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I don't want an all expenses paid trip to Paris.

(238 Posts)
user1484226561 Fri 17-Feb-17 10:49:09

My friend, who has very few friends other than me, and is epileptic wants me to go to Paris with her to look after her on the journey. She has two meetings she has to attend with french relatives and solicitors, about a probate, and she is worried about being bullied and wants not only a travelling companion but an advocate with her in the meetings.

the meetings are two days apart during the Easter holidays.

She is offering me free flights, free hotel, and free choice of what we do on the day in between. She is very upset that I have said I'm busy, and hs no one else to ask.

I don't want to go.
I don't want to waste my holiday time on this.
I don't want to change my other arrangements and commitments
I don't speak or understand French and the meetings will be in French
I don't think I can afford the "extra's" that are going to come up, restaurants, taxi fairs, etc.
And I don't want to go.

angry angry angry angry angry

and I need to make a definite decision and I'm wobbling towards, well it would be a kind and helpful thing to do, and some of it might be fun.

But I'm wishing she hadn't asked me.

gleam Fri 17-Feb-17 11:06:40

How does she expect you to help in the meetings, if they're in French?

Shoxfordian Fri 17-Feb-17 11:11:28

There's no obligation on you to go and if you feel that strongly about it then you probably shouldn't and your friend should take someone else who would appreciate it.

user1477282676 Fri 17-Feb-17 11:14:35

Message deleted by MNHQ for disablism - here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

PageStillNotFound404 Fri 17-Feb-17 11:14:41

You're going to be of limited help though if you don't speak French!

Does she have to intend in person? Can she not arrange the meetings to take place via Skype and spend the money she would have spent on travelling expenses to engage an intepreter to sit in on her at this end?

PageStillNotFound404 Fri 17-Feb-17 11:15:20

With her, not on her. That would be both uncomfortable and overly familiar grin

TheViceOfReason Fri 17-Feb-17 11:15:28

It's not about having an all expenses paid trip to Paris, it's about being there to support a friend.

If you don't want to go then don't go - i'd hate to think that someone i was hoping was supporting me was inwardly massively resenting it.

But god forbid you're ever in a situation where you need help.

PageStillNotFound404 Fri 17-Feb-17 11:16:51

FFS, attend.

Birdsgottaf1y Fri 17-Feb-17 11:17:18

Is it the meetings that are an issue, or the travelling, as well?

She could hire someone over there to go with her, who is bilingual.

Unless I was really short on holiday/time off, I'd do it for a friend, but would tell her that I need a set budget.

HunterHearstHelmsley Fri 17-Feb-17 11:17:39

Well if you can't speak French then surely it's a little pointless anyway. It's not all expenses paid either, if you have to pay expenses.

QuiteLikely5 Fri 17-Feb-17 11:17:41

If she's a good friend you should do it. If not you and her ain't going to be good friends anymore.

You sound very resentful that she's even bothered to ask you.

Hellmouth Fri 17-Feb-17 11:18:14

I'll be her friend instead then.

ImNotOkayyy Fri 17-Feb-17 11:18:40

Wow. What a lovely friend you are hmm

PopcornBits Fri 17-Feb-17 11:19:04

You should just be a nice friend and go, she clearly needs your help. Don't be rotten about it.

SparkleTwinkleGoldGlitter Fri 17-Feb-17 11:19:51

If it was a god friend and she was asking for help I would go. We all need support sometimes don't we, and one day it might be me in need on help.

omnishamblesssssssssssssss Fri 17-Feb-17 11:20:01

I would for a good friend. Which bit are you struggling with most

AnUtterIdiot Fri 17-Feb-17 11:21:01

Unless you've got specific plans for your holiday time that mean you can't spare it, I would go. I probably would tell her that she needs to be paying for any taxis that you take, though, if you wouldn't be taking them otherwise.

Why do the meetings have to be in French? That's ridiculous. Surely someone there will be translating for her.

AnUtterIdiot Fri 17-Feb-17 11:21:35

I mean, it's obviously not ridiculous to have a meeting in French in France, but if someone's there who's not a French speaker but needs to participate then there should be someone there who can translate and I would have thought the lawyer would arrange that.

shineon Fri 17-Feb-17 11:21:39

Don't go. You clearly dont want to. Your under no obligation. She has no right to be annoyed your time is your own to do as you please.

MadMags Fri 17-Feb-17 11:22:00

Do you have dc and you don't want to use up precious holiday time??

BaconMaker Fri 17-Feb-17 11:22:32

Do you think she'd help you if the tables were turned? I agree with others - if she's a good friend do it as a favour - it might even be fun. If you're not that bothered then gently explain that you can't but be ready to accept that it might mean your friendships distances in the future.

GloriousGoosebumps Fri 17-Feb-17 11:23:02

I don't think you should have to go if you really don't want to. I'd suggest that she instructs French lawyers to accompany her to the meeting and represent her; they'd probably be far more use than you. I'm also wondering why she needs to have a face to face meeting anyway. Why can't the french lawyers and relatives post / email / fax documents to her in the UK for consideration or signature? Once she has her own French lawyers acting on her behalf she'll probably find it far easier to find someone who's happy to accompany her in return for a free break in Paris.

ProseccoBitch Fri 17-Feb-17 11:25:42

I'm glad you're not my 'friend' 🙄

Damselindestress Fri 17-Feb-17 11:26:02

Well you won't be an effective advocate in the legal meetings if you don't speak the language, she'd be be better off hiring an interpreter. Also it doesn't sound like you are that close because you are focusing on the 'all expenses paid trip' part of it rather than the fact that a friend needs your help and you see spending time with her as a waste of your holiday time. So don't go because she will probably pick up on your resentment and it will be awkward for everyone.

Auntymildred Fri 17-Feb-17 11:27:16

YANBU - you are essentially going as her assistant rather than her friend, and you are being "paid" in the free flights and hotel. You have the right to politely turn it down if you don't want to do it and can't afford the extra stuff and it's not really fair of her to make you feel guilty if you have said you have other plans. She would be better off finding someone who speaks French and wants to go - she has plenty of time, but won't if you keep having to spend that time making "final decisions" because she is upset you can't go.

If you do decide you want to go I would be honest about the fact that you will find it difficult to afford meals out etc so that she is clear about that.

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