AIBU aboutt first day of school?

[Somelikeithotter]

Back story: BIL is getting married abroad at the end of August. We don't have passports etc as a family so in order to attend we were looking at upwards of £1500 expenditure without including spending anything while there, this is simply beyond what we can afford. After much deliberation we decided to decline invitation, at which point PIL have very kindly offered to pay for our flights and upgrade their accommodation to include us as MIL really wants us all to be there in particular. We are very grateful for this of course.

However...
Have spoken to MIL today. She has booked flights to return late night at the end of the first week in September. It occurred to us both during the conversation that this might coincide with the start of the new school year which has thus far never been an issue but DS is due to start school this September. Places have not been allocated yet and there are no term dates available for next school year, so this is all hypothetical and therefore I'm probably being totally PFB and worrying over something that may not even be an issue BUT I have told MIL that I am concerned that DS could potentially miss his first ever day of school.

I tried to put it across as diplomatically as possible - i.e. We are extremely grateful that you have paid our way, however if there is a clash I will have to attempt to rebook tickets for an earlier date and failing that might have to bow out altogether. (She hasn't insured tickets so it will be difficult to change dates. I don't expect her to foot the bill, I would be happy to save between now and then to cover the cost and have told her this)...

She thinks I'm being unreasonable and that it's fine for him to miss a couple of days. But these aren't a standard couple of school days. I'm also doubly confused at how blasé she's being since when her other grandchild started school last year she took a day off work and drove for an hour to greet them out of school and take photos.

I know at age 4 they're going to be doing a bit of colouring in and changing best friend every five minutes for the first week of school but I do think it's a vital settling in period that I don't want him to bypass. He struggled with starting nursery and is naturally very highly strung (to put it kindly). She also thinks it would be fine for him to arrive at the airport at 10 at night then travel 4 hours home to start school the next day...

So, AIBU and too precious or should I stick to my guns? (I do realise I'm probably overreacting anyway since the whole situation is hypothetical until April )

[Somelikeithotter]

Double posted sorry! Can someone tell me how to delete?

[wornoutboots]

report your original post in this one and ask for the thread deleted

[Namesarehard]

Where are you based in the UK? I know in Wales you don't have to start full time school until you're 5. Would your child have attended nursery there? It's a lot of money for them to lose if you didn't specify the dates before they booked. Just because you didn't pay doesn't mean It wasn't money spent. Personally I would go. And I'm one that won't take my children out of school for a holiday usually.

[lazyb0nes]

I wouldn't be super happy about it either as a parent so I don't think yabu but it's worth bearing in mind that lots of schools do a phased start for Reception children and so he might not even need to be in very much in the first few days. E.g. Sometimes they do half days or even less during the first week. So it might not be too much of a problem.

[Namesarehard]

I say about being 5 as you won't get fined. I also ask about nursery as friendships will have already have been formed so your child will already know the children when they go in.
I just feel you should have specified dates before it was booked. Did your mil tell you when she was going to book it? You could have contacted the school and ask about term dates. Also the local council will have them on their website.

[MaximumVolume]

Well, I agree with you.

My eldest is in reception and it was a big deal for him & us even though he was going up from the nursery in the same school.

I was quite surprised that there was quite a lot of shuffling of places though, child came into school for a week, got a place at their preferred (religious) school & then a new child replaced them. We've had a couple more like that in the 6 months since, so I guess it wouldn't be the end of the world.

[harderandharder2breathe]

are you in an area where you know you have a good chance of getting a particular school? Or could it really be any of half a dozen schools?

Google school dates for your area, id be surprised if they're not available already, obviously individual schools will have their own inset days and may stagger starts for reception. There may be info on schools websites about how they start reception, but that's only useful if you have a good idea which school he's likely to get into.

[trinketsofgold]

Mine didn't start half days until the second week of September

I think YABU a bit

[LinManWellWellWell]

Although you don't have an allocated school yet, if you look on your county council website you'll be able to see the start date. It may be that your child won't be due to start until the following Monday in which case you're fine. If not I think yanbu.

[MirandaWest]

Quite often reception children start later than the rest of the children in the school so there might not be a problem.

Is a pity the wedding is then - when DH and I got married last summer we checked with close family members about possible dates as my niece started school last September and so we didn't get married at the beginning of September in case she started school on the Monday after a potential wedding date. Ended up getting married at the end of July in the end

[LinManWellWellWell]

If the wedding is in August, do you think MIL would change the flights for you?

[TeenAndTween]

Our yRs start 4 days late but all go in full time straight away.

LA Term dates are available for 17-18 school year. (At least they are here). Check your LA website. It won't be definitive for the school but will give you some idea.

[ChocolateButton15]

Reception kids usually start a week later than the rest of the school. The first week is usually used by the teachers to do home visits so you might be OK.

[happypoobum]

YANBU - I wouldn't want my child missing first day/days of school.

The problem is that most schools have staggered starts don't they? So unless OP knows what school DS is likely to attend she won't know what start date he is likely to have?

Can you make an educated guess and call them OP? See if you can find out what the start dates are likely to be?

[Quartz2208]

Reception usually start later, they get the rest of the school settled and back in and then start so it's likely to be the start of the second week. Presumably you have applied for schools if so look up/ask when he will start

[987flowers]

You might find there's a staggered start. At my daughter's school children started on different days so it may be worth checking as it may not be an issue.

[WhiteCaribou]

I work in a primary school and our Reception children start on the same day as all the other children so I wouldn't bank on a later start. The term dates should be on your local council website now for next school year, that may set your mind at rest. Just as an example we have an inset day Monday 4th September and the whole school starts on Tuesday 5th.

[MaximumVolume]

My son started Y R for full days on the same day as the rest of the school: 5th Sep last year.

[MongerTruffle]

In our school the reception children don't start half days until the second week.

[BikeRunSki]

Have you checked the school website for term dates? Ours are published for the next 2 years.

[SEsofty]

All the schools round here start reception at least a week or two later than the rest of the school, with a staggered start.

Could you phone your first and second choice schools and find out what they do. And once school confirmed then if they do staggered start you could ask nicely if he could be in the last group to start

[Sittinginthesun]

Looking at our calendar, first day of term is 4th September, but that's an Inset day so we're back on the 5th.

1st is a Friday, so I would imagine that most schools will start back 4th onwards. What date is the flight?

(I missed a wedding abroad for exactly the sane reason).

[SparklesandBangs]

As PP have said it will be a staggered start and you are unlikely to know who is in school when until nearer the date. I really can't see it being an issue as long as he is there at some point during this period.

DD missed the first 2 weeks of her reception year when they were settling in and it didn't hold her back in anyway socially or academically

[SaudadeObama]

I wouldn't miss the wedding or start messing about with your MIL's very kind offer. Not for a hypethetical start day rather than even concrete fact. Weddings are one of the few things you can get authorised abscence for anyway. One or two days late is not going to make much difference on the grand scheme of things. Just let the school know as soon as you get the offer letter.