Methotrexate - start it or postpone and ttc (last time)

[Dee4Dilemma]

Wondered if it's OK to ask this here!

I've an autoimmune disease, a rare form of arthritis. Life can be horrifically painful for days and weeks on end and then I'll have a spell where I'm ok, such is the nature of the condition. When I'm bad, I'll find it hard to do my job properly, no power in hands, find getting up and down the stairs hard (do it by bum shuffling) can't raise my arm above my head/move shoulder etc. Many other areas of immobility too.

Anyway the medication the rheumatologist has prescribed sadly didn't work, so he wants me to trial methotrexate, am very scared of this drug and the associated side effects.

Anyway my AIBU is, should I delay taking the medication to have one last shot at TTC?

Cons are

• would delay the time when my disease might start to get under control if I have to delay medication
  
• have one boy and one girl already
  
• can afford the children we have
  

-husband is not keen on more
-I'm 38 dh is 42


Pros are
-I'm so so broody
-can't bear the thought of no more babies
-am terrified of the potential side effects of methotrexate
-I'm so broody!!
-I'm so broody!!!

What would you do in this situation? You absolutely cannot take the medication and get pregnant it's very much either or.

Children are 2 and 4!

[londonrach]

Rheumatoid arthritis? Are you having a flare up at the moment. Talk to your rheumatologist as methotrexate is a medication you cant just stop. Its been a wonder drug for some of my patients but you right has horrible side effects etc. Talk to someone who knows your full medical history rather than people on the internet. Fingers crossed all ok x

[PlayOnWurtz]

Talk to your rheumy. If it's psoriatic or rheumatoid then you may get relief when pregnant.

[MatildaTheCat]

I'm afraid your dh gets the final say on whether you have another baby. You simply cannot go ahead if he doesn't want to. In this case, especially since he may well have to have long periods of caring for and supporting all three of you as it is. He probably feels completely overwhelmed by yet more responsibility. And what if you had twins or a child with disabilities?

I really am sorry for your situation. I was desperate for a third child and dh didn't want another. It took quite a long time but I did get over it.

For the sake of your existing family I would give the methotrexate a try if that is what your medics recommend and concentrate on what you do have rather than wish for.

[EineKleine]

Your DH doesn't want to. Arguably, it's that simple.

Broodiness is just hormones wanting you to reproduce. That's their job. Hormones are a biological thing, they don't care about your health, your marriage, your existing children. (This is what I tell myself - we stuck at 2 on DH's choice.)

[TestingTestingWonTooFree]

Objectively you should look after your health and the children you already have and your marriage. Tough if your hormones are arguing though.

[Babyroobs]

I wouldn't be considering another baby if your condition is so bad that you sometimes need to shuffle down the stairs on your bum. How on earth do you cope with a baby and 2 other kids under those circumstances? Is your dh around a lot to help?

[hackneyandbow]

if your husband doesn't want more how it even an issue?

[BrickInTheWall]

I have been on methotrexate for 5 months now and cannot recommend it enough. Ive got Rheumatoid arthritis and have fairly bad scalp psoriasis.
The relief I hace had in the last couple of months is immense. I am able to do things I havent been able to for yours. I have joined a new sports team and am able to play every week with no pain! There have been some side effects (I have actually just been switched to the metoject pen to try to combat some of these) but the day to day pain free living far outweighs the side effects I have had. Feel free to pm me if you want any more information.

[Mulberry72]

Psoriatic Arthritis?

I had the same dilemma 7 years ago, and after much soul searching and discussion with my Rheumatologist and husband, we decided that our family is complete. I couldn't imagine having a flare and being pregnant as well and unable to take any painkillers/steroids etc. It was pregnancy that kicked my PsA off.

It's not a decision to take lightly but please take advice from your Consultant.

Good luck xx

[TitusAndromedon]

I can't advise on whether or not you should have another baby (although, in the circumstances you describe, I would lean towards trying to make peace with what you have) but I do have experience with methotrexate. I took it to treat my psoriasis and I just wanted to reassure you that I was totally unaffected by any side effects. I know that is anecdotal, but I do think it's important to know that your experience might be extremely positive and - from what you say - life changing.

[Areyoufree]

So, judging by a previous poster, you would see results pretty quickly. I would give yourself 6 months. Hormones are funny buggers, and I keep going between wanting another baby and being adamant that I am done! Take the drug for now, and reevaluate in 6 months.

[timeisnotaline]

I have psoriasis only and doctors have suggested it- the side effects are potentially quite minimal or they wouldn't suggest it for my pain free and not debilitating condition (they won't actually recommend it until I'm done having children, it was an option when I was much younger)

[Olympiathequeen]

Suppose you put off the meds and conceive? You can't take the drug for a considerable time and by the time you can try it and find it doesn't work for you or the side effects are too extreme (and they can be awful) you are struggling with a relapsing condition which leaves you extremely disabled and trying to care for 2 young children and a baby. Is this fair on anyone, yourself most of all?

[Dee4Dilemma]

Interesting what people are saying about hormones! I know that's true, have never thought of it like that before as in the hormone don't care about my marriage, health or exisitng family.

