Got a lot going on at the moment and DH is dragging me to the depths of insanity. There's a few things I would like an opinion on if possible.
We got a bigger house which means we both have our own room with en-suite. We've been married a long time, so we've been in the 'friends' stage a while. We both work full time professional jobs of equal importance.
I'm aware he's friendly with other women, It was either embrace it, or don't. We wanted to co-parent, so the bigger house appeared ideal. We both also have our own spaces, plus a family room where we congregate when our children are awake.
New house, new school. His hours means he can do the school run on certain days as he can work from home. One child made a friend and it was a slight love/hate relationship. DH speaks to the Mum, so after a rather nasty incident when DC was more timid, he was picked on and got upset. I advocated we just cease contact with the family, but DH had other ideas. DC was given a card and present to say sorry, I'm all for second chances.
DC has had a bit of at attitude change from being meek & mild to being rather bolshy & moody. I can't say I'm overly impressed, neither is the sibling. DC ended up in trouble a month ago, DH was calling this teacher all the names under the sun. I felt it was OTT for what was a slight misunderstanding. It turned out DC's friend had been disciplined by same teacher, I know he's friends with the Mum, it feels he's invested if that makes sense.
I asked DH what this child's SEN were, as I was curious more than anything, but also wondered if DC was picking up bad habits from the child. I got told in a not so nice way to keep my nose out. As a parent your mind runs away with you, I am concerned as they grow older together, if DC's behaviour continues on this trajectory it could be problematic.
I appreciate that DH feels he's in control of the situation, I don't see if he knows, why I can't be told. It would give me a better understanding. I know the child has had a troubled past so is afforded sympathy, is it too much to ask to know more about children who spend a lot of time together?
The sibling is picking up on the change and is commenting on it, they used to have a good relationship, with usual sibling quarrels. One example, DH told DC off, we have different parenting styles, a bit like good cop, bad cop. DC looked annoyed, so I went to put my arm round them and he shot me a look and said leave me alone. This is after we had a nice morning together. I went to do something and other DC said you can cuddle me Mummy, are we still doing 'X' later, DC1 said to DC2 more or less DC2 was sucking up to me and looking perfect.
I have no bias, both DC1 & 2 are treated equally. I don't agree with smacking or screaming your head off, you get better results explaining why a negative behaviour is negative.
It sounds OTT but I worry about children that do really bad things, I know DC1 wants to be cool and with the in crowd. It slights me this is at the cost of what was once really good behaviour. The two are separated in class as they misbehave when together, so to me it's going as far as silly behaviours are impacting educationally. DH won't hear a bad word about the child in question.
DH can be chauvinistic, with problems at school he's the man so he deals with them. I try and put a point across we're both equal, but it goes in one ear and out the other. I wouldn't mind so much if he didn't make himself out to be such a martyr. He does DC1's main hobby, whilst I do DC2's, plus they have swimming together but DH insists on doing that, there's no need for both of us apparently.
A few times I've been left speechless and somewhat upset by his attitude and what he says about me. I've suggested DC2 & I watch DC1, DC2 is welcome, but surely I have better things to do? I'm not Mary Poppins, we have a cleaner 3 times a week, plus the same person does laundry. It comes out of my spending money, it doesn't make sense to spend the weekend doing a full clean, I'd rather pay for this woman to give the house a once over, plus do work clothes, casual clothes and bedding/towels. The uniforms, our underwear and sporting kits get washed by me on a Friday/Saturday, then ironing on a Saturday night.
We both work hard and both spend our 'spare cash' after bills & savings on what we want. I like the cleaner as she's totally lovely and is really thorough. with the laundry it's a case of putting into wardrobes & drawers.
I should add DH goes out twice a week of an evening. I've suggested a babysitter, it's always a big no.
So AIBU to want to know more about this friend. I know it's normal to worry about our children's behaviour.
AIBU to spend my hard earned cash alleviating me of spending a whole day cleaning, as I believe weekends ideally are for family time.
What would you do with a DH who appears to be embarrassed being seen with you?
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AIBU?
Feeling a bit desperate
9 replies
ElvishArchdruid · 17/02/2017 01:54
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