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I probably am but would love a second opinion

(53 Posts)
bumblebeet Sat 18-Feb-17 08:50:51

We are a family of four, DP has his own business but it doesn't earn us much money, I work pt 3 days a week. We have a few breaks a year, usually camping or a cheap cottage for a weekend.
My SIL and her partner do not have kids, they both work full time and earn enough to have savings and a decent pension.
In the past we have gone away for a weekend with them, a couple of times. We pay two thirds and they pay a third. Worked out per person.
They keep asking about going away as they want to spend time with the kids but it's difficult for us to afford this.
Would it be reasonable to say that we could go if they would be able to pay half.

I know that we chose to have kids and we chose for me to work pt but it is them who want to go away and who can afford to.
AIBU?

treaclesoda Sat 18-Feb-17 08:53:38

I think it would be a bit cheeky to ask them to pay half if it has previously been split two thirds and one third. But maybe if you just said that you would love to but it is a bit of a stretch financially, they might come back and say 'well, what if we went half and half?'

ChuckSnowballs Sat 18-Feb-17 08:54:43

When we go away, we split the accommodation between the adults. So total divided by the total adults that go. We don't have kids, but I like spending time with my nieces, their cousins, their friends etc etc. Plus shock horror, we even look after their kids if the parents want to go out and the kids don't.

Bluntness100 Sat 18-Feb-17 08:56:36

No I really don't think uou can ask them to pay for your holiday costs. Simply tell them uou can't go as you can't afford it or will have to go someplace cheaper. You could seriously cause offence by asking them to pay for you.

Pissedoffhousewife Sat 18-Feb-17 08:56:42

If they are suggesting it why don't you say you would love to but money is tight and you could only afford to pay £XXX. They could then either decide that they won't ask again, suggest that you all look for somewhere a bit cheaper to fit your budget or offer to pay a bit more.

expatinscotland Sat 18-Feb-17 08:59:15

Just tell them you cannot afford it! It's the truth.

Slightlyperturbedowlagain Sat 18-Feb-17 08:59:21

Always best to be honest in my opinion and say you just can't afford it.

harderandharder2breathe Sat 18-Feb-17 09:13:24

I don't think you can suggest splitting it 50:50 but you can say actually we can't afford to go away, they may offer a different split or they may not. They're not obliged to though

bumblebeet Sat 18-Feb-17 09:21:34

Chucksnowballs they love spending time with the kids too, they read them stories and play games with them. They are notoriously tight though. Not that I'm saying they should pay more but they always take out a calculator if we go for dinner, I give them money if they take the kids out for the day or money for takeaway if they babysit.

bumblebeet Sat 18-Feb-17 09:22:52

I think I will just say sorry but we can't afford it.

Creampastry Sat 18-Feb-17 09:22:54

Sod that for a game of laughs, just say no.

Leggit Sat 18-Feb-17 09:22:57

No, you can't expect them to subsidise your family's breaks. If you can't afford it, don't go.

Bluntness100 Sat 18-Feb-17 09:26:06

Well if they are cost concious i can't believe you even considered asking. It also puts them in an awkward position. Difficult to say no and would cause resentment. Basically you would be asking them for money. Honestly, I'd be really embarrassed to ask someone to pay towards my hols.

expatinscotland Sat 18-Feb-17 09:26:08

I can't believe they take money from you to take the kids out when they know you're skint.

formerbabe Sat 18-Feb-17 09:27:24

Just tell them you can't afford it and see if they offer?

expatinscotland Sat 18-Feb-17 09:27:30

They're not 'cost conscious', they're tight. Why be embarrassed to say, 'I can't afford it' when you can't!?

Bettyspants Sat 18-Feb-17 09:31:26

Just be honest! It's lovely they want to spend time with you all but I think some people underestimate costs and affordability for others when they are comfortable themselves. I would say that you would really love to (if that's the truth) but you just can't afford it at the moment

bumblebeet Sat 18-Feb-17 09:31:57

We aren't skint but we don't have enough to save money for anything. They don't ask for money when they take kids out but they don't refuse it.
I'm not embarrassed to say we can't afford it, just it would actually be nice to go away with them and I'm pretty sure they won't offer so if I say that then we just don't go.

bumblebeet Sat 18-Feb-17 09:34:07

I've just sent a text to say sorry but we can't afford it .

expatinscotland Sat 18-Feb-17 09:34:29

Then you just don't go! Why on Earth are you doing this for them when you can't afford it?! 'It's lovely to get away with you all but we just can't afford it.' They can do stuff without going away.

CecilyP Sat 18-Feb-17 09:36:58

If it is for hire of a cottage, I don't think it unreasonable to split the cost two ways. Obviously, if it is a holiday where you pay per person, you have to at for your ownDC.

Somehowsomewhere Sat 18-Feb-17 09:37:48

We have a similar ish scenario with SIL and her DP and we just say sorry, we can't afford it (if that's the case). If that means it doesn't happen then that's fine. There's lots of things I'd like to do but don't, because we can't afford it, and this is one of them.

bumblebeet Sat 18-Feb-17 09:39:42

It would be a cottage or air bnb sort of thing

bumblebeet Sat 18-Feb-17 09:40:45

She has text back ' okay, I understand, maybe next year'

expatinscotland Sat 18-Feb-17 09:42:48

Then you leave it till next year and tell her the same thing. STOP feeling bad about it.

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