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AIBU to be cross with DH about not wanting to pay for Men B Vaccine?

(21 Posts)
twirlytwit Sat 18-Feb-17 20:09:31

We're approaching DD's 2nd birthday, after which I'd planned to go to Boots (who privately vaccinate >2s for £110 per vaccine and they would need 2 each).
After discussion last year he pretty much said up to you.. when I decided to put off until youngest is 2 to go to Boots as the cheapest place at the time and also once national stock issue sorted out. I didn't want to vaccinate one child without the other (now 4) which influenced my decision to wait.
I'm just really annoyed with his attitude, because we're planning to buy a property this year, so he doesn't want any money to leave our accounts 'unnecessarily' before all arranged, therefore thinks this can wait another year.
By then their risk is naturally reduced with age, so I said will that be another reason not to do it then? After discussing the stats he concluded that 'they're more likely to be killed by a freak accident at soft play'. His attitude about it has made me livid.
I've been back at work for 6 months now and happy to fund myself but my salary mostly gets eaten by child care costs.
Credit card he would frown upon due to affecting potential mortgage. He's OK with me approaching my parents for a short term loan which I would repay in full within a few months- however his draw back to that is my parents could feel bad lending to us and not to other grandchildren for this purpose. Although that would be their parents choice, surely? He seems to have excuse after excuse to not pursue it and not prepared to do any of his own research.
So I just needed a vent, to know if I should be pushing the matter with him and it would also be helpful if anyone knows anywhere currently offering two courses of Bexsero for less than £440?! Thanks

Squirmy65ghyg Sat 18-Feb-17 20:12:36

Wow. That is a lot of money.

StarUtopia Sat 18-Feb-17 20:14:50

I'd have to agree with your husband - but I'm sure I'm in the minority on here.

Meningitis is still, thankfully, very rare. We just hear about it more because of social media etc.

Plus, the vaccine does not cover every strain, so even if you had the vaccine, it does not guarantee in the slightest that your child wouldn't contract it. Plus, I would worry that parents who pay out for the vaccine somehow think they are now magically 'covered' and maybe mentally cross off 'meningitis' off their radar when their child is poorly (as in, can't be that, they've been vaccinated)

I say all this and my brother nearly died as a 2 yr old. He suffered brain damage. None of my children have been vaccinated with this vaccine and even my mum agrees with me. Far more important to be vigilant about keeping a healthy immune system in your child (decent vitamins, diet and fresh air/exercise) and to keep a close, mindful eye on any symptoms that could point to a nasty illness. Also bear in mind not everyone gets a rash (my brother certainly didn't, so if Mum had waited for that, dear brother would have been dead)

Magicpaintbrush Sat 18-Feb-17 20:24:03

Personally I would get your children vaccinated. God forbid they caught Men B - you would look back and the money would seem nothing compared to your child's life. If your parents are willing to lend you the money and yoy can pay them back then do it - it's up to the parents of their other grandchildren if they want to get their own kids immunised, and shouldn't factor in your decision. As I understand it children under the age of 5 are in the highest risk age group. I got my dd done last year, at age 7, having known 2 people who got Meningitis - one was about 13 yrs old, the other 17 yrs old. The 13 yr old died. If you can avoid your kids getting this awful disease then don't hesitate.

olivesnutsandcheese Sat 18-Feb-17 20:26:42

I'm thinking about it for my 4 and 12 year old. My then 2 yr old did actually suffer a freak accident at soft play so we've already used up that bad luck. I'm basing it on the fact we can afford it at the moment and that I couldn't forgive myself if they were unlucky enough to get it. It's not an easy decision as it is costly. However I think a bank would not look unfavourably on an itemized payment for a vaccine when you are looking to get a mortgage.

OddShoe Sat 18-Feb-17 20:28:54

I agree with you.

I don't think my child is magically covered but I do know I have reduced the risk of her getting meningitis. I paid for it at a time when I was totally skint (still am!) but it was very important to me.

RNBrie Sat 18-Feb-17 20:30:51

The thing is the vaccine doesn't cover all strains of men b so they could have the vaccine and still contract men b. It also doesn't cover any of the other strains of meningitis. Men b is extremely rare, of the 1,200 children that catch it every year only 10% suffer major complications.

My mum paid for my dc to have the vaccination as we couldn't really afford it but I can understand why your husband is reluctant to part with the money.

That said, his reasoning about the mortgage doesn't sound right and why are you paying for all of the childcare? He should be paying half.

Borrow the money from your parents, his reason for not doing that is mad too.

Is the controlling about money in other aspects of your life?

Semaphorically Sat 18-Feb-17 20:36:31

So he's unilaterally decided to change his mind on a previously agreed spend? To be fair, you can do the same then, and veto his decision not to get them vaccinated.

I also agree with RN. Childcare costs are a joint cost, they are not yours alone. Unless they're not his kids?

