About exBF - phone and belongings?(43 Posts)
Sorry, this may be long.
Almost 6 months ago I split with my BF. We didn't technically live together but he spent a lot of time at my house and had lots of stuff there. He took some when I asked him to leave but there are several large bags of his belongings still in my basement, plus an old stereo and surround sound system that he unsuccessfully tried to get me to buy from him (for £250 ).
Also, shortly before I saw the light and got rid, he convinced me to take out a new phone contract for him in my name on my existing account. The plan always was that he would transfer it to his own name after 6 months. Getting him to pay me every month for his phone expenses is a nightmare, he's always several weeks late paying and I've had to threaten more than once to have his handset blacklisted to get him to cough up.
He was controlling and emotionally and financially abusive when I was with him and he still tries to manipulate me. He lies, he wheedles, he guilt trips. He finds reasons to try to speak to me, phones me repeatedly, texts me begging me to answer the phone. He has recently tried to drag my children into the equation by claiming they are watching unpleasant and inappropriate videos on YouTube as his account is still signed in to my iPad (total lies but I fear he's building up to threatening reporting me over this, which would be difficult due to my occupation). I have had reports from neighbours that they've seen him on my property late at night but he denies being there. I basically want to end all contact and get on with my life, I am seeing someone else and I am happy and rebuilding my self esteem with the help of my lovely new bloke, who is allowing me to take things slowly and feel respected.
I have asked him multiple times to arrange collection of his stuff. This week he has tried to take over his phone contract and has failed the credit check. I can't bear another 18 months of monthly contact with him.
I have told him he either buys out the contract to keep the phone/number or hands the phone to me in mint condition and I'll change the number and give it to my DD to use. I've told him he has seven days to collect his belongings or I will dispose of them and all I've had back us "I'll check my work rota" - no indication of what he plans to do with the phone or when he'll be coming. I feel the need to have someone with me when he comes in order to feel safe so need to arrange this - the kids are away at their dad's this half term.
What the hell do I do if he keeps ignoring me? What are the legal implications of just throwing his belongings away? How can I recover the phone if he won't buy the contract out ( unlikely as he's always skint and was always sponging money from me). Will the police help me at all or will they just tell me it's a civil matter? Phone company were as helpful as they could be and have told me that as everything is in my name, the phone is legally mine and they will happily blacklist it as soon as I ask them to. Where do I go from here to just finish getting him out of my life so I can block his number and just be happy?
Dump his stuff. Cancel the contract on his phone.
To be honest I would just sack the phone off, as in I'd have the phone company blacklist it and pay whatever you have to out of your own pocket, it's a better option than maintaining any form of contact with him.
The same applies to his belongings, if he doesn't pick them up within the timeframe I would take them to a charity shop or if you're feeling generous try on one occasion to drop them off with someone he knows, anyone at all, a relative, a friend, at his work, anywhere but don't let it be a never ending pursuit, get rid of them asap.
I wouldn't keep pandering to him and being forced to stay in touch when you don't want to. Get his account removed from your iPad, don't be allowing him opportunities to snoop on you/your children.
Also you should change your number and block him on all social media platforms!
As above. I'm not sure why you haven't done this already? I maybe misunderstanding but you want a clean break but seem to be stringing this out?
I'm honestly not stringing it out. I've been counting down to this point when he was supposed to be taking over the phone. I've thought about sacking it off but to buy out the contract is nearly £900 and he's wheedled so much money out if me already, I'm reluctant to 'let' him have more. It's the final option though, just to get rid of him if he won't co-operate.
Nothing's signed in on my iPad at all. It's a load of bollocks he made up to try to get me to answer the phone.
I have been asking him to get his stuff repeatedly, he promises then cancels. He's living with his parents who I got on with but when we split his mum put a lot of pressure on me to take him back and I don't feel comfortable going there.
Just dump his stuff on his parents door step.
The phone is trickier though.
