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To TTC when DH would have to spend a lot of time away?

(20 Posts)
ShugAvery1 Fri 17-Feb-17 17:23:43

DH and I really want a baby. I've wanted one for a while but DH wasn't so sure now he REALLY wants one. I have a child from a previous relationship.

We have discussed TTC now but DHs job means he'd be away a lot when I'm pregnant/when the baby was a newborn. I've been a single mum before and know I can do the newborn stuff, I'd be happy to go ahead but are we being stupid and or selfish about this? I'm worried my desire for a baby is blurring my vision.

DeterminedToChange Fri 17-Feb-17 17:27:52

How old are you both now?

ShugAvery1 Fri 17-Feb-17 17:35:54

I'm 25 DH is almost 28 so time is still on our side.

Worried61 Fri 17-Feb-17 17:36:57

How long is him working away likely to last?

MrsEvadneCake Fri 17-Feb-17 17:48:16

We had children then he had to start working away. They were 4 and 1 when he did. He will have to be sure to be very involved when he is home so that the children see him as a care giver too. That's just my opinion. If my DH could he would have chosen not to be away. He missed so much.

DrivingMeBonkers Fri 17-Feb-17 18:38:58

How do you think military couples manage, or those on oil rigs etc?

MatildaTheCat Fri 17-Feb-17 18:50:13

Depends on whether the working away is temporary or likely to be long term. If he's really keen it would be sad for him to miss out on the newborn stages. And you might appreciate the help both in pregnancy and afterwards.

ImsotiredImsotired Fri 17-Feb-17 18:59:04

OH works offshore 4 weeks on/off. You just get into a routine and manage. Then when OH comes home the routine goes out the window hmm

ShugAvery1 Fri 17-Feb-17 18:59:43

If I got pregnant right now DH would likely be able to be around more by the time the baby is about 9 months old. right now we try to see him every weekend but it's not always practical. I was ok with waiting but now he's old me he really wants one it's all I can think about!

ShugAvery1 Fri 17-Feb-17 18:59:56

Told me* not old me, sorry

Artandco Fri 17-Feb-17 19:00:58

I wouldn't yet. At 25 how many years have you been together? I would want to be together at least 5-6 years before considering a child with someone

ShugAvery1 Fri 17-Feb-17 19:07:10

Artandco we have been together 5 years, married for 1

Maryann1975 Fri 17-Feb-17 19:26:23

My DH was away a lot when our children were little, he was in the raf at the time. I coped as thousands of military wives do every day. It was hard, of course it was, but manageable. I found I had different ways of doing things when I was by myself, to make things easier. I think waiting for the perfect time to have a baby, may mean it never happens (at least in our case it wouldn't have, we went from dh going away for months at a time, but having a good salary, to dh retiring from the military, being at home all the time and unemployed and us financially struggling and now him working a shift job which is hard to plan around and us being financially ok).

ShugAvery1 Fri 17-Feb-17 21:06:56

True, is there ever a 'right' time? My friends and family will think we're craZy

Allthewaves Fri 17-Feb-17 21:49:19

Why don't you get to see him every weekend? Is his work ever going to change

imkindofalwaysright Fri 17-Feb-17 21:53:59

My DH worked away from when my dd was one until she was 2. I had (and still have) a full time job.

Bloody hard work running a house, working full time and looking after a baby after a long day and being up at night if they're not well.

It can be very lonely - that's my abiding memory (apart from the stress and tiredness)

EmilyRosanne Fri 17-Feb-17 21:59:07

If your DH would be around more at a time in the future (hypothetical pregnancy - baby 9 months old) can you not delay TTC until then?

jcne Sat 18-Feb-17 10:00:31

are we talking about a job where time away is matched by time at home e.g navy, merchant navy etc? my bf is away for a month+ but then he gets the equivalent time off at home so in a way he gets more quality time not just after work tired evening time. 6 of 1, half a dozen of the other as they say.. it doesn't concern me in the slightest

jcne Sat 18-Feb-17 10:01:49

i love it when he's away. baby is not here yet so maybe i'll change my tune. i think we have the best of both worlds.

DarkestBeforeDawn Sat 18-Feb-17 10:05:32

Honestly there could always be a reason not to wait and when is there really ever a 'right' time?! Go for it is my vote, plus you never no how long it will take to conceive.

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