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To be angry my mum forgot my daughters birthday

(30 Posts)
sammyjayneex Thu 16-Feb-17 17:56:03

So my 4th daughter turned 5 today. My Mum hasn't even phoned or anything to wish her happy birthday. I know she's forgot her own granddaughters birthday and I know if she had remembered she would have said happy birthday I know that but arnt grandmothers supposed to remember? She's in her 40s and isn't at work or anything Today so she's just forgot. She did the same with my 3rd daughter.. she forgot her birthday on the 29th December and didn't even phone to say happy birthday I didn't even bother reminding her. I know we just had Xmas at the time so I just put it down to the busyness of the year but this time there is just no excuse and it's annoyed me. I don't expect presents or a card but to at least acknowledge it. I don't know if I'm being unreasonable in being angry, I have distanced myself from her recently due to some things I am angry at her about and maybe I'm just taking this a bit personal because of the other things. Am I being unreasonable and wouldn't you just i it remind her or would you say something?

TeenAndTween Thu 16-Feb-17 18:00:28

I never understand these 'forgot birthdays' threads.
When my DD's b-days are coming up I mention it to my parents, brother etc in passing so they don't forget.

Cheerybigbottom Thu 16-Feb-17 18:04:40

Actually I think YANBU. Usually the people who make no effort on other people's birthdays expect a fanfare on their own. I finally last year stopped sending my mum a present after she hasn't sent me any for 20 years, and only on my sons gust birthday (only grandchild, now 5). She was 'bitterly hurt'.

Well there you go eh, sure we don't give to receive, but children are exempt and deserve the fanfare.

Happy birthday to your wee girl cakeflowersgrin she deserves lots of fuss on her special day x

LadyHelenOfShitsville Thu 16-Feb-17 18:06:23

YANBU. As a mother it is natural to want your DCs to feel important to their family. I would call her and ask her if she forgot.

My mother 'forgot' DC4s 1st birthday although I know she did it on purpose because she disapproved of us having a 4th despite having 8 herself! NC now for various reasons.

MrsJayy Thu 16-Feb-17 18:08:35

I have had to remind my mum for 24 years she just loses track of dates that is all no malice intended at all yabu and a little bit over sensitive.

midnightsky27 Thu 16-Feb-17 18:13:14

I can understand how you would be hurt, as after all it is your own mum.

Does she have a lot of grandchildren? Some people aren't good at remembering dates/numbers (myself included!) but I normally always write them in my diary at the start of the year. It could also be pure scattyness. Perhaps just casually mention that your daughter had a nice birthday next time you see her as a subtle hint? xx

Beachedwh4le Thu 16-Feb-17 18:14:04

I have to remind my dad about my brothers birthday every year, he only remembers mine because it's the same as his. I don't think it needs to be a big deal, and I wouldn't be calling up to say did you forget etc etc, why try and make someone feel bad. People should try and be kind. Call your mum and say oh it was dd's birthday she did this or got that, she's excited to see you next whenever. Birthday drama is such a waste of every!

pilates Thu 16-Feb-17 18:23:27

Op, does your DM have a lot of grandchildren?

No excuse as she is quite young for a grandmother.

I have a calendar in my kitchen and have to write everything down otherwise I would forget.

YANBU I would be upset.

WorraLiberty Thu 16-Feb-17 18:31:34


Lots of people have trouble remembering dates

Just ring or text her a couple of days before it in future.

WhyPost Thu 16-Feb-17 18:32:59

It's nice if people remember but what the harm of reminding her if it means a lot to you and your family. I'm from a family where we happily remind each other. It's better than getting upset.

My Dad doesn't remember our birthdays but it's absolutely no reflection of how much he loves us.

If you are going to feel upset at this then you should let your Mum know rather than just feeling angry at her.

Littlecaf Thu 16-Feb-17 18:34:58

My DB (33 I might add!) forgot my DS 2nd birthday. (His only newphew or niece!) He messaged me the day after to apologise. DM says she'd reminded him at least 3 times. I just said 'you can do that as he's 2, but when he's 5, he'll remember that he didn't get anything from Uncle Littlecaf'. Cue a hugely apologetic amount of money arriving in my bank account.....

