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AIBU to ask this about c sections...

(315 Posts)
pizzafrenchfries Fri 17-Feb-17 11:14:14

So I have another post on here related to a yoga teacher and a debate on c sections and bonding but after speaking to a few other mums in real life I would really like to know...

My son was born by an emergency c section. I was conscious but it all happened very quickly... anyway.... after the birth people constantly asked: 'were you ok with that?' (Having the c section) as if it was an option... my ex yoga teacher implied it would restrict on bonding, and now a few of the mums at one of the mums groups i go to have said a few times about how if you give birth bu c section you miss out on the birth/ it's harder to heal from a birth/ birth is a beautiful experience you can't share if you're having a c section etc etc.

So basically my question is am I being unreasonable to think that most of the time a c section isn't an option and so asking if you minded having one is a redundant question?! Why do people feel if it's not a vaginal birth it's not a 'proper' one or you haven't suffered enough? And do people really think (like my ex yoga teacher) that vaginal birth is the only way and are actually 'against' c sections?! If so what happens if labor doesn't progress do they honestly believe you should die?

shineon Fri 17-Feb-17 11:17:43

Tell them to fuck off ;)
Sorry that condescending attitude really annoys me. Who gives a toss what way it comes out! Its a baby, your the mother end of

KittyCatKittyCat Fri 17-Feb-17 11:18:28

I've had both. I was too traumatised after my 'real' birth to bond, and I still worry about the long term impacts of it all now on my mental and physical health, and my relationship with DC1. DC2 was a cesarean, much calmer, less traumatic by far, healed so much better, bonded a million miles better.

Tell your yoga teacher to fuck off really. What a twat.

Helbelle75 Fri 17-Feb-17 11:18:40

I think as long story you and baby get through the birth safely, it doesn't matter a jot. I'm expecting my first in April, and would prefer a vaginal birth, but if the best option for baby is a c section, then that would be fine.
My mum had emergency c sections with both my sister and I and we are incredibly close. Always have been.
Tbh I think people should keep their big noses out and stop being so blooming opinionated and self- righteous!

GoesDownLikeACupOfColdSick Fri 17-Feb-17 11:19:15

My friend had a c section and really felt she'd let herself down by not having a natural birth. It was so sad that she felt that way. The main thing is that she and the baby are both fine - what else matters in comparison? We do give ourselves a hard time sometimes.

Helbelle75 Fri 17-Feb-17 11:19:19

^ as long as. Stupid auto correct

GoesDownLikeACupOfColdSick Fri 17-Feb-17 11:19:42

(I had a c section btw, didn't bother me!!)

Pettywoman Fri 17-Feb-17 11:20:27

Huge, massive, gigantic, festering loads of absolute BOLLOCKS! I had two sections. It matters not a jot.

sotiredbutworthit Fri 17-Feb-17 11:21:07

I had both my kids by c-section. They are here and they are healthy. I love them both more than life itself. We have a wonderful bond. Would I have liked a "normal" birth? Yes, but I'd like alive, healthy kids more. If you have created a whole new life and nurtured it - then you have given birth. Doesn't matter how they came out really.

leedy Fri 17-Feb-17 11:22:02

Urgh, tell them to piss off. Yes, in general a vaginal birth is safer/easier to recover from/how things should normally go; on the other hand if I hadn't had a C-section with DS2 I would have died of pre-eclampsia, and personally I am voting for "not dead" over "natural process". Bonded with both my kids just fine.

KayTee87 Fri 17-Feb-17 11:22:04

After my back to back labour, rotational forceps, manual manipulation, tear, episiotomy and forceps with ongoing problems I'll be asking for c-section if I have another child. Vaginal birth can be horrific and is certainly not all it's cracked up to be. I couldn't hold my son for ages after he was born as I was shaking so badly and on oxygen. He also couldn't latch as his face was so badly swollen and bruised from the forceps. What is so good about that?

Olympiathequeen Fri 17-Feb-17 11:22:09

2 c sections here. First emergency and second planned. Anyone suggesting I haven't bonded with either of my children (both extended bf) are talking bollocks. Utter, total rubbish.

OneWithTheForce Fri 17-Feb-17 11:22:44

Hi Op. I remember your other thread. Having read that and now this I have to say I think you are obsessing a bit over this and I wonder if you are the one who is having the issue coming to terms with having had a section. Would you consider having some counselling to help you work through these feelings?

