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Inheritance AIBU

(258 Posts)
WayfaringStranger Thu 16-Feb-17 21:26:15

I am neither the mother nor the adult children but this situation is causing a shitstorm in our family. I've changed a few details to make this less identifiable. Mother has sadly been diagnosed with a terminal illness. She's in the process of sorting out her affairs. She has a few grand in savings but a property worth around £200k. She split from the children's father when they were little and they've seen neither hide nor hair of him.

There are two adult children in their late 20s. DD is married with a baby. They struggle financially, not unusual for a young couple with a child. DS is disabled (physical and mental health problems), cannot work and has never moved out of the family home.

Mother told the children of her intention to split everything down the middle. DD and her husband will be able to use her half as a deposit and get a mortgage. DS is not going to be able to afford to buy in the area. He feels he cannot move out the area because he'll lose the support from the extended family. He is terrified about moving out of the home he has lived in all his life. He worries it might make his mental health problems worse. Mother then proposed giving him lifetime tenancy. DD feels this is unfair as it ties up her inheritance. Neither sibling are particularly close but both see each other's point of view.

My gut feeling is that DS needs financial advice to ensure financial security for him. I think the house should be sold after their mother has gone. I think DD needs to agree to give her brother some time to adjust.

harderandharder2breathe Thu 16-Feb-17 21:30:04

I think a fixed period of time after she dies that DS stays in the house, after which it will be sold and he will have to move is a compromise. Lifetime tenancy is unfair to DD.

Definitely the family needs legal and financial advice to protect DS while not effectively disinheriting DD

MojitoMollie Thu 16-Feb-17 21:31:47

very very tough - the money will make a life changing difference to the DD, but also to sell the house will negatively affect the DS - there is no good answer

does DS get assistance with DLA (or what ever it is now)

Could DD maybe take half her half now? (ie 50k), leaving DS with 150K to get a one bed somewhere? and her offspring would be sole beneficiaries of his will? would that work?

i dont know where you are and what the house prices are like

Floralnomad Thu 16-Feb-17 21:34:51

Is the son capable of living independently ?

Bluntness100 Thu 16-Feb-17 21:35:36

I also think lifetime tenancy is unfair and wrong, if he has both physical and mental health problems then a better solution than leaving him not just living alone but responsible for the family home should be sought.

Would he be able to maintain the property? If it needed a new boiler could he manage? Can he live on his own? Pay the bills, as examples of things to be considered. Living alone is more than just living there, he would be responsible for maintaining the property to the current standard.

WayfaringStranger Thu 16-Feb-17 21:39:06

I don't honestly know if he could live alone. In theory, yes he could. His quality of life wouldn't be great but I know he won't reach the threshold for social care supported housing or similar. I've helped him with all the benefit forms, so I know he receives ESA and DLA (HR care and LR mobility).

House prices are south east prices. Even if he moved further out, he'd not get much. He'd have to move quite far away to be able to buy. I reckon he'd get a studio flat for £800 per month which means he could live off his £100k for 10 years.

DeterminedToChange Thu 16-Feb-17 21:41:34

Is there any kind of shared ownership scheme available? Does he have a social worker?

ILoveMyMonkey Thu 16-Feb-17 21:41:56

It's a really tricky situation.

As a mother, if I had a disabled son unable to work I'm afraid I would want to protect his security and ensure that he would be able to survive without me, that would trump my dd's want for a deposit.

As a sister, if my sibling was unable to work due to disabilities then I would want to ensure their security too.

The DD is able to work and has a husband who is able to work and while their financial position is tricky while they have a young child that doesn't need to stay that way forever, as the child gets older there will be less childcare needed and both parents can work full time. Presumably the DS will never be able to work and may need carers to help him live.

Tricky situation all round.

CactusFred Thu 16-Feb-17 21:44:45

DS can pay a nice rental deposit with his share, pay his rent for a few years and then claim housing benefit once he's down below the threshold.

I don't see why DD should be penalised because her brother has the problems he has.

WayfaringStranger Thu 16-Feb-17 21:45:03

He doesn't have a social worker but I am one, so have been supporting him a lot. They've always been quite private and managed between them but this has forced them to face facts. Obviously both will hugely miss their mum but I know DS will feel a very different and crushing type of loss and grief. He and his mum are so close. I expect she physically cares for him more than either of them care to admit. As she gets iller, they will both need to accept social work input.

