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How many lies?

(7 Posts)
Fliesfliesflies Sat 18-Feb-17 10:30:07

Right the background. I house share with my ex basically because neither of us have anywhere else to go, we are both still good friends and get along very well and because we can't afford to live separately and are trying to save in order to do this. The relationship broke down after 11 years mainly due to his inability to not lie and whilst having some time to think he slept with a friend and she is pregnant and many more lies followed. We called it a day after this and he begged for forgiveness and to remain friends and he didn't want a relationship with the other woman but he did want to be a part of the childs life... I agreed to be friends and to support him and said I need honesty then and can't remain friends if all you will do is lie.
He tells lies that he calls white lies or deliberately doesn't say anything so as he can say well he hasn't lied because I or whoever else hadn't asked.
When he does get caught out lying he gets extremely defensive about it but I don't understand why he has to lie in the first place. He lies about money, he lies about seeing the pregnant woman, he lies about doing jobs around the house or where he is going...i just don't understand the perpetual need to lie. I don't want a relationship with him again, I'm at peace with what happened but I can't help but feel hurt when he lies.
The one that has struck me the most was that we got each other a small gift for Christmas, i was rather disheartened by mine but acting grateful as he told me he didn't have much money, then I have found a catalogue statement whilst cleaning out my coffee table / letter dumping ground that shows all these expensive things he brought in December. When the parcel originally came he told me it was a few bits for the baby he had brought which is fine, turns out it was womens clothes and jewellery and a weekend away. I am peeved to say the least. He owes me money and I am slowly getting it back and don't want to confront him until I have my money back, also is it really my business, which will be his argument.
I don't know what i am expecting from posting this other than relief from getting it off my chest. Why does he have so little respect that he has to lie? Why am I bothered so much? Why can't he be honest when I have supported him so much, i feel very foolish for supporting him now and need to save as much as possible to get out of this as I am sure the lies are going to keep on growing. Final conclusion: the "friendship" must end as it's too one sided and toxic people are no good!

x2boys Sat 18-Feb-17 10:34:39

you need to find a way of moving out its doing you no good being involved in his mess and then cut your losses .

ShowMePotatoSalad Sat 18-Feb-17 10:35:58

The friendship won't work because it is too entangled with the old relationship. I don't think it will work out and you need to move on completely.

UpWithPup Sat 18-Feb-17 10:38:11

Final conclusion: the "friendship" must end as it's too one sided and toxic people are no good!

Yes. That is all.

Fliesfliesflies Sat 18-Feb-17 10:39:14

Yes, I agree. I am ashamed it's taken me this long to realise in all honesty.

sum1killthepawpatrollers Sat 18-Feb-17 10:59:20

if you are not in a relationship anymore then its none of your business who he sees, where he goes or what he does.
with regards to the money side, if he owes you then i can see your point a bit but again as long as hes paying his way in the house then theres not a lot you can do other than keep asking for your money back. sounds like you need to get out of there asap and cut all ties as the way it stands youre too involved and close

Fliesfliesflies Sat 18-Feb-17 11:24:32

I am well aware it isn't my business, what annoys me is that he lies about it. I don't actively ask him, he tells me then will say something else that totally contradicts what he originally said and he has to admit he lied. It is also irritating as he constantly wants to know where I am, who I am with, and what I am doing. I am not the only person he lies consistently to, he tells lies to many people he really shouldn't and just says it makes things easier if they don't know the truth. I tried to talk to him about it and make him see how destructive the lies are but it is like talking to a brick wall.

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