and order a pizza.

I was always taught that if you're going to throw a party, you make an effort to talk to everyone, and I think it's bloody rude to create some sort of heirarchy about who gets to be furnished with a drink and who doesn't! AIBU to think some people are just really shite at hosting?

pinkyredrose Sun 19-Feb-17 12:53:05

Why didn't you say anything at the time?

Celticlassie Sun 19-Feb-17 12:53:08

Or done people are just horrendously rude.

MadHattersWineParty Sun 19-Feb-17 12:54:37

I didn't feel I could shout above the din of a party 'OI LIZ PASS US UP SOME FIZZ AND A COD GOUJIN WOULD YOU?' grin

BoboChic Sun 19-Feb-17 12:57:22

You are right, OP. Some people are crap hosts. I have a dear friend who used to be quite a reasonable hostess once upon a time, but since getting together with her DP and father of her DC it is horrible going to their homes - be it on holiday, for dinner or a party. It's uncomfortable, overcrowded, no one introduces anyone. The food is fine because my friend is a good cook.

MadHattersWineParty Sun 19-Feb-17 13:10:32

It seems so odd to me to throw a party if you're only going to talk to your closest friends anyway, and not mingle with anyone else!

Jux Sun 19-Feb-17 13:17:52

It sounds like yhe sort of party where you could have done exactly what you said in your second post! I would have done that, or dived on one of the 'hidden' bottles and swiped it for myself and dh.

But yes, some people are rude and grab whatever's going for themselves and mates. It doesn't sound like it was a formal enough party for the hosts to behave as you expected them to.

1frenchfoodie Sun 19-Feb-17 13:21:42

You left after only 30 mins, without even trying to squeeze down to the end of the room where the other half of the happy couple (and the food and booze) was? You may not have the stamina for their sort of parties wink

Lilaclily Sun 19-Feb-17 13:22:43

Next time take a bottle !

MadHattersWineParty Sun 19-Feb-17 13:25:05

Haha, maybe not! It really was the odd set up of the rooms and the fact that everyone was in solid groups that made it possible to see all the booze and food but no chance of getting to them! It was a tiny room for the number of people. I suppose I just thought it was the responsibility of the hosts to ensure the distribution of food and drink!

One group of three or so people had a whole tray of salmon thingies and two bottles of prosecco to themselves angry

Pinbasket Sun 19-Feb-17 13:28:14

Personally, I wouldn't dream of not taking a bottle of alcohol to a party, even if they did say there would be plenty. The only times i wouldn't take one would be a wedding, or a funeral gathering, or if I knew there was a paying bar.

ComicSans Sun 19-Feb-17 13:29:46

Jesus, how old were the guests? I haven't seen anyone hide drink at a party since we were all nineteen years old, students and skint, and we were only hiding it then because a bunch of us had clubbed together for a bottle, and were desperate to hang onto it because it represented literally the last change from down the back of the sofa, 2p pieces from the bottom of bags etc.

On the other hand, it sounds as though there was a slight mismatch of expectations between you and the kind of rough and ready party it turned out to be. Them saying there would be plenty of champagne and canapes and not to bring anything in fairness suggests a rather more genteel affair than what sounds as if it turned out to be a rowdy, noisy house party with people falling like savages on food and drink and where you wouldn't expect introductions. But I do have this vision of you dressed to the nines and standing genteelly on the edge of the crowd waiting to be passed prossecco and canapes while everyone else is getting roaring drunk. grin

Mummyoflittledragon Sun 19-Feb-17 13:30:31

God yes. Dh and I were epic hosts in our time. We didn't expect up to our standard. Enough food is always good.

The one sausage per person barbecue party was memorable. No other meat supplied. The choices of ice cream for pudding was good but not the quantity served per person. And the fruit salad meagre pickings. They lived in a big house btw. Stayed over and went home the next day to eat.

I think your hosts should have been aware of the situation.

ComicSans Sun 19-Feb-17 13:31:15

Prosecco, sorry.

JoeyJoeJoeJuniorShabadu Sun 19-Feb-17 13:31:25

YANBU - that is v rude.
I would have brought a bottle though.

expatinscotland Sun 19-Feb-17 13:31:33

If it was just fizz and prosecco I'd have gone a full stomach. But the rest, YANBU.

MadHattersWineParty Sun 19-Feb-17 13:32:39

I would normally take one but the invite really did stress not to with a second Facebook- event thing saying please don't BYO!

Wouldn't have got a glass to drink it out of anyway! We did bring a card and some vair naice chocolates.

MadHattersWineParty Sun 19-Feb-17 13:33:01

I would normally take one but the invite really did stress not to with a second Facebook- event thing saying please don't BYO!

Wouldn't have got a glass to drink it out of anyway! We did bring a card and some vair naice chocolates.

StillStayingClassySanDiego Sun 19-Feb-17 13:34:19

They were shit hosts <sniffs>.

When we have people round we always buy enough food and booze to fill up an army but everyone always brings wine or beer themselves.

esiotrot2015 Sun 19-Feb-17 13:34:57

It does sound shut tbh

esiotrot2015 Sun 19-Feb-17 13:35:07


arethereanyleftatall Sun 19-Feb-17 13:38:06

I think yabu. It just sounds like a different party to what you were expecting. It isn't their fault guests stood near the food and knicked it all. It sounds like it was too busy to circulate anyway. Like others, I would have brought a bottle and eaten before if it was stated canapés were the only food on offer. I think hosts of a party are entitled to enjoy themselves.

Bluntness100 Sun 19-Feb-17 13:41:00

How old are they? Sounds like something teens would do. They clearly didn't cater for the numbers in either booze or food, which is fine, but they should have then said to people to bring stuff. You can't insist people don't bring anything and not give them anything either, that's a shit party right there.

I do think you're a bit unreasonable to say they didn't circulate, as you only stayed for 30 mins. They may well have done before or after you arrived and thirty mins can pass quickly if you're chatting and drinking. They may also not have been fully aware people were hiding the booze or that others weren't getting any thing. Also as you say, if uou couldn't get to them, they couldn't possibly get to you.

Archimandrite Sun 19-Feb-17 13:42:04

It sounds pretty grim. YANBU

This could be Daily Fail bait and is a bit identifying though.

SparkleTwinkleGoldGlitter Sun 19-Feb-17 13:44:31

YANBU some people just aren't cut out for hosting.

I've seen some terrible hosting over the years, people that can't even get the basic of feeding and watering the guests right.

Me and dh always take a good bottle of wine and good chocolates to parties though wouldn't dream on not

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