Beachedwh4le Thu 16-Feb-17 21:46:37

Could the DS rent rather than buying, or find sheltered accommodation?

pinkish Thu 16-Feb-17 21:48:16

Poor mother. I think I would sell the house now and buy something small for the ds and give the dd what was left.

QuiteLikely5 Thu 16-Feb-17 21:49:50

I think it should be split down the middle. yes the dd will benefit but he has benefited for years by staying under someone else's roof

Dd did not get that luxury

whatsthepointofmorgan Thu 16-Feb-17 21:50:10

As a mother, I would want both my children to be happy and settled in life.
I wouldn't put one before the other.

DD is married with a baby. They struggle financially,

I would also want future security for my grandchild.

WayfaringStranger Thu 16-Feb-17 21:51:30

Quite I hardly think being so disabled that you can't lead your own independent life is a luxury. hmm

whatsthepointofmorgan Thu 16-Feb-17 21:51:58

The dd has probably had to take a back seat for years (which sadly often happens when one child has a disability).
Why shouldn't her future happiness be just as important now?

(trying to look at it from all angles)

DeterminedToChange Thu 16-Feb-17 21:52:21

I think it would be better that her son goes into sheltered accommodation now, while she's ill. I know it's not what she wants but she could then see his new home and it gives him a bit of time rather than foisting somewhere on him when she dies.

I strongly believe that the money should be split equally between them. Her daughter's life's been affected by her brother's disabilities and she must surely have suffered some loss in attention from her mum. To then be given a smaller sum would be really horrible. The whole amount isn't enough for her son to live off, anyway.

OverOn Thu 16-Feb-17 21:52:43

Could the house be rented out with half the rent going to DS and half to DD? That way DD gets some benefit now, whilst DS gets money towards renting a suitable place for him (I assume he is in a family home now but could downsize to a more manageable flat).

The house could then be sold in 5 years when they have both had time to adjust.

WayfaringStranger Thu 16-Feb-17 21:53:10

Just for info, he became disabled later on in life, as very young adult. He is the youngest and the DD was at university at the time.

bloodyteenagers Thu 16-Feb-17 21:53:37

I know that prices are crazy in the south east, live there.
How much over the 100k would it be for a bedsit/one bed?
Could the sis loan him the extra? They would still be left with 70/80k as a deposit roughly. It's done legally so she has a claim on the house to pay her back that cash.

We have this discussion because of my eldest and the younger ones all agree that they will take care of him between them. Whether its he gets a higher proportion of inheritance or lives between them.

Could that be an option? He lives in an annexe/granny flat type situation with them? So he's there but not as they all have their own separate accommodation, and his 100k is protected?

whatsthepointofmorgan Thu 16-Feb-17 21:54:38

Her daughter's life's been affected by her brother's disabilities and she must surely have suffered some loss in attention from her mum. To then be given a smaller sum would be really horrible.

Exactly.
The mother has two children to consider.
Sheltered accommodation would be for the best.
It could actually cause him more stress and anxiety if he were to stay in the family home as he would be responsible for all the maintenance and bill paying etc.
It doesn't sound as if he would cope very well anyway.

Slimmingsnake Thu 16-Feb-17 21:58:11

How about they all live together,dd supports ds,they all live in the house together,or they sell up and buy one big enough for ds to have his own space,but he still gets support and dd and ds have double the money each for a house.but it's shared...

Witchend Thu 16-Feb-17 21:59:25

The dd has probably had to take a back seat for years (which sadly often happens when one child has a disability).
Why shouldn't her future happiness be just as important now?

I think this is quite an important point. I'll put bets that the dd has had to step back, let herself take second place since childhood. Not blaming the ds for that, but just because of the situation they both find themselves in.
I know for me, dd2 has a minor disability and there are times when the other two have to take a backseat because getting her to medical appointment or similar trumps everything else. She'll probably have a car bought for her as it will need to be adapted for example.

I suspect that feeling of always being put on the back burner may have contributed to her reaction.
But actually as the money will make quite a difference to her too I think she should get some. if she has to wait until he dies until she inherits that amount it probably will be too late for her to get a mortgage too, so it's not like it's just putting it off a few years.

gleam Thu 16-Feb-17 21:59:37

Would the daughter consider buying somewhere with a granny annexe for her brother?

Puzzledandpissedoff Thu 16-Feb-17 21:59:52

As the mum of a DS with physical and mental difficulties, can I suggest he might need careful advice around inheriting anything?

I'm thinking of issues around his entitlement to certain benefits and help, and while there are ways to address this it really does need careful advice

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