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To wonder if I should have been told about allegations against my daughter and her teacher?

(168 Posts)
Mumoftmtocount Sat 18-Feb-17 11:16:21

DD1 is 16 and has become close, in a jokey/friendly way,with her history teacher since he began at her school last October.

DD is mature for her age and gets on well with adults rather than kids. Teacher is mid 20s,James corden kind of looks, nice personality.

DD informs me that yesterday, she was called into see her guidance tutor and asked if she has feelings for history teacher.

Allegedly a parent raised the concern. I however wasn't informed at all.

AIBU to think this whole thing is so out of line?

(DD has no feelings for him btw)

Stitchfusion Sat 18-Feb-17 11:17:57

you are being precious. Your child is 16. not 6

Fighterofthenightman Sat 18-Feb-17 11:19:17

Why do you think you should have been informed?

Alisvolatpropiis Sat 18-Feb-17 11:19:36

I think if there are concerns then yes, you should have been informed by the school.

CactusFred Sat 18-Feb-17 11:19:42

I disagree that you are being precious and totally think you should be informed!

Aeroflotgirl Sat 18-Feb-17 11:20:01

I agree with you. She is still a minor under your care, you have a right to be informed. I guess school can monitor the situation.

ludothedog Sat 18-Feb-17 11:20:03

Why is it out of line?
Other parent raised concerns about an inappropriate relationship between your DD and teacher. School are duty bound to investigate.

The relationship you describe is inappropriate and your description of the teacher is odd. He is her teacher she is a pupil . How he looks is irrelevant.

The fact that another parent has contacted the school because they are sufficiently worried about their relationship is worrying. You need to take this seriously and speak to your DD about this.

HeyRoly Sat 18-Feb-17 11:21:12

I'd be more concerned that a another parent raised the alarm. On what information were they acting? Or just from what their own child had seen and reported back?

I understand why you're annoyed that you didn't know, but equally I don't think the school were obliged to tell you, when DD's answer was likely to be (telling the truth or not) "No I don't have feelings for my teacher".

Alisvolatpropiis Sat 18-Feb-17 11:21:54

I think it probably doesn't need to be said, but I'm going to say it anyway...of course your daughter is going to deny having "feelings" for him if the relationship is already sufficiently inappropriate that another parent (presumably of one of her friends) has raised concerns with the school. I wouldn't take your daughter's word as gospel, sorry.

Trifleorbust Sat 18-Feb-17 11:22:52

She is 16, so speaking to her first seems appropriate to me. Depending on the outcome of that conversation, you would be next.

It would also depend for me on how much weight there was to the concern?

Aeroflotgirl Sat 18-Feb-17 11:23:18

Op was setting the scene, but a similar thing happened when I was at school to s girl. Jokey friendly relationship, developed into a full blown one, where he left his wife and ran off with her. You need to be monitoring the situation, the fact Simone from the outside deemed it to be inappropriate. You need to tackle this with your dd.

sunshinesupermum Sat 18-Feb-17 11:23:36

IMO you should have been contacted by the school if concerns were being raised by someone.

Your daughter says she has no feelings for the teacher so is the other parent making mischief or is there any truth in the allegation? You need to know. As a teacher, he is not allowed to have any relationship with a student, whatever her age may be.

GarrulousGrimoire Sat 18-Feb-17 11:23:39

The fact you describe his looks/personality and her being "mature" is a bit fucked up to be honest.

He's a teacher, she's a kid.

Bluntness100 Sat 18-Feb-17 11:24:21

I'd be more concerned about the parent. Do you know who it was and why they felt the need to tell the school, could it have been one of her friends parent and the friend had told their parent something that concerned them enough to tell the school?

The school has to investigate. I'd speak to the school and try to get to the bottom of it. Either they think there is a relationship or they are trying to protect the teacher if she does have feelings by nipping it in the bud.

Mumoftmtocount Sat 18-Feb-17 11:24:53

I don't know how to bring it up to my daughter or if I should...I'm not being precious. Just overprotective.

I personally wouldn't report someone's child allegedly fancying a teachrr unless i'd heard them say it themselves. That's the funny thing - the concern wasn't 'inappropriate r/ship between teacher and pupil', it was 'pupil fancying teacher'.

dodobookends Sat 18-Feb-17 11:25:00

This isn't an 'allegation' against your dd, this is someone being really concerned about her welfare. The school presumably decided to speak to your dd first.

harderandharder2breathe Sat 18-Feb-17 11:26:32

Teachers shouldn't be "close" to their students in the way you describe. He should be maintaining a professional boundary as he is the adult and the teacher. But you should also speak to your DD about backing off from him.

PietariKontio Sat 18-Feb-17 11:28:05

I would be glad that someone reported it if it were my child, too many times when abuse happens people will say afterwards "I always felt something was wrong", but never actually do anything about it.
If it's all fine, then great, no harm no foul.

I think it's fine they spoke to your daughter first, but equally should have involved you at some point

Trifleorbust Sat 18-Feb-17 11:28:18

Well, pupils fancy teachers all the time, OP. If that really is the top and bottom of it I would quite simply ignore it. Someone has their knickers in a twist over nothing.

Bluntness100 Sat 18-Feb-17 11:30:29

They need to protect the teacher, these things can escalate by the pupil behaving inappropriately. I'd put good money on the fact they spoke to him first. He may also feel she does and be uncomfortable with the relationship she's trying to develop with him, even if it's just friends as he's not her friend.

Alisvolatpropiis Sat 18-Feb-17 11:31:04's your daughter who has told you it's just about her potentially fancying him?

Mumoftmtocount Sat 18-Feb-17 11:31:09

I have been wracking my brains as to who would ring up the school about it, and honestly cant think of anyone.

I brought up DD's maturity purely because I think that have been part of the concern, that she naturally bonds better with adults. I just think I should have been informed when such a concern was raised, no matter her age.

Alisvolatpropiis Sat 18-Feb-17 11:32:44

It's obviously one of her friends parents who has contacted the school. She has said something to a friend, friend has repeated it to parents either thinking nothing of it or because they're concerned and parent has acted on that information.

NerrSnerr Sat 18-Feb-17 11:32:54

I wonder if the other parent suspects or has been told by their child that there is actually something going on and was trying to gently raise it with the school. My sister was shagging a teacher between 16 and 18- it was raised with the school but there was no proof. My parents were massively in denial.

Bluntness100 Sat 18-Feb-17 11:33:07

Call the school on Monday and speak to the guidance teacher or head teacher. If your daughter would prefer you not to, then I think that's a big red flag.

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