I hate the thought of never having a newborn again which is quite bizarre since I never wanted children until I had my first one!! I'd just love my health back to enjoy the children I have instead of feeling like I'm an old lady.

Thanks everyone, I'll keep hopeful the meth will work for me and not have too many side effects.

[tiggerbounce77]

I think it depends on the form of arthritis and whether pregnancy and everything that comes with being a new mum will make things worse, if there are any potential effects then is it fair on the children you have already?

[bbrisotto]

Hi I have rheumatoid arthritis. I have had it for 10 years and have been lucky that it is well controlled with Sulphasalazine. In the past when I was working full time it was not under control so my consultant added hydroxychloroquine which did the job. I was taking both these meds when I conceived my first daughter. I have always been scared of methotrexate but unfortunately my 2nd daughter was diagnosed with Juvenile arthritis at 15 months and now has a weekly injection of methotrexate which has got her condition under control. What I'm trying to say is I was worried about it and against her taking it but it has done the job and for getting her back to being a normal toddler I now think think it is an amazing drug. I do think that if you start it it would be very difficult to come off to try to conceive, you could flare and I believe you have to be off it for more than 6 months before you can try to conceive.

[sashh]

the side effects are potentially quite minimal or they wouldn't suggest it for my pain free and not debilitating condition

I was on it for 10 years and although the side effects lessened they were still bad.

I felt like I had flu for the 2 days following it, I used to vomit, later I just felt sick but didn't actually chuck. The 2 'flu days' I was fatigued and needed to sleep a couple of hours in the day.

It can be pretty nasty, as for Take the drug for now, and reevaluate in 6 months Don't. You have probably been told that you are advised not to conceive on methotrexate - in some US states RU 486 (Mifepristone) is not available to abortion clinics so they use methotrexate. The way it works isn't to directly induce abortion. I am not going to say what it does suffice to say it is not compatible with trying for a baby.

You already have a family but if you are going to ttc then do that first. Although I agree that hormones can be quite a nag and it might just be that.

[bbrisotto]

Also i don't know what your experience was but my arthritis disappeared with both of my pregnancies and didn't come back for a good few months after. I know that that isn't always the case though.

[missbishi]

Aside from being afraid of meth, your "pros" are really rather selfish. For crying out loud, there are periods of time when you are barely mobile and you already have 2 to look after. What happens when Mummy is out of action?

Am puzzled you are even talking about TTC when you know your husband isn't keen though...

[tinyterrors]

I completely understand the broody feelings. My family is complete for several reasons but I still get very broody sometimes but I know it's just hormones. I really couldn't afford or cope with another baby now my dcs are all growing up a bit.

In your situation it doesn't sound like it would be a good idea to have another baby. What if you have another baby, start the methotrexate and it either doesn't work or the side effects are too much? Then you'll be how you are now with a baby, 3 and 5 year old and unable to care for them. Who would feed, change and soothe your baby on days where you can't use your hands and look after yourself?

I'm sorry if it sounds harsh but you have to do what's best for the dcs you already have. My mum had severe arthritis like you describe and some days needed almost everything doing for her. By then I was a teen so could look after myself when my dad was working but if I'd been younger there's no way my mum could have cared for me on the bad days.

[Trumpssyrup]

I think the pair of you need to decide on a third between you first.

I've started taking methotrexate and I'm slightly better (psoriatic arthritis). Although still taking lots and lots of painkillers. Am not feeling any side effects however only very occasional nausea.

I did feel completely well in pregnancy however I had a huge relapse after. In fact the arthritis was well managed before and now is awful.

[Trumpssyrup]

Oh and I was 42 when I had DTS so dunt let your current age put you off necessarily

[RandomMess]

Dh struggled 2 days after taking his methotrexate but for him the positive benefits were noticeable after only a few weeks, he only took it for 9 months and doesn't need to anymore as the pain etc is manageable.

I think broodiness can last forever tbh, I just had to accept no more babies at some point and move on - think I would have carried on until menopause otherwise!

[Tomhardyshadabath]

This may not apply OP as I have rheumatoid arthritis and it sounds as though you have something different. Something to consider is the speed with which the disease can return after a baby is born. My RA had been in remission for years when I had DD so I had no plan in place to manage a return and within 8 weeks my wrists, hands and shoulders were horribly affected. With a newborn baby, it was almost impossible to manage, couldn't take strong painkillers and had to wait 10 weeks for sulphasalazine to kick in. Having said that, am now on methotrexate and it is brilliant, completely life-changing. It's not an easy decision and I completely understand your reticence.

[Neglectedbythesun]

Aw. I have ra and recently started this drug. Didn't want to, but I need it. No apparent side effects yet. Honestly, my bad days are now problematic and the reality of a third child with this illness would've been unworkable. I found strong broodiness for a third reduced once I'd realised sticking with two was better for my health. It also passed when my youngest was 3 or 4. I think we're biologically programmed to want another until that age gap. I'm now focussing on being the best mum I can to my 2. Best of luck coming to your decision.