999UserAlert Fri 17-Feb-17 11:22:52

I've had 2 vaginal births and 2 csections. I don't think it makes a huge difference with bonding, or any difference at all really. But, there is something (in my opinion) about going through the process of a natural childbirth that can make a csection feel a somewhat artificial experience to look back on.

maras2 Fri 17-Feb-17 11:22:59

These people need to keep their mouths shut.
How unkind to spout this crap to anyone,especially a new mum. shock
Nasty ratbags.angry

namechange20050 Fri 17-Feb-17 11:23:12

I don't know anyone who thought birth was beautiful! That's great for the people who do but it's not common.

I've had a few people make faces (for want of a better expression) when I said I had a section. I just respond by saying I loved my section, it was great! Totally takes the wind out of their sales grin

CaravanOnCraggyIsland Fri 17-Feb-17 11:23:29

C-sections save lives, yeah maybe in an ideal world everyone would have a physiological vaginal birth. However, we're not in an ideal world and labour is such an unknown for many people. The yoga teacher is not tuned into reality FM and needs to adjust her thinking. I've seen many of my friends who've chosen to have an elective section due to a previous bad birth. It can be a very healing positive experience for a lot of people. So she can sod off in my opinion.

5BlueHydrangea Fri 17-Feb-17 11:23:33

Healthy baby, healthy Mum. That's what counts. Although I did feel a bit like I needed to apologise to the world for having a c section with dd2. Did feel quite disappointed for a while.Was short lived though!
Not like most people would go through major surgery for no good reason..

namechange20050 Fri 17-Feb-17 11:23:36

Sails! Duh!

FlouncingInAWinterWonderland Fri 17-Feb-17 11:25:37

A traumatic birth and exhaustion make bonding more challenging. My first emergency c-section came after 2 days labour. I was exhausted, there were painful complications with my pelvis, I lost a lot of blood.

My third (of three in total) was preplanned, I was rested, it was fast, DD went straight for a feed before I was stitched up, she's always loved her food. I was home 48 hrs later looking after all three DC.

It's insensitive and an ill thought out comment. Like so many righteous bits of parenting advice we receive like personal questions about why you are/ aren't breast feeding.

MiddlingMum Fri 17-Feb-17 11:25:52

What a lot of nonsense.
With me the options were (i) C section, or (ii) me and the babies die.

I never had the slightest problems with bonding. Ignore and enjoy your baby.

Birdsgottaf1y Fri 17-Feb-17 11:25:54

I would have told her how I felt about her comments.

There's a difference between not liking the trend of persuading Women that C-Sections were the way to go (which I've had relatives/friends experience in the US) and generally being anti.

If you read the research, it seems to be any traumatic happening (Emergency C-Section/Forceps, early labour, SCBU) is the common factor around bonding, not necessarily planned Sections.

It was opinions like this around needed medical interventions, of any sort that put me off structured yoga/meditation etc.

namechange20050 Fri 17-Feb-17 11:26:17

I don't really agree with saying that in an ideal world everyone would have a VB. Why is that? Surely in an ideal world each and every woman would have the choice of how she gives birth. From naked and howling at the moon to in a operating theatre.

BagelDog Fri 17-Feb-17 11:26:30

3 sections, one a real emergency, one not planned but there was no their way he would have got out, and a lovely elective one at which it definitely became obvious trying to deliver another route would have been catastrophic... the elective especially was lovely, but not a choice. A couple of friends had normal deliveries but either a bit traumatic or one with an awful infection in her sutures afterwards that took weeks to heal - she had a lovely waterbirth, but all the problems after definitely slowed the bonding process. So sections are often not a choice. And it isn't the section that affects bonding, I think any difficult delivery or difficult recovery does that. Planned section with skin to skin in theatre and a baby who latched himself on long before I was stitched up felt pretty ideal tbh!

OpalIridescence Fri 17-Feb-17 11:27:58

I have had both types of births.
Both very different experiences, neither one enjoyable!
It is absolutely not anyone elses business how you give birth. This is part of the competition alot of people seem to see parenting as.
I do feel it begins at booking in with midwives who are very encouraging of a 'natural' birth and then NCT type classes who almost present birth as a tick list of choices.
Most first time mother's that present in labour with their birth plan are quickly disabused of that notion and in ,actual fact, should and do take whichever path keeps their baby and themselves safe.
I feel there needs to be a real change in the way a successful birth is one without pain relief and only vaginally.
Each birth is slightly different, the only person with the right to an opinion on it is the woman who gave birth.

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