Yes, I'm guessing his mum put pressure on you as she didn't want him! Are your DC his too? I missed that bit. If you know where he lives, I'd pack his stuff up and leave it at his mum's, on the doorstep if necessary. Take someone with you. Then blacklist the phone, block him from all other forms of contact and (contact with DC issues aside) get on with your life.
No, his children are not mine. My exDh, the kids dad, is actually very supportive, has offered several of his friends to be there when he comes, or to put it outside my house and collect the phone from him himself do I don't have to see him.
Drop his stuff off at his parents - no need to engage with them - just a hello and goodbye. Transfer the phone into your daughters name. You don't need to tell him - you've given him enough warning.
Not sure why you haven't already done these things? Do you still want contact with him?
Seriously dump his stuff at his parents.
The best solution to the phone contract I don't know, what happens if you blacklist it?
Welsh, you need to dump his stuff in his parents garden, then call him up, and tell him, so he can retrieve them. If possible, get someone to do it for you, or pay someone with a small van.
Speak to your neighbours, ask them to call the police, if they see him snooping around your property, likewise, you should do the same.
I don't have an answer for the phone, but one way or another, it needs sorting.
Get this bum out of your life, once and for all.
Sounds like you're back on your feet again, be happy. 😄
I can see how something like this could happen.
Phones yours, get it back and give it to your child.
Dispose of his belongings in whatever way you want.
Tell him no more contact. Ever
Call the police if you or your neighbours see him near your property.
It would be helpful if you could time it when he's home so you drop of the stuff AND take the phone there and then, presumably it is technically your phone and he needs to hand it over...
Take some of your ExDH friends with you? Visit him at work?
Phone contract is in your name so report the phone as stolen and they will block the phone. You can always get a cheap phone for your daughter and transfer the number or if you have insurance pay the £100 excess for a new one.
As for his things unfortunately you can't just dump them as it's then classed as theft (I checked with police when I left an ex) I'd definitely leave them with a friend/relative of his though or just dump them on the doorstep but make sure the door is answered "here's twats stuff" then walk away.
Id dump his stuff on his doorstep, and text him telling him where to find them. To let him know your serious id report your phone stolen, and personally name him. The phone is legally yours, and you are entitled to have that back. Sell the phone, and pay off the remaining of the contract with the money. If he doesn't get the hint, then file a report to the police that neighbours have seen him on your property without your permission, and you are scared, and get an injunction. Sometimes you need to be firm to make a point.
Does the phone have insurance? Report stolen and get a new one/and contact the police. Drop his stuff at his mums. Just knock and retreat to the gate, say "hi there, sorry to bother you, but your son has been displaying some weird and stalkerish behaviour and has point blank refused to collect his crap....bye!!"
Pick a date, tell him his belongings will be left outside for 24 hours and after that you'll leave it at his parents and if he hasn't taken over the phone e than your reporting it stolen and you do not want to hear from him after this date. Do this via e-mail and keep a copy. Get a cheap CCTV to record anyone at your property. Report the phone stolen if he doesn't take it over. Keep a log of his contacting you and what he says/does. If he does continue to contact you, go to the police.
As you're the official phone contract holder can you not get them to block the phone and get the rest of the contract transferred to another phone. They're not losing money as you'd be paying the rest.
I would get the sim blocked and have the company send me a fresh one.
Get insurance if you haven't already then report the phone stolen (give his name), pay the excess and get a new handset.
It's all very well saying block the phone and get a new sim to put in a new phone but handsets are expensive and if it's the latest iPhone for example why the hell should he get to keep it or sell it for hundreds of pounds. Part of the cost of these 24 month contracts is the handset.
I would contact the phone provider, explain the issue and ask what options you have.
I would ask your neighbours to contact the police if they see him on your property again,
You cannot lie to the police and report the phone stolen!
Ask him to give you the phone since it legally yours. Put it in writing. If he refuses, then you report it to the police as theft.
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