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I'm sick and partner won't look after daughter

(84 Posts)
smellyhouseelf Fri 17-Feb-17 10:14:19

There is a massive back story, but it's basically what you've heard before about lazy partners and emotional abuse, but today I'm at the end of my tether. I started with a sickness bug last night and have been up all through the night with it. This morning, dd age 2 woke up at 5.30. After listening to her play on her own for a while she began to moan and shout for us. I asked partner to please get up with her. He went and opened her door and let her get in bed with us. There was no way she would go back to sleep and he went straight back to sleep ignoring me when I asked him to take her downstairs. So I got up with her around 6.15. He has only just got out of bed and has shouted at me saying I spoil her by getting up with her and it's not his fault I chose to get up. I am so sick of the way he treats me. Anyway I'm due to go stay with family this weekend, and I'm thinking of just staying there for good. Coming back next week with a van to pack my things. It feels like the last straw. But I don't want to tell him my plan until I come back to pack, as I think he will make it very difficult to leave. Family say I can stay with them with the kids until I find somewhere to live. Part of me feels guilty, so I really just need telling I'm doing the right thing. Am I?

PragmaticWench Fri 17-Feb-17 10:17:13

You really don't need anyone to tell you, you KNOW it's a bad situation for you and to raise your DD in.

Be strong, stay calm and do it for your DD.

Prawnofthepatriarchy Fri 17-Feb-17 10:18:33

Get out if you need to. This particular incident doesn't sound very terrible but, as you say, there's a lot of back story. If you're that unhappy, go home. It'll be less traumatic for your DD if you do it now than when she's older.

SmellySphinx Fri 17-Feb-17 10:19:14

Yes you are!

user1477282676 Fri 17-Feb-17 10:21:38

YANBU he's an arse! Can you come back with the van when he's not in?

ginnybag Fri 17-Feb-17 10:23:06

You absolutely are doing the right thing.

I wouldn't have needed to ask my DH to get up. He'd have been out of bed as soon as she shouted for two reasons:

1. So she didn't disturb me
2. To keep her away from me, to try and prevent her catching it.

His behaviour just told you that not only does he think he's more important than you, he thinks he's more important than her, too.

SuperFlyHigh Fri 17-Feb-17 10:41:31

Another LTB the bastard from me, in itself the situation is not terrible but with the back story it's certainly worse.

As user1477 says can't you come back with a van when he isn't there?

MatildaTheCat Fri 17-Feb-17 10:44:25

Make sure you vomit over the bed and all over the bathroom before you slam the door shut. She sounds dreadful and you've clearly been planning to leave anyway.

Go but take all important stuff with you in case he makes it difficult for you to come back to collect the rest.

Luciferthethird Fri 17-Feb-17 10:45:18

Also if your family are willing to put themselves out with you and the Dc's coming to live with them they must see the situation as as being pretty dire, that's just my opinion as an introvert.

MrsJayy Fri 17-Feb-17 10:47:09

If you have reached the end you have reached the end just leave him I am so sorry he is treating you like this. Just do what you said you dont need to explain it to anybody good luck and i hope your bug clears up.

Fortheloveofdog Fri 17-Feb-17 10:47:15

Yy, to taking everything important with you on first trip. Birth certificates, financial documents and any passports. Go over to the relationship boards for good practical advice.
Hope you feel better, but I think this bug has done you a favour if it saves you from him...

Chloe84 Fri 17-Feb-17 10:50:56

You have absolutely made the right decision. For you and your daughter. Good luck!

It sounds like someone will be with you when you come back with the van to get your stuff?

YetAnotherSpartacus Fri 17-Feb-17 10:53:55


EweAreHere Fri 17-Feb-17 10:59:32

So after being up half the night with a sick bug, not only will he not get up with her so she doesn't disturb you, he has her join you in bed so she can be more exposed to the sick bug, too?!?!

Don't tell him a thing. Get the van, pack up your stuff, and go. You don't need someone like that in your life.

midsummabreak Fri 17-Feb-17 11:02:10

I think this bug has done you a favour if it saves you from him... .


Thank goodness you caught that particular bug then . Should call it the 'Saved from a lifetime with a selfish bastard Bug'

S1lentAllTheseYears Fri 17-Feb-17 11:03:52

Yanbu. That's really crap.

Can you quietly get important documents together and take them with you this weekend? Good idea not to say anything until you've got the children safely away. Would some male relatives come back with you to help pack and act as back up?

Mommasoph30 Fri 17-Feb-17 11:06:17

what a prick, get rid you be better on your own X

Olympiathequeen Fri 17-Feb-17 11:06:59

Go and stay away. Return with 2 beefy male relatives to collect your things or do it while he is at work.

NavyandWhite Fri 17-Feb-17 11:12:22

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Carollocking Fri 17-Feb-17 11:13:46

Leave ,come back with can and pack when he's out at work or wherever then there's no confrontation while you pack

midsummabreak Fri 17-Feb-17 11:14:27

Instead of 'manflu' you have 'goodriddanceselfishmanflu'
I do hope you feel better soon from your virus
I hope with family and friends support you can start again without such a selfish partner to drag you down xxxxoooo

The80sweregreat Fri 17-Feb-17 11:16:20

Its so sad when i read threads like this, but its obviously the last straw for you.
Make sure that you take all the essentials, passports, money, cards, paperwork too - anything you may need after you leave may be difficult to get back.
Good luck, lots of support on here from people who have been there.
hope you feel better soon. Glad your family are being supportive/

daisychain01 Fri 17-Feb-17 11:17:17

Although it's tempting to do nasty things, don't do anything deliberately destructive just to pay him back. Take your things and do what you need to, to get away, but do it in a way you'll be proud of and never need to feel ashamed of, in your future life.

And there is a wonderful future life for you and DD once all this awful part is over.

ThumbWitchesAbroad Fri 17-Feb-17 11:21:47

yes, you're doing the right thing and NO you absolutely don't need to either feel guilty or tell him.

Great plan - go off to your family, come back with a van and as many male relatives/friends as you can muster and LEAVE the selfish prick.

thanks for you - hope you feel better soon. x

Kevinbaconsrealwife Fri 17-Feb-17 11:26:01

It's another yes from me, how dare he treat you like're well rid....have a good break next week and go for it...xx

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