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AIBU to want to curl up and die

(165 Posts)
Cottonheadedninnnymuggins Sat 18-Feb-17 21:45:25

Just had yet another row with DH because he doesn't get enough sex. Yet again he's told me I'm not normal, I don't wear make up often enough or make an effort for him, I'm not feminine enough.

I've gave up everything to support him through ten years of studying for his chosen profession, I've forgiven an affair (which destroyed me) and given him three beautiful sons. I'm tired, his business is failing and he took a huge pay cut years ago, the stress is intolerable. I can't sleep and no I don't feel like having fucking sex. I feel like I can't carry on, but there's no way out. I feel worthless.

Ohb0llocks Sat 18-Feb-17 21:46:13


SallyInSweden Sat 18-Feb-17 21:49:59

You aren't worthless at all. But you need to get really really angry.
The brass neck of him to say that. No one would want to have sex with a man who says those things.

edwinbear Sat 18-Feb-17 21:52:04

I'm not surprised you don't want to have sex with him - he sounds like a twat.

fifipop185 Sat 18-Feb-17 21:59:38

Agree - LTB. Hugs and flowers

TheElephantofSurprise Sat 18-Feb-17 22:00:42

Have a bath, plan your solicitor's appointment and get your ducks in a row. You have three children, so be ruthlessly practical and don't let anything go because you feel sorry for him or whatever.

Sounds to me like he's got someone else, again. Don't worry about that. Even if he hasn't, he isn't someone you want to be with. He's nasty. Quietly, coldly, efficiently, work him out of your life.

ShowMePotatoSalad Sat 18-Feb-17 22:01:53

He sounds vile. What is keeping you with him OP?

TathitiPete Sat 18-Feb-17 22:02:05

Yabu, it's him who should curl up and die.

crankyfranky Sat 18-Feb-17 22:04:00

TheElephant has the right idea 💐

Cottonheadedninnnymuggins Sat 18-Feb-17 22:05:49

I've just tried to explain to him that my libido has gone because I am tired and anxious and I've lost my confidence. We have so many financial problems because of his twattery, I have to deal with everything and it's worn me down. Anyway he told me again that I don't make an effort with my appearance and most women don't have a libido they just lie back and think of England. I've wasted 25 years of my life on this cunt. I used to be feisty, confident and funny. Now I'm nothing, just a pathetic shell with a redundant fanny.

JustCallMeKate Sat 18-Feb-17 22:10:16

LTB. Plan your solicitors appointment, get the finances sorted, reclaim your confidence and speak up for yourself. Don't tolerate another moment of his cuntiness. You are worth SO much more and I bet your fanny won't be redundant forever Your fanny also deserves so much more with the right person. flowers

PollytheDolly Sat 18-Feb-17 22:10:24

Your last post says it all OP.

Time to call it a day. You deserve better than that.

RumAppleGinger Sat 18-Feb-17 22:13:59

He's a cunt, don't waste another 25 years. Get away from this fuckwit. Yeah it will be hard, but you be free from this shit.

AliceInUnderpants Sat 18-Feb-17 22:15:44

Why do women still believe there's no way out of a marriage like this? OP we are fortunate enough to have a welfare system that supports in circumstances just like this. You do NOT have to live like this/

Carollocking Sat 18-Feb-17 22:15:52

Bye bye in the morning put his crap out and change the locks

AshesandDust Sat 18-Feb-17 22:15:58

Get rid of the obnoxious arsehole - he's killing you with stress. flowers

witsender Sat 18-Feb-17 22:17:16

You have so much time ahead of you. Ditch him and get on with your life.

DesolateWaist Sat 18-Feb-17 22:17:40

most women don't have a libido they just lie back and think of England.

He is happy to have sex with a woman who simply isn't interested in it, just something warm to shove his dick in. Tell him to get to fuck.

FellOutOfBed2wice Sat 18-Feb-17 22:17:59

Fuck him. Get angry. Get really fucking angry. You deserve so much more than this.

RNBrie Sat 18-Feb-17 22:18:17

Your redundant fanny is worth a lot more than your useless cunt. Get rid of one and the other may well pop out of retirement.

HandbagCrazy Sat 18-Feb-17 22:20:02

If you're ready, suggest that you agree actually - send him out to find someone who will give him the sex he wants - and put up with all the crap that comes with him.

FWIW I don't wear make up (dry skin that just can't take it), can't be arsed with my hair most days and hate painting my nails. I'm not feminine, have a great libido. The 2 aren't linked - but it is generally proven that a happy, content person will want sex more. It's not rocket science to realise if he makes you miserable in 90% of your lives together, you're not going to want sex with him.

You deserve better OP. Contact a solicitor, get your ducks in a row and LTB

Valentine2 Sat 18-Feb-17 22:23:13

most women don't have a libido they just lie back and think of England
That is his theory because you have not challenged him for 25 years! You shouldn't have stayed after the affair. But listen to Elements. Your OP reads like a dead end. I don't think you can work on it. I would much rather spend all that energy on working on myself and DCs.

bulletjournal Sat 18-Feb-17 22:24:49

You are not worthless, you have not wasted 25 years because you have 3 beautiful sons.

If your husband is unable to get you in the mood, it's on him and just on him. I am not just talking about tonight.

You need to sit down, and start investigating how you can manage to live on your own. You do realise that separating and at worst divorcing does not mean you failed? It just mean you start a new life.

PoorYorick Sat 18-Feb-17 22:24:50

most women don't have a libido they just lie back and think of England

So he's shut in bed too, never known a woman to enjoy it.

Take this nob and shove it.

MrsWembley Sat 18-Feb-17 22:27:04

You honestly don't have to put up with this, you know you don'tsad My DP would love me to have a higher libido but accepts that, at the moment, I don't. He doesn't talk to me like this and if he did he'd get it back in spades! He has no respect for you as a person and seems to have forgotten that you are the woman he once fell in love with.

People with more experience will give you practical advice, but we're all here to help you get the fuckwit out of your life. You obviously know something has to give, you came here for a reason. Let that reason be the start of a new life!

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