I know this is not really AIBU but i am so totally at the end of my tether with how I feel, I just don't know what to do.
I hate myself. Utterly despise myself. I'm obese and I am incredibly ugly. I have no self esteem at all. When I see my reflection or my photo I feel so low and I become totally obsessed with it.
I've always hated my appearance but it hasn't always been as constant as it is now. I have nothing going for me at all, I'm fat (14 stone) and I'm ugly and I feel like a total freak.
I try to dress well, but the truth is clothes look awful on me. I'm tall too so that also makes me stick out like a big fat ugly freaky beacon.
My hair is disgusting, it's so thin and no styles look good
My body is revolting. I hate it. I can't bear to have sex with my DH because when you are as ugly as I am it feels wrong. I don't deserve it.
My face used to be ok but I'm 40 now and I haven't aged well. I have a disgusting gummy smile, I have saggy heavy ugly eyelids. I have a nasty mouth.
Everything about me is grotesque.
But I have such a living DH. And 3 DC. I have always managed to disguise and hide my self loathing but in the last few years it's started to crack through and DH knows something is up. He only ever makes me feel loved and tells me how perfect he thinks I am.
But I hate myself. And I am so so so so so tired of feeling this way. I'm in a constant 2 stone on/2 stone off cycle. At the moment I'm the size of a house and it's sickening. I do exercise (running) but I think my metabolism is now totally screwed because of yoyo dieting for so long.
I was put on AD last year, but they also made me gain weight so I came off them. I'm not feeling as hopeless about my situation as I was then so I know I'm not depressed.
I just hate myself. And it's controlling me, I'm obsessed with it and it's all I think about. And it's so tiring. I don't know how to make it stop, and I just want to live my life and be happy, but I can't because I'm so fat and so grossly ugly.
anyone else feel this shit?
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AIBU?
To not know what to do with the way I feel any more.
8 replies
Fedupfeelingthisway · 16/02/2017 14:19
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