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to wish dh would stop worrying about how things look?

(10 Posts)
searushes Wed 15-Feb-17 17:08:13

My DH has always cared a lot about how things look, for example the house and car always have to be immaculate and this is not always easy as we have a young child (and I am pregnant) but lately I feel the life he presents to our friends is so doctored it is almost a lie.

We can't go anywhere without him taking lots of staged pictures then puts them on facebook twitter and Instagram about the perfect life we have, if something is going wrong I can't talk about it with my friends because he gets fussed.

AIBU to think he needs to chill out?

BaymaxismyHero Wed 15-Feb-17 17:10:02

Sounds like he needs to see a Dr.
How exhausting to live like that.
Life's not perfect, he needs to relax.

neverknowinglyunreasonable Wed 15-Feb-17 17:10:38

I think it's unreasonable to try and censor the conversations you have with your friends.

ExplodedCloud Wed 15-Feb-17 17:13:01

Point out to him that everyone on FB assumes that anyone who only portrays perfection is hiding deep, dark insecurities and nobody believes them.
Or is that just me?

JoJoSM2 Wed 15-Feb-17 17:14:48

He just sounds a bit insecure around friends. Otherwise, I can relate as I like my house to look just right and spend a lot of time fussing over it ;)

Allthebestnamesareused Wed 15-Feb-17 17:24:38

Did he grow up in a less than perfect family with a less than perfect home? Possibly if he feels he did he likes to show how life is great now (or what he perceives shows life is great).

It may be that at some point he felt he had no control over his life or surroundings and now this is his way of being in control.

Exhausting for you potentially if he expects you to maintain house etc to same standard or is he happy to do the work for this to happen himself?

Ilovecaindingle Wed 15-Feb-17 17:27:00

Tell him you need a cleaner! Takes the pressure off you - and more time to chill together.

Topseyt Wed 15-Feb-17 17:39:50

When he is not there let your child make a mess and then post pictures of it on FB or Instagram yourself. Make sure to tag him in the picture.

Seriously though, that sounds an exhausting way to live. There is a happy medium. You don't have to live permanently in a show home. Were his parents like that?

My MIL was the most house proud cleaning fanatic you could imagine. DH didn't inherit it though and nor did his brother, although I think his sister might have. DH would live in a total bomb site and not really notice. I come somewhere in the middle.

Megatherium Wed 15-Feb-17 17:45:28

I do agree. To be honest, if people I know post pictures of their immaculate houses I tend to despise them secretly for being obsessed with housework and not allowing their children to play normally.

DH tends to worry about what people think, although not to this extent, but I think I've managed to educate him out of a lot of it. I remember once renting a holiday cottage which was next door to the owners: DH got terribly worried about the children making a noise playing in the garden on the toys the owners had provided. I had to get quite stroppy with him about the fact that people who let their houses out to families on holiday with children are really highly unlikely to object to the sound of children playing.

WhereYouLeftIt Wed 15-Feb-17 18:08:49

Is there any reason you can think of for his behaviour? Upbringing, social anxiety? Or is he just some sort of Hyacinth Bucket?

"for example the house and car always have to be immaculate"
And who has to make them immaculate? You or him? If you - stop doing it. If him - moan at him for spending his time cleaning instead of with you and his child. Mutter darkly about "nobody ever said 'I wish I'd cleaned the house more' on their deathbed" grin.

"if something is going wrong I can't talk about it with my friends because he gets fussed."
I find that far more problematical. I will talk about what I damned well please with my friends and he has no say in the matter - none whatsoever angry. Besides, talking about it, actually putting it into words to explain something, usually leads to me seeing a solution. Or one of my friends will have a workable suggestion.

What do you mean by 'he gets fussed'? If he mithers, tell him to pack it in. Or is it more than that?

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