Yes it's rubbish. YANBU.

raindripsonruses Thu 16-Feb-17 18:35:10

In her forties? No excuse.

Bahh Thu 16-Feb-17 18:36:30

I don't get the general preciousness around birthdays. The only people a birthday is significant to is the person themselves and their own parents. Anything else is a nice to have.

I didn't have paternal grandparents growing up and my maternal grandmother is a horrible woman who picked and chose when to bother with stuff. Uncles never remembered. Never upset me once, I had my Mam and dad and that was fine.

Your daughter is five. She doesn't care, she probably had a great day with her immediate family and didn't even notice. Don't make it a thing.

FreeNiki Thu 16-Feb-17 18:37:05

I would say it is very strange to forget grandchildrens birthdays.

As for aunties etc I didn't really get anythihg from most of mine at birthdays.

MrsJayy Thu 16-Feb-17 18:43:51

Mum was a gran in her 40s she is really disorganised and forgetful; op if you have no issues with your mum just remind her the week before dont make it a huge deal

bumsexatthebingo Thu 16-Feb-17 19:08:30

If she is generally not bothered about your dc then yanbu. But if she is just quite disorganised and doesn't keep a diary and will be disappointed when she realises she has forgotten then yabu and should just remind her.

Jenniferb21 Thu 16-Feb-17 19:12:45

If you're close enough for it to not be overly rude why not buy her a birthday book and just mention she's forgotten a couple.

Depending on her circumstances, how many g children she has and your relationships I could understand not expecting gifts but I really think not giving a card is terrible obviously unless she genuinely forgot which it sounds like she has.


PuntCuffin Thu 16-Feb-17 19:21:48

Meh. My parents forget my birthday as well as my sons' birthdays. My brothers are equally crap. In fact, my DH has forgotten it in the past. Can't get excited about it.

I take great delight in smugly making sure I remember all of theirs and my niece's. grin

Thingvellir Thu 16-Feb-17 19:37:01

YABU to be upset, it's a shame she forgot but I agree with pp, if she is just generally scatty/forgetful the kind thing to do for her and your DD is to remind her a week in advance of your DCs birthdays in future.

Obviously if there are deeper issues around her having a lack of interest in your DC generally (you didn't say in your OP) then there is more to it than being disorganised...

Thingvellir Thu 16-Feb-17 19:37:21

YANBU to be upset I mean! blush

Artandco Thu 16-Feb-17 19:41:20

I don't see the issue with birthdays, I know when many are, but we wouldn't really call to celebrate with an aunt or nephew, that's for them. We celebrate own children and partners here, don't really acknowledge parents/aunts/ grandparents/ nephews etc unless we happened to be seeing or calling them for another reason

bunnylove99 Thu 16-Feb-17 19:52:07

YANBU at all. It's surely a granny's place to remember and want to celebrate their own grandchildren's birthdays.. If I am blessed with grandchildren I am damn sure I will make the effort to remember their birthdays, regardless of however scatty and forgetful I am by then. (I'm bad enough now). Your DD will have had a lovely day with her immediate family.

Rollonbedtime7pm Thu 16-Feb-17 20:10:05

How hard is it really to just write down a date of your own family members?!

YANBU - to me it is just total lack of thought about the person who's birthday it is. It's like you're not important enough for them to care.

I love birthdays and I think it will be a sad day if I ever decide that as an adult they "don't matter" anymore - everyone deserves a day to be special!

MatildaTheCat Thu 16-Feb-17 20:13:03

You won't change her, she's obviously not one for remembering dates. Can you enter the dates into her phone calendar or buy her a wall calendar for her birthday with all of her family birthdays marked?

If you are so annoyed why don't you just text her with a reminder? It's bothering you, not your dd so either try not to care or try to help her remember.

JoanofNark17 Thu 16-Feb-17 20:18:13

People forget shit, its not something to get arsey about. How many children and grandchildren does the woman have?
Maybe she has her own shit going on, who knows?

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