StarUtopia Sat 18-Feb-17 20:37:03

olive flowers So sorry

twirlytwit Sat 18-Feb-17 20:48:38

Thanks for the feedback, much appreciated.
Perhaps I've been quick to recoil about it as it's an emotive issue, I'm glad I took a moment to sit back and think about it (and consult your opinions!) before I flew off the handle at him.
Thank you also for sharing a couple of personal experiences, I hope your brother is doing well with his life post meningitis, that the little one is OK after the soft play accident and thoughts to the family of the young lady who lost her life. Absolutely tragic.
We're certainly not rich. I appreciate that £440 is a lot of money and potentially disproportionate to the actual risk but I also feel if we are in a position to do it we should, rather than ever risking wishing we had if that makes sense.
And sorry I've confused you with comment about my salary, I just meant that I'm contributing, but not an awful lot to our disposable income due to the childcare cost. The money is all shared, as are outgoings and he's not usually unreasonable or controlling about financial things. We couldn't afford to outlay it on payday without using savings or credit to spread it.
Think I am mostly miffed that the responsibility of this decision seems to lay with me and seems unimportant to him. Not that his opinion is without reason, i just want him to make a more informed decision by ensuring he actually knows the facts about Men B, the vaccine etc rather than relying on me to tell him. It wouldn't cross his mind otherwise and he's laid back about most things.
It's also a very valid point about Bexsero not protecting against other strains of Meningitis and to still be vigilant of the symptoms regardless of immunisation history. That's such an important thing to remember.

CPtart Sat 18-Feb-17 21:16:07

Teenagers getting meningitis are more likely to be with the W strain, not the B strain. The W strain has been on the rise in this older age group and this is why the men ACWY is now part of the national programme given in year 9 or 10.

HeteronormativeHaybales Sat 18-Feb-17 21:23:56

I think when evaluating risk not only the level of risk of something happening, but the level of potential consequences is important. On a journey-by-journey basis, the risk of being in a significant car accident is very low. But we still wouldn't fail to use car seats. Similarly, most babies who sleep on their front will not die of SIDS, but back sleeping is still an eminently sensible precaution. I think the Men B vaccine is in this sort of category. The initial efficacy data seems to indicate it's not an amazingly great vaccine yet, and I think it'll turn out that boosters are needed, but it does fundamentally work, and it covers a fair bit of Men B (and I seem to remember reading somewhere that it actually protects against a currently virulent strain of Men W, though I may have got that wrong).

FWIW, my dh leaves decisions on these sorts of matters to me. I don't mind. Each of us takes a lead in making decisions on things we personally consider particularly important, and it evens out in terms of the 'thinking' load.

Y0uCann0tBeSer10us Sun 19-Feb-17 08:15:59

That's a fair assessment of risk hetero, but I would say that that assessment leaves out any risks to taking the vaccine. It's worth also considering that the longer term effects aren't yet known, and that, because Men B is so rare and the vaccine efficicacy is relatively low as you said, several tens of thousands of patients (above toddler age) need to be treated to prevent a single case. This could make relatively rare reactions (say 1:25000) higher than the number of Men B cases prevented in older age groups.

I think Men B was predicted to give some limited protection against Men W but that hasn't been demonstrated yet (to my knowledge), and when this vaccine was debated in parliament the JCVI expert was very clear that Men W protection couldn't be assumed.

CallingGloria Sun 19-Feb-17 08:34:14

Is it not part of the immunisation programme?

twirlytwit Sun 19-Feb-17 08:53:29

CallingGloria, it is but was introduced in summer 2015 so neither of my children are eligible due to age. Any babies born after then get it on the NHS.

DontTouchTheMoustache Sun 19-Feb-17 08:58:03

Just as a side note there is a petition going around to make this free to children of all ages

annandale Sun 19-Feb-17 09:03:05

I don't know. I paid to get ds vaccinated against HPV because I work in a head and neck cancer unit and it's too hard to think about him getting it when there's something I could do to help. Even though it's a tiny risk overall and HPV is only one of many risks. But dh was happy for us to spend the money for my peace of mind. However, if it had meant us not eating or missing out on a mortgage, he might not have been so happy.

I think going to your parents is the best option in the circumstances. As you say, it's their choice re other grandchildren.

CallingGloria Sun 19-Feb-17 09:03:21

Thanks. So your DCs just missed out? Mmm it is a difficult one - cost vs probability. Personally I would go ahead and vaccinate.

BTW, If I am correct, having a Credit card but not using it can affect your credit rating.

Y0uCann0tBeSer10us Sun 19-Feb-17 09:16:43

Donttouch there was a similar petition about a year ago which was debated by the health committee, and took evidence from parents as well as a range of experts. In the end the JCVI (the committee who make the decisions regarding the vaccination schedule) agreed that it might just about be worth extending the roll out to under 2s and did another study, but this found no benefit in extending it beyond 1 year olds. (It's worth bearing in mind that it was originally not thought to be worth it in under 1s either, and it was only on tweaking the statistical model that the roll out scraped over the line at all.) There are lots of factors to consider, including the disease become increasingly rare beyond age 1 (from a very low, and decreasing, starting point, even before the vaccine was introduced), the vaccine efficacy being fairly low, cost effectiveness, and of course the side effects of the vaccine itself.

ToastDemon Sun 19-Feb-17 09:27:48

I've been encouraging everyone to get this since November when my neighbours' six year old daughter contracted meningitis and died.
It might be rare but when I think of what they have lost, the money seems a very small price to pay.

DontTouchTheMoustache Sun 19-Feb-17 09:35:03

Ah fair enough y0u, I have to admit my DS is young enough to get it for free so when someone posted it on fb I just signed it without doing much research blush

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