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To ask whether you would judge someone who did not live with their children due to SS?

(164 Posts)
SharkiraSharkira Fri 17-Feb-17 17:50:01

Assuming you only knew this and no other information about the situation? Would you automatically judge that they had done something wrong?

Just curious as there have been a few SS related threads recently and it's aroused my curiosity.

Foldedtshirt Fri 17-Feb-17 17:52:53

I'd guess that something had gone very wrong in her past. I wouldn't think she was a bad person.

expatinscotland Fri 17-Feb-17 17:53:52

I'd figure the parent had serious illness/addiction or criminality in their past.

unlimiteddilutingjuice Fri 17-Feb-17 17:54:12

I have a friend in this situation. I don't judge her.

Saucery Fri 17-Feb-17 17:54:41

No, as I wouldn't know why. I would judge them on their behaviour as I know them now.

Gileswithachainsaw Fri 17-Feb-17 17:55:22

Well I'd assume it could be any number of reasons and I'd hold off till I actually knew what happened.

Except it wouldn't really be my business so I guess I'd never know

WorraLiberty Fri 17-Feb-17 17:56:10

I would assume the parents were unable to look after the children

But I wouldn't judge unless I knew exactly why that was.

Merlin40 Fri 17-Feb-17 17:56:14

I probably would judge until I knew the full story. None loses their children lightly. Doesn't necessarily make them a bad person though - as mentioned above could be due to addictions/mental health.

creampinkrose Fri 17-Feb-17 17:56:23

I wouldn't assume SS were wrong to remove the children, which is what you mean, I think.

PatMullins Fri 17-Feb-17 17:56:48

Define 'wrong', though. Do you mean abuse? Neglect? Or addiction/mental health issues?

JellyWitch Fri 17-Feb-17 17:56:59

I have a friend in that situation too. I don't judge but she has been witch hunted by other mothers when they found out.

creampinkrose Fri 17-Feb-17 17:57:30

They sound like nice people hmm

What, precisely, are they hoping to achieve?

PatMullins Fri 17-Feb-17 17:58:03

I would probably assume SS were probably right to remove the children.

Gallavich Fri 17-Feb-17 17:58:04

I would assume that they had significant difficulties that have impacted on their parenting sufficiently for their children to be removed. I wouldn't t view it in terms of 'something wrong'.

RortyCrankle Fri 17-Feb-17 17:58:52

Without knowing anything further I wouldn't judge or think she was a bad person. I would feel sorry for her having to live apart from her children.

WannaBe Fri 17-Feb-17 17:59:13

I would assume that the reasons were theirs to tel and wouldn't pry. Would assume that there were issues/criminality in the past.

However, while I wouldn't judge, I wouldn't ever ask them to look after my children either.

My DP grew up in care because of his parents' action. Severe abuse which left him with life-long disability. However, prior to all the children from that relationship being removed his mother had subsequent children and they grew up with her.

I judge her for the abuse my DP suffered at her hands. And there is no way she will ever be welcome anywhere near any of my family,.

DixieNormas Fri 17-Feb-17 17:59:36

No, not without knowing the reason the dc were removed.

creampinkrose Fri 17-Feb-17 18:00:14

Its also worth remembering middle class children can suffer terribly without SS intervention.

SaucyJack Fri 17-Feb-17 18:01:14

Yeah, I guess I'd judge them as a crappy parent who wasn't capable of caring enough to put the effort in to try and change.

Not necessarily a bad thing tho. Motherhood isn't for everybody- and it's a bitch when you don't realise it until you've sprogged.

Better the child is being looked after.

UnbornMortificado Fri 17-Feb-17 18:01:30

I wouldn't judge, I have a friend who (fairly imo) doesn't have her children. I wouldn't think children's services were at fault either, children don't get taken away from their parents lightly.

Not being able to cope with parenting doesn't make automatically make you an evil person.

Pippin8 Fri 17-Feb-17 18:02:14

I'm not a SW, but work in health related safeguarding role. It's very difficult to get children removed.

I have seen cases when children need removing asap & arent & cases where children are removed for much lesser reasons. I wouldn't necessarily judge as the reasons differ so widely.

TaliDiNozzo Fri 17-Feb-17 18:02:55

No I don't think I would judge but I say that as someone with a friend who has SS involvement with her children. She's 'ineffective' as a mother but not abusive or wilfully neglectful and it's very much due to her pretty awful upbringing. I feel sad for the DCs and for my friend but I don't judge.

I'd like to think I'd take the same approach with a stranger.

SharkiraSharkira Fri 17-Feb-17 18:04:52

No, not necessarily cream. I used to know someone who was in this situation, she had 3 kids who had been adopted but never elaborated why. I never asked and I didn't judge her but she said a LOT of other mothers did without knowing any of the details which I thought was a bit unfair. I mostly felt sorry for her as you could tell it pained her to not live with all her kids. She had a lot of trouble making female friends due to her past involvement with SS.

Trollspoopglitter Fri 17-Feb-17 18:06:24

Isn't that basically what having children removed by SS is? You were judged to be an unfit parent (for whatever reason)?

restofthetimes Fri 17-Feb-17 18:08:47

A massive judgement has already been made on her by SS, and I'm not sure my thinking would significantly challenge that. Unless I knew about mitigating circs, I'd probably avoid.

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